Give me some dialogue from your day

[petek]

MrsP out.
Avon lass has just been delivering a very small carrier bag of products.
Me... "How much does she owe you?"
Avon lass... "Fifty seven pounds fifty please."
Had to raid my £2 coin piggy bank to find enough to pay her.
Grrrrrrrrr. MrsP has been taking orders at the WI again.

 

[gbb]

Our 12 year old granddaughter is learning guitar.
'We have a musician come in to school, he's great'
She seems tickled by his name...
'Gizz Butt '

'You do know who he is don't you ?'
'No'

I suspect her and her friends heads will be buzzing tomorrow.

She gave us a beginner's rendition of Deep Purples 'smoke on the water' riff tonight.

 

[srw]

You know that bridge from the opening credits of Inspector Montalbano? The one we said we definitely under no circumstances wanted to drive across? I think we're driving across it.

(Technically, this was dialogue from a fortnight ago.)

 

[gbb]

Me to my wife
' Y'know when your underpants are too tight and you get distinctly painful gona.....oh....no you don't do you ?'

Wife...

 

[pjd57]

Dog ( not mine it's visiting ) " Woof "

Me " shut up "

Dog " woof woof "

 

[Mandragora]

In a service station on the M6, using the ladies, minding my own business, when I overheard this conversation.

The timing of the last remark in particular was perfect (to imagine the full effect, think Peter Kaye's sisters).


Disembodied voice 1: Ooooh, look.. What lovely flowers.
Disembodied voice 2: Oh yes. That's the second time today we've been to a Ladies that's got flowers in, in't it?
Disembodied voice 1: Aye, it is that.
(Pause)
But these are nicer though.
Disembodied voice 2: They are that, you're not wrong there.


Pause (about ten seconds, long enough for both to contemplate this truth).

Disembodied voice 1: Hark at us. Toilet Flower Conoisseurs...

Me, silently:

 

[gbb]

My wife on the phone to our DIL, mother to our gdaughter and step gson....hes a handfull but only nearly 4 yo...and he is a handful at times.
'He's been a little horror this morning' she explained to my wife
'Tell him he's not coming to dinner today then if he's not going to behave' my wife said.
'Noooo, don't take that from me ' replied our DIL...'coming to yours is the only bit of sanity I've got in my life at the moment'

our son and her aren't together, she's a rough diamond, from a mixed up family and far from perfect...but we support her any way we can, she's had a tough life.

 

[Lavender Rose]

My bf took me to work today, we had to pull away from an awkward junction in the car

Him: OK left?
Me: Sorta..
Him: I'll be ok if I pull out quick enough
Me: *sniggers* THAT'S WHAT HE SAID!
Him:

 

[pplpilot]

Sat having a lunchtime pint, chap about 25'ish starts playing the fruit machine... I watch...

4 or 5 minutes later...

Me - scuse me mate, just curious as I never ever play these things* but did I just see you put £40 in there and not get a penny back?
Him - yea .. f'ing thing must be fixed.
Me -

*I go on an economy drive if I loose a quid on the lottery the very rare occasion I buy a ticket.

 

[gbb]

Sat having a lunchtime pint, chap about 25'ish starts playing the fruit machine... I watch...

4 or 5 minutes later...

Me - scuse me mate, just curious as I never ever play these things* but did I just see you put £40 in there and not get a penny back?
Him - yea .. f'ing thing must be fixed.
Me -

*I go on an economy drive if I loose a quid on the lottery the very rare occasion I buy a ticket.

I sometimes dread to think how much my 87 yo mum puts in those machines. She frequents bingo and often spends time on the machines. She knows exactly how they work, when to do what and when it's bot going her way...nevertheless....i suspect she'll put at least £20 In them a visit ..very probably more. She'll win big, £600 to £1000 moderately often...but I still wonder how much goes in to get that out.

 

[Vantage]

"Make sure you stab him really hard."

My fiancee to the nurse who was about to prick my finger for another glucose test.
Nice knowing she loves me

 

[gbb]

I walked in the door ....saw my grandaughter in the kitchen and said...
'helloooo baba '

She looked at me....

......Waaaaaa ...and ran to her mum, looking worriedly back at me, almost inconsolable.

We all laughed .
What does a guy look like in sunglasses, cycling helmet and skull cap and attire she's never seen....like a monster maybe to a 15 month old.

As I peeled the headwear and sunglasses off, she calmed.. and came to greet me, arms outstretched to be picked up ...

 

[Pro Tour Punditry]

Younger Noodlette (with earphones in as per usual): What's for tea?
Me: Venison
YN: Peregrine?

 

[srw]

Conversation with the waiter in a reasonably fancy City steak house - the sort of place where the clientele wears a suit and tie and the staff wears a dress, the steak is bloody and the wine red.

On bringing a couple of gin and tonics.

"I love the smell of gin. Gin and red wine and petrol."

Pair of effete intellectual professionals: "Petrol? No. You don't want to smell too much petrol. It's not that good for you."

"Yes. It reminds me of cars. I love the smell of petrol. Mind you, I'm from the North of Ireland. Maybe it's the petrol bombs."

 

[GrumpyGregry]

Me: Eh?
Them: Blah, blah!
Don't be silly
But Mr Greg
.
.
.
Let me recap, you want to do such-and-such
Yes, in essence that's it
Feck off you corks
That's highly unprofessional, Mr Greg
Guys, my language may be unprofessional, but you are unprofessional to your bones you utter spoons. Now go away and solution something I can sign off, or find me some new spoons.