So, when a woman decides....

[HelenD123]

I don't think it's a good idea trying to be friends immediately after a split, especially if one person still has feelings for the other. You need to take a break. It could be possible for a friendship to develop after a cooling off period, and like Noodley I'm still friends with most of my exes.

NT - only you know whether she saw this as an absolutely final decision to split or has just got cold feet because it's all happened so quickly and she needs some space to get her head round it.

 

[Speicher]

I was trying, and failing to put my thoughts into words on this. Helen123 has said exactly what I would have said. Give yourself some time to think about things.

 

[Archie_tect]

There's no point in thinking about it too much. You can't make someone like you so, if they don't anymore then accept them as they are.

You only get one life so best find the easiest route through it and enjoy yourself along the way. My son waited a year for his girlfriend, after she wanted to 'just be friends' before he realised she meant it- he was unsure and unhappy the whole time.

Just being friends means forgetting that you were ever anything else and getting on with it. Harsh but true.

Sorry Night Train, it's awful for you- hope you can put this behind you. She might realise that she's made a mistake, either way it's up to you to decide what you want to do, nobody else.

 

[very-near]

If the boot was on the other foot, many women would accuse you of using them...

 

[Kovu]

If the boot was on the other foot, many women would accuse you of using them...

Depends if its "friends with benefits?"

 

[Joe24]

Depends if its "friends with benefits?"

Woman

Friends with benefits? Just call it what it is. **** buddies

 

[tdr1nka]

An intense start to a relationship can often make people feel like they need to pull back a bit just to get some perspective on things.

There is every way you can remain friends but if the relationship was more physical than cerebral then the chances will be fewer.

 

[ComedyPilot]

There are plenty more fish in the chip shop. You've just got to coat 'em in your batter and get frying.

 

[Kovu]

Woman

Friends with benefits? Just call it what it is. **** buddies

Thats what I meant.

 

[Lisa21]

Dangerous ground, and my instinctive advice is to say avoid like the plague and dont go down that route.
But I dont know you, or her, and you might be able to do it as some people can but you need to be honest with yourself.
Do you still love her and would there be any hope in your heart about getting back together?

If so then forget it, have a clean break and if things happen then they happen. But "friends" with any undercurrents will end up very messy.

Stay friendly by all means, but neither of you will be able to move on if she will neither commit nor let go.

 

[Night Train]

Whoa, loads of replies!

Thanks, I feel cared for. Whatever your own feelings are towards this I am grateful for the input, it gives me something to think about and a range of experiences to refer to.

I have been able to do the friends thing and one of my friends has redeveloped feelings and reapproached me for a relationship again in the past. It didn't happen but we are still friends. My ex wife and I used to vet each other's dates after we split up.

I do tend to keep things separate and I don't to the holding hands, kissing and casual sex bit unless there are clear signals that say exactly what we are doing. I do also work on the 'If in doubt, ask!' thing so if she was to suddenly kiss me then I would stop her and talk about what is happeneing and why before I decide if I want to play along or move things onwards or bow out gracefully.

The ball is in her court as to what happens next but it is my decision as to how I respond to it. She may decide she wants to try again and I may decided that I don't anymore.

We will probably go and catch a film or a meal once in a while as I do with many of my female friends but I will also busy myself in my projects, of which there are many.

This one is the current favorite along with my house renovation.

 

[Aperitif]

nutter! Way to go!

 

[Speicher]

MMA welders, that sound very dangerous!

 

[Noodley]

An intense start to a relationship can often make people feel like they need to pull back a bit....

Maybe not the best turn of phrase

But maybe the younger male members of the forum can relate to that...

 

[Aperitif]

You'd do that before the shag you mean? Blimey, I hope to one day have your moral compass.

Watch out User76 - the way Night Train is headed, he'll weld your 'compass' to Magnetic North!