Memorable Farts......yours or by others.

[Dave7]

Just listening to comments on R2 and it brought back 2 particular memories.
1. Wife and I were in bed, just waking up. I felt this one coming and shouted "red alert, red alert" then I let rip. To say it was loud is an understatement!!!! My wife jumped up in shock and, literally, fell out of bed. I was very proud of that one.
2. Until this particular moment neither myself or the family had heard my wife fart. We were all playing conkers (as you do) when my wife's conker fell to the floor. She bent down to pick it up and was caught by surprise by a good fart. 20 years on and she never lived it down

Who's next ?

 

[Ming the Merciless]

View: https://youtu.be/-s3RTKE2QV8?feature=shared

 

[Drago]

I did a belter in the garden centre the other day. It echoed about the place nicely and was followed with that lovely wet slapping sound as my buttocks clanged shut behind it.

In order to allay suspicion I then berated Mrs D in a loud voice for such coarse behaviour, although I have a sneaking suspicion the staff and witnesses knew the truth.

 

[Electric_Andy]

I was playing rounders at primary school, age 10, and was my turn to bat. I wanted to hit it further than anyone else so I really belted it. At the exact same moment, I farted. It was a forced, loud, reasonably high pitched one due to the strain of hitting the ball. The entire class heard it and started laughing, and the teacher just looked at me and said "poor boy"

 

[biggs682]

What a topic
It's how we get away with having a 4 tog duvet on all year round

 

[Drago]

What a topic
It's how we get away with having a 4 tog duvet on all year round

I knkw when you've been on the curry and Pernod because the sun appears to set in the North!

 

[wiggydiggy]

Firstly, this is the quality I want. 👌


Secondly:


Work night out. We had a few drinks then went for a curry. Some amusement was had as one chair was 6" from the table and couldn't move back because a column was behind it. I didn't sit there but chortled as someone tried to.


Post meal we headed out, basement bar so no windows and no obvious exits. This is important.


NORMALLY my farts are expected, arriving safely and deposited with no issues. However this one was a surprise. Like a tsunami of dying wilderbeast I let out a blast of obnoxious gas that rattled the glasses of the people around. It was silent, but deadly, and as soon as it had finished I knew I would be suspect.

My only option was to remain still, sip on my Banana Dacre and wait. Sure enough someone noticed, I waited, someone else spoke up "Who's ducking let one go?" was shouted. People began to move away and I hid within them.

But it was not enough. Nurgle's stench was upon us and there was no release. An exit was sought and a stampede of humanity released itself from my foul decay.

No one knew I was the deliverer of doom, until now


View: https://youtu.be/zIrRLiLn56w?si=uIA8jQVTyth1p50k

 

[biggs682]

I do sometimes think when I am out on my early morning rides through the local villages how many people I have woken up by farting as I cycle along

 

[Mo1959]

What a topic
It's how we get away with having a 4 tog duvet on all year round

Talking of which, I often wonder what the cat thinks of me some nights when she’s curled up with me under the duvet. 😼

 

[Dave7]

Talking of which, I often wonder what the cat thinks of me some nights when she’s curled up with me under the duvet. 😼

But but but, you are a lady and ladies don't fart......at least they don't admit to it.

 

[CentralCommuter]

that lovely wet slapping sound as my buttocks clanged shut behind it.

That is poetry right there.

 

[Toshiba Boy]

Family on a skiing holiday about 12 years ago.

Just finished evening meal, and enjoying some apres ski drinks.

Eldest stepson, who's a professional cricketer, and was in the very early years of his career at the time, had been explaining to us all day, different massages his County Physio gave the players, and said he could do one particular massage on us, to relieve the days skiing out of our shoulders and back.

His Gran volunteered, and was told to lie face down on the living room floor. Her grandson then squatted down and began to knead down either side of her upper spine.

After about 20 seconds, Gran let rip an enourmous fart. Grandson flew to the side of the sofa (where we were sat in hysterics), moving quicker than he ever has subsequently in the slips, in a first class match.

We don't, of course, ever mention it at family get togethers, all these years later.

Well, not too often.....

 

[Ming the Merciless]

followed with that lovely wet slapping sound as my buttocks clanged shut

Did you used to do the sound effects for the Clangers?

 

[Drago]

I do sometimes think when I am out on my early morning rides through the local villages how many people I have woken up by farting as I cycle along

Thst was you? Id put it down to plate tectonics.

 

[fossyant]

Proper Sunday thread this !