True Facts About Escarpment Richard, formerly known as Cliff.

[Ming the Merciless]

Escarpment Richard was disappointed in 1953 when he claimed the first ascent without supplemental oxygen of Ben Nevis. Officials dismissed it as a hill, not like Everest.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Escarpment Richard learned his trade as a young crooner in Parisian nightclubs. He went under the name Escargot Richard in those days.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Richard is 100% chalk

 

[Drago]

The new single, Bluebirds Over the White Escparment of Dover is already being found in the bargain bin at the letrol station.

 

[DRM]

Escarpment Richard is an alien from a different solar system, and found that singing was "a nice little earner" after his craft crashed in Roswell, New Mexico

 

[Webbo2]

As climbing chalk is often banned in climbing centres due the dust it creates. Escarpment Richard invented a liquid chalk that dries on your hands once applied.
Its known as Cliffs Jizz.

 

[DRM]

Escarpment Richard thought that Sherpa Tensing was a Nepalese variety of tea.

He then thought it was the moment in time when old British Leyland vans were put in the crusher

 

[Drago]

Escarpment Richard's house in Norfolk is right on the edge of the beach and in serious danger of being washed away due to coastal erosion.

Fortunately Escarpment has been of assistance to the local council in bolstering the sea defences by donating 10,000 boxes of unsold Greatest Hits albums that can be dumped on the shoreline to protect the houses.

 

[DRM]

Escarpment Richard was in receipt of a new Richard Force One private jet, the former BEA de havilland Comet, from 1953 will transport him on his world tours, in the full luxury, of a bygone era, it was a gift from British Airways, who were sick of it cluttering up a hanger at Luton Airport

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Escarpment Richard’s greatest hits album has been remastered onto 78 rpm vinyl. He likes to keep up with modern technology

 

[Drago]

Livin' Doll was a song about Escarpment's favourite sex doll.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Escarpment has admitted he was doing a moony in front of the Sun this evening.

 

[Drago]

Trouble for Escarpment Richard today when the solar eclipse shielded his home solar panels halfway through having a tattoo of Una Stubbs on his undercarriage. Escarpment had only paid for an hours worth of work, and without electricity all the tattooist could manage before the blackout was UN.

By a happy coincidence, Escarpment is a UN cultural ambassador to the BBC so the ink he did manage to receive will not be wasted.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Eacarpment claims he is Tom Cruise’s stunt double. Others have their doubts.

 

[Drago]

Escarpment Richard recently advertised for a bodyguard.

However, trading standards felt the ad was misleading and inaccurate and insisted he change the wording.

The revised ad went to press in June, and Escarpments new Strange Bendy Thing That Holds my Head on Guard reports for duty at the gjngerbread house on Monday.