Management Speak

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brokenbetty

Über Member
Location
London
Three that set my teeth on edge:

"utilise" instead of "use"
"myself" instead of "me" (or even worse, instead of "I")
almost anything written in the passive voice

Oh, and "impacted" instead of "affected". I'm pretty sure this one is down to uncertainty over affect or effect.
 
For our newly-installed Software Management system, we are required to list and document bugs found (as we have been doing for years, of course!) But now the word "bug" is taboo, we have to call them "software defects". I suppose it could have been worse, it could be "software unexpected feature" or "software non-functionality" or somewhat... Incidentally we have to log something called an "injection phase". This is nothing to do with mainlining, in case you were wondering, it refers to the time when the software engineer thinks the bug first crept in.

But what the new database doesn't account for, is the commonest phenomenon known to every software engineer in the land. Best summed up in the well-known nursery rhyme (slightly adapted):

Ten software bugs, lurking in the code,
Ten software bugs, lurking in the code,
And if you fix one bug, and re-compile the code,
There'll be eleven software bugs, lurking in the code... :cry:
 

Night Train

Maker of Things
I have a paper to write on Henry Mintzberg, http://www.mintzberg.org/
He believes that many of today's mangers, graduating out of business schools shouldn't actually be allowed to run companies before getting any hands on experience.

In other words if you don't know how to do the jobs of the people who work for you, then there is know way you can manage the company.

I hate all that management speak, especially brown bagging.

When I managed staff I always worked on the basis of never asking staff to do anything I couldn't or wouldn't do myself (except working on the top of a tall ladder when I would always offer the option of other means of safe access).

I have a tendency to ignore management speak unless it makes sense in plain, grammatically correct English. Unfortunately it isn't helping my empolyment position.
 
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There's a requirement to clarify the parameters of this discussion, the level of response indicates that rarerification isn't having the desired effect, so we need to get down and dirty to understand the grass roots agenda for moving forward. Each of us can be proactive in identifying areas of improvement, prioritising on a ROI basis to stratify, and bring meaning to, our working plan to get ahead of the field. Clearly, without this vital input, the chickens won't be coming home to roost and we could all end up with egg on our faces. Our structure will be rigidly fluid, crystalised in the most malleable form where we support the flexibility to stand firm in the face of adversity. Information is key and implementation of a two way cascade, on a need to know basis, sharing freely among a targetted audience will allow people to clearly understand the position. This all has to be against a framework of ethical unity with clear demarcation of stakeholder responsibilities and never losing sight of our driving principles. We have to meet this challenge head on while looking at the problem from all angles, smash our way through the barriers with subtley and finesse. This isn't a time for for sitting back, wallflowers don't win, it's a time for visionary guidance adapting synergistic energies to hone team prowess to a fine edge. Positioning in a vertical plane of cross purpose opportunity has never been more important, lateral thinking can take us there. Each of you needs to harness your knowledge base to plough this furrow before our seeds can take root. These seeds can only grow if they receive enough crap from above, so our mission is clear.



LMFAO !!!!!!!!!
 

Brandane

Legendary Member
Location
Costa Clyde
Classic compilation, MacB :biggrin:!!

Fortunately in 32 years of employment, I have never worked in one of these management speak environments so it was like reading a foreign language, but PMSL all the same.
 

phaedrus

New Member
There's a requirement to clarify the parameters of this discussion, the level of response indicates that rarerification isn't having the desired effect, so we need to get down and dirty to understand the grass roots agenda for moving forward. Each of us can be proactive in identifying areas of improvement, prioritising on a ROI basis to stratify, and bring meaning to, our working plan to get ahead of the field. Clearly, without this vital input, the chickens won't be coming home to roost and we could all end up with egg on our faces. Our structure will be rigidly fluid, crystalised in the most malleable form where we support the flexibility to stand firm in the face of adversity. Information is key and implementation of a two way cascade, on a need to know basis, sharing freely among a targetted audience will allow people to clearly understand the position. This all has to be against a framework of ethical unity with clear demarcation of stakeholder responsibilities and never losing sight of our driving principles. We have to meet this challenge head on while looking at the problem from all angles, smash our way through the barriers with subtley and finesse. This isn't a time for for sitting back, wallflowers don't win, it's a time for visionary guidance adapting synergistic energies to hone team prowess to a fine edge. Positioning in a vertical plane of cross purpose opportunity has never been more important, lateral thinking can take us there. Each of you needs to harness your knowledge base to plough this furrow before our seeds can take root. These seeds can only grow if they receive enough crap from above, so our mission is clear.

Wow!
 

Slim

Über Member
Location
Plough Lane
From an internal announcement to staff (at an almost nationalised bank from North of the border)......


"The intention is to embed real change, through providing ownership for action at a local level and removing the need for ridged reporting outside of our business delivery focused people plans."



As a mate at word said "Thank Christ they've got shot of the ridged reporting.
That always got on my tits."


 
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