School Bullies

[junglegusset]

Gut reaction - that's bonkers. With enormous effort, I suppose I might be able to come with a dafter idea - but, by heck, it'd be hard. Be confronted with the other kid's parents - and them on their belligerent, defensive warpath?

Absolutely. I was under the impression that schools always strongly advised against parents trying to sort things out amongst themselves. Unless you know own the parents are reasonable people (and it sounds like they aren't) then you are really putting yourself in a risky situation. As has been said, involve the police and write a stiff but non-hysterical letter to OFSTED outlining what has happened, how the school has/hasn't handled it, and this ridiculous piece of advice they have given you. Ask the school for a copy of their anti-bullying policy.

 

[ufkacbln]

i think it's worse now with all the cyber bullying going on and i don't think they should allow mobile phones in school, there is no place for them there.

Cyber bullying is relatively easy to deal with!

Keep the texts as evidence and build up a portfolio, then report.

Our friends complained to the Service Provider, and after some discussion over the texts the SP agreed that they were in breach and withdrew the service from the sender.

The offenders were left with a dead phone locked to a service provider who was now refusing to provide a service.

 

[mr_hippo]

They ain't nothing worst than knowing one of your siblings is suffering, whether it be bullying, or anything else for that matter. The thought of any of my children suffering in any way fills my heart with dread
There is something worse - your dad adding to your pain and suffering!

Its very likely fossyant 's sons perpetrator will come from some kind of poor family who get's ill treated at home though this ain't always the case. The child bully could come from a excellent home and just be some warped individual who enjoys inflicting pain and suffering to individuals and will always be a horrible bastard. Probably end up working in management finance lol

WOW!!! The bully could come from a poor family or rich family! Are there different kinds of poor family?

 

[Dayvo]

been there done that got the tshirt and the suspensions to show . i suffered from all the way through infants primary and secondary.

One of my mates at school (same year, different class) was lightly-built and ginger-haired and bullied relentlessly for five years.

In his 30s, he was walking through a town in north Essex, some 20 miles away from home, when he spotted the bully who had made his school years hell. The bully saw him and said 'Hello mate, long time no see, how are you?' My mate thought Christmas had come early and knocked the living crap, and more, out of this bloke. 'That's five years worth, plus interest' he said to the bully's wife and walked away with a clean slate and huge smile on his face.

 

[MontyVeda]

I still fantasise about kicking the living daylights out of my old bully... but I'm not a violent person. Why is lowering yourself to thug mentality supposedly a good thing?

 

[Dayvo]

I still fantasise about kicking the living daylights out of my old bully... but I'm not a violent person. Why is lowering yourself to thug mentality supposedly a good thing?

No-one says thug mentality is a good thing. But what would you do if you or a loved one was being attacked? You have to stand up for yourself, whether you're a violent person or not. And bullies almost never pick on violent people or people able to defend themselves.

And who knows the kind of mental and physical tortue that goes through a bully's victim's mind! There have been plenty of suicides by young victims from school bullying.

 

[subaqua]

I still fantasise about kicking the living daylights out of my old bully... but I'm not a violent person. Why is lowering yourself to thug mentality supposedly a good thing?

one of the bullies got his comeuppance nearly 10 years later. I was maintaining houses on an estate in warrington and was regularly repairing the local crazy hardmans( CHM) house. I discovered the school bully had joined cheshire police and was a beat bobby on the same estate. I asked the local CHM about this bloke and the CHM knew him and said he was hated as he was not "old school copper " . i told the CHM about his past history with me and he told me that the bully would be dealt with as i always sorted out the problems with the electrics in the house.

one of the other bullies also got his comeuppance when I was a foreman and had to employ a new electrician. one of the bullies applied and i took great pleasure in telling him he hadn't got the job as he wasn't the best candidate . i then told him exactly why he didn't get the job as it was down to his possible violent nature . i had never seen a man cry before that date ( apart from at funerals).

best served cold i think is part of the phrase

 

[Andrew_Culture]

Am I the only person who thinks getting vengeance on someone once they are adult for something they did as a kid is going a bit much?

 

[Dayvo]

Am I the only person who thinks getting vengeance on someone once they are adult for something they did as a kid is going a bit much?

Possibly, but it depends on your 'experience' and how much it affected/traumatised you, I suppose.

 

[compo]

I have told this before. I was one of the many kids in care who suffered sexual abuse from a housemaster. When I reported it I was punished for lying. The abuse continued even after this, so I just kept absconding. No-one believed me, not the school, not the police when they picked me up as an absconder. Back in those days adults were nearly always believed over children, especially approved school kids. I left school, and three years later put a bullet into that housemaster. Unfortunately he didn't die. It later came out I was not the only one he had messed about with. I have absolutely no regrets what I did and if circumstances repeated themselves would do the same again. At 65 years old though I don't think the Legion would have me again!

