True Facts About Escarpment Richard, formerly known as Cliff.

[DRM]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c62qrvd9303o
Police would like a chat with Cliff Richard, after an April Fools prank at Nigel Farage's house, where it is believed a person, or persons unknown placed a huge pile of dog dirt, wrapped in newspaper on Mr Farage's doorstep, then set fire to it, and knocked on the door and ran away, hoping Nigel would stamp it out.

 

[Drago]

Cliff Richard is in trouble again. His claims to have been in Africa digging wells for impoverished villagers have been called into question. Not only have the chairty concerned never heard of him, but he left his shovel in the shed at home.

Speculation is rife that he had instead been out breakdancing with Shakin Stevens again.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Cliff in more trouble as his medicine cabinet is opened.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c4gdwrpyyzdo

 

[Drago]

The Russian invasion of Ukraine was a desperate last ditch attempt to stop Cliff Richard playing an outdoor gig at Chernobyl.

 

[Drago]

Cliff Richard has scored a job as Rowan Atkinson's body double for the bedroom scenes in the new Bill Clinton biopic.

 

[Dogtrousers]

The Met Office has attributed the current dry spell to Cliff Richard. "He has offended the spirits of the air" said a spokeshuman wearing a Michael Fish mask.

 

[DRM]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/videos/c78gx85e05go
It is being reported that Cliff Richard has failed his final exam for the Gas Safe Course, a spokesperson said "He might be wired for sound, but he's no gas fitter"

 

[Drago]

Historians have unearthed Eva Braun's diary. It seems that Hitler had been in good spirits, but when Cliff Richard came over the bunker speakers singing Misletoe and Wine the dictator is recorded as saying, "FFS, its only May," and then shot himself.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Cliff has cancelled a live event after plagiarism row. He denies Happy Birthday to You was a well known traditional song, and not his original work.

 

[Drago]

Cliff Richard is in trouble for breaching the hosepipe ban after he was caught using one to fill his butt.

This came to light when the A&E doctor tipped off Thames Water.

 

[DRM]

Cliff Richard was studying to be a bricklayer in the late 50's & early 60's, one of his exam projects was to be contracted to build a wall in Berlin in 1961, he was particularly proud that it stayed upright until 1992, however, Berlins population might have had a different point of view

 

[Drago]

Despite recent controversy, Cliff Richard's memoirs, Crap and Unfortunate Songs, has been released in the US today.

Within hours of going on sale plagiarism software has identified 120 identical paragraphs from Norman Wisdom's biography, A Career Built on a Gormless Expression and a Daft Hat.

 

[Drago]

Cliff Richard has more questions to answer about his CV. His claims to have been Visiting Professor of Backing Vocals with the Brotherhood of Man have been denied by the group.

He also claimed to have been on an episode of the Six-Five Special that aired two decades before he was born. However, sources close to the 105 year old warbler claim that he actually meant this referred to a parenting project involving 65 child prodigies in the Irish village where he was raised. Sadly no one believes a word of it.

Claims to have had a brain tumour of the testicles have stretched credulity to the point where even Jeffrey Archer has withdrawn his name from the Good Grief Project letter of support.

 

[DRM]

Only Cliff Richard knows the secret of the Black Magic Box

 

[Drago]

Only Cliff Richard knows the secret of the Black Magic Box

His dear friend Cilla Black?






Edit - at least Stephec got the unspoken joke!