The Limerick Thread

[Scaleyback]

Can I 'snuck' this in. Not a limerick ? maybe a poem ? if so a bloody strange poem.

I wrote this for my Sisters 50th birthday. Young children and Granny, stick your fingers in your ears.


Ode to be 50

50's arrived, it's the age that they say
your face becomes wrinkly, and your hair becomes grey.
That your bum is now adjacent to your arthritic knees
and you piss yourself when you cough
and sh*t yourself when you sneeze

Your memory harks back to opportunities missed,
and the first time you scored = got laid and got pissed.
You can remember the Beatles and detention at school
Navy knickers, semolina and Muffin the mule.
Gobstoppers, hula hoops and sherbert dips,
teeth braces, pigtails and 4 penn'orth of chips.

The day after.

Well thanks goodness that's all over,
your now mature like fine wine.
Your hormones are settled,
your sex drive in decline . . . .

What ? how do I know all this about you ?
I've been there, I've done it, cos I'm 50 too.

Exit stage to the left

 

[Scaleyback]

A sewer inspector from Hyde
Fell down a sewer and died
His unlucky brother
Fell down another
And now they're interred side by side

Should the last line of that be:
" And now they're in(turd) side by side "

 

[Ming the Merciless]

A rabbit called Dylan who loved to get high
On some strong cannabis so he could fly
His friends thought him delightful
As together they'd light up a joint
And the smoke would rise up to the sky.

 

[Poacher]

Should the last line of that be:
" And now they're in(turd) side by side "

Whoosh...

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Can I 'snuck' this in. Not a limerick ? maybe a poem ? if so a bloody strange poem.

I wrote this for my Sisters 50th birthday. Young children and Granny, stick your fingers in your ears.


Ode to be 50

50's arrived, it's the age that they say
your face becomes wrinkly, and your hair becomes grey.
That your bum is now adjacent to your arthritic knees
and you piss yourself when you cough
and sh*t yourself when you sneeze

Your memory harks back to opportunities missed,
and the first time you scored = got laid and got pissed.
You can remember the Beatles and detention at school
Navy knickers, semolina and Muffin the mule.
Gobstoppers, hula hoops and sherbert dips,
teeth braces, pigtails and 4 penn'orth of chips.

The day after.

Well thanks goodness that's all over,
your now mature like fine wine.
Your hormones are settled,
your sex drive in decline . . . .

What ? how do I know all this about you ?
I've been there, I've done it, cos I'm 50 too.

Exit stage to the left

That’s sounds more like an 80 year old than 50 year old. Much of it tongue it cheek I suppose, to wind her up.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

A confirmed cyclist is twenty-five
He really hates to drive
He says "the car
is inferior by far
For cycling makes me alive".

 

[Ming the Merciless]

A cyclist from Scotland found himself in a jumble,
When signs were all written in English double.
He said with a frown,
"This aye cannae be right!"
And he rode off in quite a tussle.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

That Russian bully called Putin
Has started lots of shootin'
He's imposed much pain
In lovely Ukraine
We really should put the boot in.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

There once was old Joe Biden
Who rode on a bike that was hidden
Though his aides were in shock
He felt free as a rock
As he pedaled down the White House's garden.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

A very old chap called Phil
Took one enlargement pill
Such dreadful screeches
Came from his breeches
And it made him feel quite ill

Apologies to @Threevok for pinching line 2.

 

[classic33]

Racing through life with an engine full throttle
A foot in the grave and a hand on the bottle
In search of right living
You should have been giving
A little more time to my friend Aristotle

 

[roubaixtuesday]

There was a young fella named Nietsche,
Who was born with a very strange feature:
It swung from his nethers,
Had a crest of blue feathers,
And the scales of a reptilian creature.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

There was a wee wifey from Fife,
Who grew tired of her miserable life.
Her husband, the swine,
kept beating the Quine
so she cut off his b***s with a knife.

Another pinched one

 

[classic33]

A canner, exceedingly canny,
One morning remarked to his granny,
"A canner can can
Anything that he can;
But a canner can't can a can, can he?"

 

[classic33]

There once was a man named AFerris
Whom nothing could ever embarrass.
‘Til the bath salts one day,
in the tub where he lay,
turned out to be Plaster of Paris.