Training on three hours a week... according to the wife

[CanucksTraveller]

There's a balance somewhere, and every relationship is different of course. The fact that you're hearing shouty complaints does suggest that the balance in your relationship is way out of kilter.

Exercise is important, and I walk about 90 minutes a day most days, but I do that when it's not going to put anyone else out. So an hour during my work lunchtime, and just another 30 mins in the evening. I don't really go on regular long cycle rides on the weekends, that's family time. But when little one is otherwise engaged (friends, clubs etc) and my wife is visiting her Mum, I might get out and do a longer ride. It's just give and take.

And one of the key bits of give and take is the giving part... are you doing your bit domestically and as a husband? Are you cooking for her at least sometimes? Helping with cleaning, laundry etc etc? If you're doing a lot to help your partner, they're far better disposed to let you have your own time. It's hard for a partner though if they're doing all the graft and the other person is (seemingly) doing leisure pursuits the whole time.

 

[HarryTheDog]

The good news is that if she is complaining you are not spending time with her then she gives a fig about you. My Ex Wife let me do exactly as I liked, mainly cos she did not care a jot. ( She did go on bike rides with me sometimes and could go up hills like a demon, funny she said she would miss our rides together, her new partner is a fat unfit individual) )
With my current partner we seem to have a good balance, I took up one of her hobbies (dancing) and she took up cycling ( well until her heart attack but now she is getting back into it, nb heart attack not excercise related, stress related to her job and family)
She both Turbo trains with me sometimes and we go out on the odd weekend on a Tandem, I get a good workout and she gets to do gentle excercise.
As above said Marriage/relationships are about balance , does she have no hobbies etc, I know dancing is one of our hobbies but it is enjoyable together and hard to take up in current COVID times.

 

[BurningLegs]

15 hours a week on any hobby is a lot. Especially indoors, a lot can be achieved in much less.

In my experience it is being competitive in races that gives the biggest thrill, so I’d prefer to be a competitive B Cat on 3hrs a week than slogging my guts out for 12hrs a week and still not competitive in A. Perhaps that’s a big fish/small pond vs small fish/big pond point.

I don’t do any exercise other than riding and 3-5 hrs a week exclusively on the turbo took me to A Cat in Zwift races but not competitive.

 

[CXRAndy]

Your wife is insecure, feels threatened by your cycling. Compromise, be clear your desire to continue cycling. Try and involve her in your sport-if she's inclined.

She has to understand that you both need a little individual time not always be in each others pockets.

Hopefully you can find a middle of the road solution-see joke got in there

 

[Mr Celine]

If you'd rather be on the turbo than with your wife then one of them has to go....

 

[lane]

Used to find it difficult to find time when kids were younger - but now my wife will say "are you going out on your bike today - it looks a nice day?"

Not sure if that's a good thing but I am getting more miles in.

 

[goldcoastjon]

PizzaPopper,
"I spend more time on my bike than with her, I'd rather be out cycling than with her."
Did *she* say this or are you speaking for yourself in the above? Did you give her a chance to fully express herself and listen to how she feels until you fully understood her?

If you *are* riding more to *avoid* her, you need to take a good look at your own feelings and motivations: what is going on emotionally for both of you and what can you *both* change to make things better and healthier?

It *does* seem as if there may be other issues in your relationship that need attention. Do you remember why you married her and still enjoy the same activities together that you once did? If not, have you adjusted to a mutually-satisfactory different balance?

Does your wife ride or did she ever? Did she know you when you were racing? Does she have her own career? Did she ever participate in sports/activities on her own or does she have other activities she likes to pursue? Doe she have equivalent budget, time, and resources to "do her thing" compared to the resources (money, time, energy) that you spend on cycling now?

It's the quality of your time together that counts. Are you a more loving, nicer, and more affectionate guy when you ride? so, she should have noticed that "payback." If it's not happening, what can you do to be more considerate, including talking this all out in a non-defensive way. (Have you talked with a professional about any big issues in your relationship? That may help.)

You will both need to share your feelings honestly, respectfully, and clearly with each other. Your relationship is different than it was and always needs maintenance, just like bikes: ignoring issues or putting off preventative care is never good.

I met my beloved spouse and partner, Linda. 33 years ago -- on a bike ride. Even though she no longer rides (for now), she encourages me to ride because it is a physical, mental, and emotional necessity for my well-being. I dearly miss riding with her but she at least understands and supports my addiction. ;-)

I wish you both all the best in resolving this.

 

[PaulSB]

That is nothing like my marriage at all.

Nor mine. I am retired so this makes life much simpler in every respect. How one organises one's leisure time varies by circumstance and stage of family life.

The first rule in our house is "if you think it needs doing then do it " The other aspect is we have different tolerance levels of untidyness. The combination of these two mean I generally do all the tidying, laundry, ironing, housework. I also do the bulk of the shopping as I'm prepared to put in the legwork for the lowest possible cost, my wife simply goes to the one she's passing.

When the family was young cycling happened at 5.00am and home by 9.00am. When my wife encouraged me to join a club this was the signal I could do more.

Marriage is about give and take and compromise. Making a real contribution which creates the time to have some "me" time on the bike. If there is something else we want/need to do together I would always give up my ride unless I was due to do something very special.

Monday - cycle
Tuesday - all household chores
Wednesday - cycle
Thursday - shopping, allotment, garden, other stuff
Friday - cycling
Weekend - whatever is going on

Cycling is usually 09.00 - 14.00/15.00. I'd prefer to start earlier but my buddies don't.

My wife plays tennis 4-5 times a week for roughly 3-4 hours at a session so it all fits.

The number one thing though is marriage must include compromise which helps create the opportunity for both partners to get some "me" time.

Without this it doesn't work.

 

[galaxy]

Probably PMT.

 

[bikingdad90]

OP hasn’t been back since October. Probably wasn’t expecting such a strong and emotional response towards his wife.

 

[Big T]

A bit late to the party here, but the problem is solved by getting your wife a bike and riding together. Then you are spending quality time together and getting the miles in. After meeting me, my wife cycled until we had kids, we cycled as a family when the kids were old enough, when my daughter got into horse riding, my wife and daughter would do that whilst me and my son went cycling. When the kids left home, my wife started cycling again and we’ve now done Lejog, ridden in Majorca, the Canaries and the Alps, done cycle tours of Cuba and Scotland. Now we’ve both retired, we go cycling together 4-5 times a week - just a leisurely ride out to a cafe or a club ride.

When the kids were really small, I used to get my exercise whilst commuting to work 12 miles each way, leaving the weekends free for family stuff.

if you’re wife can’t keep up with you, get her an e-road bike.

 

[Sharky]

I wonder if Mrs Kenny moans about her husband spending too much time on a bike.

 

[kingrollo]

Boo - was looking forward to the conclusion of this one !!!

 

[byegad]

If I had the temerity to refer to Lady Byegad as 'the wife' I'd have ample opportunity to 'train', seeing as how I'd be sleeping in the garage with the bikes.

 

[Saluki]

Yes, he made one post and vanished.
I’m guessing his good lady realised that she’d married a troll and shoved him under a bridge.