Once the story came out, and the extent of his abuse was realised the housemaster was tried and imprisoned. It didn't stop them banging me up when I returned to England 5 years later though.

 

[Lisa21]

From what you say about the parents it is hardly surprising that they are breeding thugs. I have absolutely no truck with bullies, I spent far too much of my life ruled by them... throughout school, in my first couple of jobs, and then a 14 year relationship with one.
Im surprised your wife is upset at you rocking the school boat tho, surely as a mother her prime instinct would be to mount the bully's head on a pole outside the school gates as a stark warning to everyone else who might think they are "hard". Mine would be.
Your son is very lucky to have this suppport tho, just keep on doing all you can for him and support him all the way-as you obviously are doing. And dont be hesitant to involve the police, assault is assault whatever the age of the people involved.
I did stumble across one of my worst school bullies a while ago, on Facebook. She was stunning looking in school..now she is grossly overweight, spotty, awful hair, and 5 kids by 4 different fathers. And single. LOL!!!!!!!!!! Oh dear, it made my day

 

[subaqua]

Am I the only person who thinks getting vengeance on someone once they are adult for something they did as a kid is going a bit much?

when you have had a friend cut you down from the noose , or your stomach pumped because your parents found you just in the nick of time, you might have a different view. Even then i still wasn't believed by the school. the worst bit is the people not beleiving you and being tarred as a liar when you have been teling the truth. bullying in workplaces is commonplace but gets called banter. beleive me there is a huge difference .

my Daughter was starting to get bullied in primary- I spotted the signs, and spoke to her, found out what was going on and then went to the school and spoke to the head. it was dealt with very very quickly.

 

[Lisa21]

Am I the only person who thinks getting vengeance on someone once they are adult for something they did as a kid is going a bit much?

Im sure there are others with that view.
Im not one of them tho, chances are that if a child is an obnoxious bully then it wont change that much in later years.

 

[fossyant]

Thanks folks. Been away, come back and went to my relatives 50th wedding anniversary today. Had a god chat with my older female cousin who has served in the police and specialised in child abuse cases. Her husband was also a Chief super or summat. Both have packed it in now, and live at the very top of Scotland.

Anyway, she advised no to the police or indeed the parent meeting. Carry on being supportive, listen to your child and support him in learning how to deal with them.

Usual answer, help them sort out the issue. We won't change the ring leader, but we can support him in countering the issues.

My other BIL, ex forces, suggested a few 'moves' to break someone's grip, especially the neck.

My wife is very up and down over this, I'm still suggesting my son carries on and smacks the kid again, he did fight back, but three on one.

Cant believe one of the kids came round not just a few nights ago to see if my son was coming out to play. There is a lot of pack mentality, and if we can break this with the other two lads, then the advantage is there. The other two lads parents are approachable, and are horrified. The main lad well the family have been bad eggs in this area for over 50 years.

As for smacking the dad out, hmmm, he'd probably be tanked up or on drugs.

I will let you know how it progresses. As said he is a tough cookie.

 

[Stonepark]

Thanks folks. Been away, come back and went to my relatives 50th wedding anniversary today. Had a god chat with my older female cousin who has served in the police and specialised in child abuse cases. Her husband was also a Chief super or summat. Both have packed it in now, and live at the very top of Scotland.

Anyway, she advised no to the police or indeed the parent meeting. Carry on being supportive, listen to your child and support him in learning how to deal with them.

Usual answer, help them sort out the issue. We won't change the ring leader, but we can support him in countering the issues.

My other BIL, ex forces, suggested a few 'moves' to break someone's grip, especially the neck.

My wife is very up and down over this, I'm still suggesting my son carries on and smacks the kid again, he did fight back, but three on one.

Cant believe one of the kids came round not just a few nights ago to see if my son was coming out to play. There is a lot of pack mentality, and if we can break this with the other two lads, then the advantage is there. The other two lads parents are approachable, and are horrified. The main lad well the family have been bad eggs in this area for over 50 years.

As for smacking the dad out, hmmm, he'd probably be tanked up or on drugs.

I will let you know how it progresses. As said he is a tough cookie.

I had a similar problem, but ended it when i caught the ring leader alone unexpectedly and gave him a kicking and a black eye.

Best defence is offence, get a soldier fighting training manual and teach your lad how to break grips and holds and hit vulnerable points, especially when out numbered. Never forget, running is a valid defence (if the bully is faster my old trick was to suddenly drop into a ball on solid ground when they were behind within touching distance, bully will go over and trip over you - hint do it on tarmac or near a wall), sets you up to kick them in sensitive parts.

Next fight was in 2nd year in high school, teacher wouldn't stop it so threw boy (not much smaller than me over three desks, and went for him, teacher had to drag me off. After that few would have a go at me as i was 'mental'....