Living with someone from another culture

[Drago]

anyway - does that count

Rugby league? Most certainly not!

 

[Deleted member 1258]

Remember the Mars vs Venus thing that was topical at one time.

I've still got the book somewhere.

 

[Blue Hills]

I've still got the book somewhere.

save on your heating bill - burn it.

 

[Deleted member 1258]

save on your heating bill - burn it.

I take it you don't like the book? I haven't read it for years, I may view it differently if I reread it but I remember years ago when me and my Good lady were going through a bad patch it proved useful.

 

[Blue Hills]

I take it you don't like the book? I haven't read it for years, I my view it differently if I reread it but I remember years ago when me and my Good lady were going through a bad patch it proved useful.

some of it is interesting as I recall (I too I think have a copy buried somewhere) but I was rather left with the impression that after all read that it didn't amount to a hill of beans. Some of it also rather gave me the impression as I recall that the way for men to "understand" women better and gain the approval of the author was to just do what they want. At any given time. I was also I must admit rather influenced by seeing the author once - struck me as a bit of a prig - the sort of pontificating know-all guru who I wouldn't be surprised to find had a dysfunctional relationship himself. And was heading for exposure.
A woman I was involved with years later, way way past its peak (so much so that I was amazed that she was referring to it) referred to it now and again though have no idea if she had ever read it. She was definitely from another planet - mummy and daddy issues.
Well you did ask

edit - glad you and the partner sorted things out.

 

[mudsticks]

Nothing to do with women being superior. I think women are prepared to invest emotionally in a person that they come to know. Men feel more comfortable with their mates, in their clubs etc. So you have things like the Freemason and current private clubs where peer acceptance is important.

It's not just in the West. Its in Asia as well. I see more women in Japan, Korea etc with foreign partners than their local men.

Boys networking together to uphold the network, and to impress the boys..

Whilst the little lady stays at home to tend the hearth, and bake cookies right

Remember the Mars vs Venus thing that was topical at one time.

Yes unalloyed tosh, reinforcing gender stereotypes about women being excessively teary, and overly chatty, homebodies.

Whist the square jawed, gimlet eyed unemotional 'chaps' go out and chop wood, or metaphorically wrestle bears.

Or just long for a beer and to watch 'the game' with the boys..

Straight out of a 1930's women's mag.
I'm sort of surprised it didn't come with a knitting pattern ..

 

[All uphill]

I guess this chat topic was always likely to invite vast generalisations; many of which may have a grain of truth for some, and be unhelpful to others.

My generalisations for this topic are that culture runs deep in us and a relationship across cultural borders requires understanding, embracing and a recognition that neither person is the foreigner or native within the home. It took me a divorce to learn that!

Tell me why I am wrong!

 

[yello]

I'm from a different culture (well, certainly feels like it sometimes) and a total bugger to live with. If I could have divorced myself, I would have done so a long time ago. My wife's from Swansea and damned near perfect... or so she tells me. The first part I believe, the second bit... hmmm, well, I play along.

 

[mudsticks]

I guess this chat topic was always likely to invite vast generalisations; many of which may have a grain of truth for some, and be unhelpful to others.

My generalisations for this topic are that culture runs deep in us and a relationship across cultural borders requires understanding, embracing and a recognition that neither person is the foreigner or native within the home. It took me a divorce to learn that!

Tell me why I am wrong!

I'd agree, but there are plenty of cultural borders created by say age gap, and socio economic background, even between people ostensibly growing up and living within the same nation.

There are plenty of opportunities for miscommunication, and misunderstanding in supposedly the same 'culture'.

It's an age old saw but good relationships, of any nature, are generally created by good communication, and honest (but respectful) expression of feelings..

All well and good in theory.

Not always so easy to practice, in reality

 

[mudsticks]

I'm from a different culture (well, certainly feels like it sometimes) and a total bugger to live with. If I could have divorced myself, I would have done so a long time ago. My wife's from Swansea and damned near perfect... or so she tells me. The first part I believe, the second bit... hmmm, well, I play along.

I like the idea in theory of living with a 'perfect partner'

Until I realise I might have to live up to the same standards of 'perfection' .

Then having another reasonably flawed human as a mate seems like a better bet

 

[yello]

Then having another reasonably flawed human as a mate seems like a better bet

Oh, we go for a division of labour... and I've got ALL the flaws!

Nah, but obviously I get'cha. None of us are perfect (despite how we act sometimes) and negotiating our imperfections is what that thing called life can be about.

I know that one of the hardest things for me to do in my occasional, achem, 'exchanges' with my wife is to acknowledge/realise honestly to myself when I'm actually being a bit of a prick. Or worse, a total prick. The desire to 'stick to the guns' is strong. Then you kinda have to find a way back to sanity, and saving just a little bit of face, all whilst hoping your partner doesn't make that retreat too difficult for you.

I guess part of allowing that path back is the knowing that the same loving acceptance will be shown to you in due course, in the ebb and flow of flaws.

 

[mudsticks]

Oh, we go for a division of labour... and I've got ALL the flaws!

Nah, but obviously I get'cha. None of us are perfect (despite how we act sometimes) and negotiating our imperfections is what that thing called life can be about.

I know that one of the hardest things for me to do in my occasional, achem, 'exchanges' with my wife is to acknowledge/realise honestly to myself when I'm actually being a bit of a prick. Or worse, a total prick. The desire to 'stick to the guns' is strong. Then you kinda have to find a way back to sanity, and saving just a little bit of face, all whilst hoping your partner doesn't make that retreat too difficult for you.

I guess part of allowing that path back is the knowing that the same loving acceptance will be shown to you in due course, in the ebb and flow of flaws.

Well that's just greedy.

Maybe your partner could be allowed the occasional misstep...??

Saving 'face' at all costs does seem to be a common cause of friction though.

 

[presta]

The first Mrs Byegad could sulk for Team GB, expected me to somehow know what had upset her without being told

I had one of those (GF not wife), but not for long. She could pr*ck-tease for Britain too. After I gave her the elbow, she turned into a bit of a bunny boiler and broke in one day, so she ended up with a police invitation to b*gger off.

lots of other cultures put the food in the middle of the table and you can help yourself until you're full

I suppose the nearest we have is a buffet, but I hate them for fear of looking greedy. I tend to eat beforehand because people just don't understand how much those who exercise a lot need to eat.

 

[Supersuperleeds]

I like the idea in theory of living with a 'perfect partner'

Until I realise I might have to live up to the same standards of 'perfection' .

Then having another reasonably flawed human as a mate seems like a better bet

My wife lives with her perfect partner. Well I say lives with, more like puts up with.

 

[Richard A Thackeray]

I work with 2 Lancastrians, that's more than enough!!