Memorable Farts......yours or by others.
- Thread starter Dave7
- Start date
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fossyant
Ride It Like You Stole It!
- Location
- South Manchester
Watch there is no follow through, some of us are old enough to be wary !
fossyant
Ride It Like You Stole It!
- Location
- South Manchester
Dog farts are bad. Cat ones, are rare, but deadly.
I think he runs off in case he gets blamed.
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Ife just googled dog farts. Not quite what I was expecting.
presta
Legendary Member
I dropped a particularly ripe one in the library once. A guy came bowling up the aisle, veered into the bay where I was standing, and rebounded off the aroma like he'd hit a glass door.
Once when I was lining up a photo of Scotney Castle in the viewfinder, I my concentration was distracted and dropped one accidentally.
"Pardon!" said the woman in twinset & pearls.
"Not you as well!" I said.
Unfortunately, mine aren't as aromatic, voluminous, or frequent as they used to be when I was cycling.
Once when I was lining up a photo of Scotney Castle in the viewfinder, I my concentration was distracted and dropped one accidentally.
"Pardon!" said the woman in twinset & pearls.
"Not you as well!" I said.
Unfortunately, mine aren't as aromatic, voluminous, or frequent as they used to be when I was cycling.
Surprise farts come with the territory when you've had trans anal bowel surgery. The orifice ends up somewhat slacker.
Vapin' Joe
Formerly known as Smokin Joe
- Location
- Bare headed cyclist, Smoker
My best was one Christmas day after a heavy dinner. It silently slipped out over a ten second period, gently warming the cheeks as it went. It dropped to floor level, spread like an upside down mushroom cloud and wafted slowly upwards. The rich aroma was incredible, the dog who had been lying at my feet got up and left the room. Mrs VJ looked up in horror as it reached her nostrils, uttered an oath in horror and then proceeded to blame the dog as it had done a runner.
The game was up a few minutes later when I let another one go, not up to the standard of the original but potent none the less. That was a Christmas I remember with fondness.
The game was up a few minutes later when I let another one go, not up to the standard of the original but potent none the less. That was a Christmas I remember with fondness.
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
My ex wife, who had no sense of humour, once threatened to divorce me for farting.
"Oh yeah? And who will you name as the respondent? My sphincter?"
That didn't go down well.
"Oh yeah? And who will you name as the respondent? My sphincter?"
That didn't go down well.
fossyant
Ride It Like You Stole It!
- Location
- South Manchester
Well, first sprouts of the season were consumed with Sunday lunch. I'll let you know the 'outcome' later.
newts
Veteran
- Location
- Isca Dumnoniorum
I was on a short cricket tour in Bristol about 35 years ago, been a tough couple of days & nights of heavy imbibing local ales. On the last day I let one slip through the gate whilst in a car with 3 other players, opening of the windows was insufficient to clear the obnoxious fumes. Pulled up with an abrupt stop everyone evacuating the vehicle retching & gasping 🙄
Love it when that happens.
Worst thing is though when you repeatedly let them out, but as you're in there for a while you become immune to the lingering gas.
Then you stop at the services for a bit, and when you get back in the car the smell hits you twice as bad as before. 😂
Ours does the same, as soon as she hears the noise she moves to the other end with a disgusted look on her face.
Weird thing is she never farts.
briantrumpet
Legendary Member
- Location
- Devon & Die
I think the most memorable one wasn't by me, but a friend, queuing for lunch in halls of residence, before the doors opened. Silent but totally deadly - everyone was making the normal disgusted noises and moving away from the fart zone, while he just stood there, all by himself, going "What? What have I done?"
Our puppy is a Cocker Spaniel apparently they are renowned for farting.
20 odd years ago, on a walking holiday in the lakes with my brother...
After three days of steak pie, chips and beans or the like, washed down with several pints of beer, I was on fine form on the day in question which had featured regular 'interruptions' much to the disdain of my sibling albeit we were out on the fells with no-one else around.
Cue stood in the supermarket queue in the Co-op, Coniston and he could see from the look on my face that another was brewing.
"Don't you dare" he said - which of course made me laugh out loud with the inevitable explosive consequence.
I walked out, still laughing uncontrollably, leaving him stood at the till with the cashier and several people in the queue behind him.
After three days of steak pie, chips and beans or the like, washed down with several pints of beer, I was on fine form on the day in question which had featured regular 'interruptions' much to the disdain of my sibling albeit we were out on the fells with no-one else around.
Cue stood in the supermarket queue in the Co-op, Coniston and he could see from the look on my face that another was brewing.
"Don't you dare" he said - which of course made me laugh out loud with the inevitable explosive consequence.
I walked out, still laughing uncontrollably, leaving him stood at the till with the cashier and several people in the queue behind him.
