The Limerick Thread

[Ming the Merciless]

There once was a woman so haughty,
Her flowers she kept in her lady garden naughty,
To others a sneer,
She let all know that here,
Most blooms of her garden were plenty gaudy!

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

There was a cyclist called Ming
Who thought he'd like to sing
He rode up a climb
But could only mime
He'd run out of breath, poor thing

 

[Ming the Merciless]

The cyclist called Twenty Six by Twenty Five,
Was such a joke, it was plain to divine,
He'd puff and he'd pant,
Fumblin' and can't,
Ending up in an absolute decline.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

The cyclist called Twenty Six by Twenty Five,
Was such a joke, it was plain to divine,
He'd puff and he'd pant,
Fumblin' and can't,
Ending up in an absolute decline.

So true, especially the declining part..........

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

An anxious bridegroom from Dunoon
Would come to his climax too soon.
His bride did her best,
But when put to the test
Ran off with a golf pro from Troon.

(Another stolen from my pal)

 

[classic33]

There once was a runner named Dwight
Who could speed even faster than light.
He set out one day
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

There once was a great kangaroo
Who had a mighty encounter with a woo
The elephants charged on through the wall
But the kangaroos took their stand and stood tall
In the end the kangaroos won, so who knew?

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

Our cyclist Ming is a merciless man
He came up with one devious plan
He used his skills
To hammer up hills
Leaving us all dead (except for young Stan).

 

[classic33]

A cyclist with an attitude superior
Thought fixies with brakes quite inferior
'Til on course to collide
He ended his ride
With his head up the next guy's posterior.

 

[Poacher]

A sewer inspector from Hyde
Fell down a sewer and died
His unlucky brother
Fell down another
And now they're interred side by side

 

[Ming the Merciless]

A grumpy cycle-cheater was seen,
On a Sunday ride, ever so mean.
His cheating skills weren't amused,
And so he was refused,
Leaving in disgrace, his feet now clean.

 

[Poacher]

There was a young lady from Twickers
Who got on a bus with no knickers
Beside the conductor
Ten other men f***** her
Including a couple of vicars

 

[KnittyNorah]

An elderly Scotsman from Leith
Thought he'd lost his set of false teeth.
Til he sat down on a chair
(he'd forgot they were there!)
And they bit him on his underneath.

 

[Seevio]

Pretty sure I've posted this one before somewhere....

The was a young man from Bangor
Whose limericks stopped at line four
He didn't know why
But each time he'd try

 

[KnittyNorah]

At the beach, a young lady bathed nude
Not caring that this might be thought rude
Til a man came along
And - hang on, you are wrong! -
You thought this last line would be crude!