True Facts About Escarpment Richard, formerly known as Cliff.

[Drago]

Christopher Reeve and Escarpment Richard's feud started when a drunk Richard gave Reeve a chunk of kryptonite for his birthday.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

In return Chris blew up Dicky’s prized Reliant Robin that he had bought off his mate Del Boy

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Breaking news. Dicky has just been arrested on the White Escarpments of Dover after lighting a disposable BBQ. He was singing “Don’t forget to catch me” at his time of arrest.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Dicky reportedly escaped and is rumoured to be wearing a bin over his head as disguise.

 

[Drago]

Escarptment Richard originally fell out with the BBC after he wrote a letter to the DG complaint about presenters wearing a suit without a tie, and brown shoes with blue suits.

The DG, who's family happens to own the UKs leading chain of blue suit with brown shoes stores, immediately took out a contract on the 114 year old warbler.

 

[DRM]

Escarpment Richard’s Double Decker bus has been a nice little earner for Cliff as he was known then, he used it as tour bus for many bands, with himself and the Shadows working as roadies, in fact Motörhead penned “We Are The Roadcrew” in honour of how hard they worked at each gig, describing the shenanigans that occurred on tour too

 

[Drago]

Escarpment Richard is such a drunken and drug-addled hell raiser that even Lemmy and Phil Lynott would pretend to have prior appointments if he asked them out for a "small Babycham."

Indeed, Richard Harris and Ollie Read each met early deaths trying to keep up with "Old Iron Liver" at a sherry tasting event.

 

[DRM]

Escarpment Richard & The Shadows got the job doing all the roadie work for Deep Purple, in 1971, for the recording of the Machine Head album, however things went rapidly downhill, when after a planning visit to work out how they would convert the Montreaux Casino into a studio, Cliff & The Shadows hid in order to sneak into the Frank Zappa gig later on, it was there, when one of them found a flare gun, and decided to pull the trigger during the final moments of the Frank Zappa gig that all hell broke loose, as the thing was loaded & set fire to the ceiling, the whole Casino burned down, luckily there were no serious injuries, so Escarpment Richard located the Grand Hotel, & struck a deal to record there, with a studio set up in the double decker bus, outside, the rest is history

 

[Drago]

The drought of 1976 was caused by Escarpment Richard leaving the garden tap running while he deperted for his annual
6 week double decker bus tour of the queue at Dover.

 

[DRM]

In the U.S.A, Escarpment Richard is known Mesa Richard to the locals

 

[PeteXXX]

It is impossible for Escarpment Richard to go swimming because as soon as he dives in, the wsters part & he's left floundering on the bottom of the pool 🤷‍♂️

 

[Drago]

Escarpment Richard came 2nd in the 1968 Eurovision with the song Congratulations (Holiday Orgy un a Red Double Decker Mix.)

 

[Drago]

In breaking news, the BBC have revealed that Keith Flint and The Prodigy are in fact Escarpment and the Shadows all dressed up. Aparremtly the idea came about after they all got high on Gees Linctus.

 

[DRM]

In a nod to his given name, Escarpment Richard is known as Die Spinne in Germany

 

[Drago]

During WWII a young Escarpment Richard was a member of the SS Enrertainers, Magicians and Comedians legion.

During the Nuremburg trials he was on the verge of being found not guilty, but when the judge heard him singing Power to All Our Friends he was sentenced to 5 years hard labour.