Laughing my head off nearly spilt me cuppa.My Mrs is reading Fifty Shades if Grey, so to "join her" i went out and bought a copy of "big jugs".
I think she has double standards as she gave me a right boll0king and called me a perv.
Is there a man's version of 50 shades then?
- Thread starter Melonfish
- Start date
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I once went out with a female decorator she liked a matt finish.I'm more into the Axminster catalogue myself.
Arch and I look at it together sometimes and then shop for stuff.
Simba
Specialized Allez 24 Rider
- Location
- Tottington - Lancashire
My Mrs is reading Fifty Shades if Grey, so to "join her" i went out and bought a copy of "big jugs".
I think she has double standards as she gave me a right boll0king and called me a perv.
Thats women for you, porn is ok for them but not us.
ACS
Legendary Member
- Location
- Just below the snow line
Saw this on FB
50 shades of Birkenhead:
"As he approached with those pasty white arms hanging out of his Gola vest, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my vel...our tracksuit would be hanging off the lamp shade tonight." "It was Dwayne's birthday. I was preparing his special tea of Findus Crispy Pancakes and Pot Noodle. I would let him take me any way he wanted tonight. His favourite position was wh...a...t he called The Dogs of War. Where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time." "Our 6 week anniversary was approaching. This would be my longest relationship without becoming pregnant. I thought of this as he lay on top of me making love.
His skinny arms straddled my head like breadsticks either side of an orange. As I rubbed his whiter than white back I imagined every mole I felt was spelling out Braille for I love you" "As I stood in line at the Job Centre thinking of reasons I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, B.O and Lynx Africa. I turned around and there was Dwayne.
Our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind the Iceland. He had tied up his Staffy to block the ally way so we wouldn't be disturbed. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery. I knew it was love and my life would never be the same." "My mum had told me to leave Dwayne many times due to the violence but I knew he loved me as he always took his rings off before he hit me. Tonight though he was in a foul mood, I had f**ked his tea up after failing to de-frost his prawn ring I had nicked from farm foods.
He picked up the power lead from my kids mega drive and whipped it across my doughy arse. It stung but I liked it. I shouted again again so he carried on. I thought my shell suit would rip into a million pieces. As I looked over my shoulder I saw his Weetabix toothed smile. He even had a semi on which rare as the crack normally played havoc with his erections.
50 shades of Birkenhead:
"As he approached with those pasty white arms hanging out of his Gola vest, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my vel...our tracksuit would be hanging off the lamp shade tonight." "It was Dwayne's birthday. I was preparing his special tea of Findus Crispy Pancakes and Pot Noodle. I would let him take me any way he wanted tonight. His favourite position was wh...a...t he called The Dogs of War. Where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time." "Our 6 week anniversary was approaching. This would be my longest relationship without becoming pregnant. I thought of this as he lay on top of me making love.
His skinny arms straddled my head like breadsticks either side of an orange. As I rubbed his whiter than white back I imagined every mole I felt was spelling out Braille for I love you" "As I stood in line at the Job Centre thinking of reasons I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, B.O and Lynx Africa. I turned around and there was Dwayne.
Our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind the Iceland. He had tied up his Staffy to block the ally way so we wouldn't be disturbed. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery. I knew it was love and my life would never be the same." "My mum had told me to leave Dwayne many times due to the violence but I knew he loved me as he always took his rings off before he hit me. Tonight though he was in a foul mood, I had f**ked his tea up after failing to de-frost his prawn ring I had nicked from farm foods.
He picked up the power lead from my kids mega drive and whipped it across my doughy arse. It stung but I liked it. I shouted again again so he carried on. I thought my shell suit would rip into a million pieces. As I looked over my shoulder I saw his Weetabix toothed smile. He even had a semi on which rare as the crack normally played havoc with his erections.
Try the Gorean books by by John Norman.
MissTillyFlop
Evil communist dictator, lover of gerbils & Pope.
Dude, you don't want a male version of Fifty Shades of Grey - it makes Louise Mensch look like Harper freaking Lee.
Lady Chatterley's Lover is great if you're after something decent and genuinely erotic.
Lady Chatterley's Lover is great if you're after something decent and genuinely erotic.
Mad Doug Biker
Banned from every bar in the Galaxy
- Location
- Craggy Island
this is a well used one
Are you trying to compensate for something there?
Really, I'm a bloke, but I find it hard to get excited over lumps of metal these days.
Lisa21
Mooching.............
- Location
- North Wales
Im soo glad women are wired diferently to you guys, I can honestly say I have never had even the mildest impure thoughts over a Betterware catalogue
subaqua
What’s the point
- Location
- Leytonstone
Lisa21
Mooching.............
- Location
- North Wales
MDB gets uncontrollable for odd spanners, its the normal ones hes not interested in..............
Mad Doug Biker
Banned from every bar in the Galaxy
- Location
- Craggy Island
The epitome of sexual frustration are shadow boards don'tcha know?
Im soo glad women are wired diferently to you guys, I can honestly say I have never had even the mildest impure thoughts over a Betterware catalogue
When I was a kid, the pictures of woman in underwear in things like the Avon Catalogue kept me going for a while......
ComedyPilot
Secret Lemonade Drinker
- Location
- The Kingdom of Yorkshire
Puzzles me how anyone can read a paperback one-handed, with a foot on the bedroom door whilst reaching for a roll of toilet paper.
subaqua
What’s the point
- Location
- Leytonstone
The epitome of sexual frustration are shadow boards don'tcha know?
When I was a kid, the pictures of woman in underwear in things like the Avon Catalogue kept me going for a while......
one of the apprentices on the same course as me many years ago let slip about a marshall ward catalogue when we were talking about looking at "jazz mags" . it was a case of " oh feck did i really just say that" by the look on his face. his nickname then became Marshall, which he kept and used well into his late 20s when i lost contact with him .He reckoned it was a far cooler name than John.
wonder if he is still using it
Hover Fly
He, him, his
- Location
- Besides the lake, beneath the trees
It's not proper porn unless you need to wait for a crane to change the chuck.
http://www.metricmachine.com/Binns and Berry.html
http://www.metricmachine.com/Binns and Berry.html
Night Train
Maker of Things
- Location
- Greater Manchester
