True Facts About Escarpment Richard, formerly known as Cliff.

[Drago]

The new fillum, Speed 3, is due in cinemas soon.

Sandra Bullock is in charge of a bus which has been primed with a bomb set to explode if Cliff Richard's character should stop singing.

Industry insiders have leaked the script, and its now no secret that Bullock decides to take her chances with the bomb.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

The new fillum, Speed 3, is due in cinemas soon.

Sandra Bullock is in charge of a bus which has been primed with a bomb set to explode if Cliff Richard's character should stop singing.

Industry insiders have leaked the script, and its now no secret that Bullock decides to take her chances with the bomb.

Ah, a horror movie

 

[Dogtrousers]

Cliff Richard recorded Devil Woman when he was struggling with feelings of guilt following his brief affair witth Una Stubbs.

 

[DRM]

Cliff Richard drew inspiration for his 1959 hit "Living Doll" when he purchased an inflatable Una Stubbs look a like, whilst he and The Shadows were performing in Blackpool, he later drew inspiration for his 1960 hit "Please Don't Tease" when he found "Una" had been punctured after getting trapped in his suitcase lid & lock, and every bike shop had sold out of puncture repair kits

 

[Drago]

Cliff Richard wrote Wired For Sound as a tribute to the local branch of Halfords who fitted a Goodmans MW/LW cassette player and wedge parcel shelf speakers to his mk2 Escort Harrier.

 

[DRM]

Cliff Richard is a fully qualified to degree level, Astrophysicist, he has done a lot of work with the European Space Agency, and NASA, his one claim to fame was the development of "Stealth" anti radar paint for the R.A.F & U.S.A.F, which he tested by painting his Peugeot 205 GTi with, then found it was invisible to every Police speed trap & camera in Britain

 

[Drago]

Cliff Richard was good friends with Stephen Hawking back the the early s
days when they were both studying double decker bus mechanics at Grimsby Poly.

Hawking fell ill with MND and a week later Cliff released We Don't Talk Any More, which was considered by many to be in very poor taste.

 

[DRM]

Cliff Richard's 1964 Hit "Twelfth of Never" was an ode to the Calendar he bought from Del Boy in Peckham Market, which only had 11 months in it, with each month having 34 days, Cliff says "it was a truly baffling publication"

 

[Drago]

Cliffs new album has been on trial release in Morocco, prompting 60,000 residents to try and fleet to Ceuta.

 

[Drago]

The Ukraine government has been condemned by the U.N. over its "degrading and inhuman" plans to drop thousands of Cliff Richard albums on Russian conscripts.

 

[stephec]

A signed first pressing of Summer Holiday was rejected as a feature on Antiques Roadshow by Fiona Bruce for being, 'a big pile of steaming sh!te.'

 

[Drago]

Jamaica is demanding slavery reparations from Cliff Richard over his continuing use of forced labour at his sugar plantation in Surrey.

 

[DRM]

Cliff Richard owns, runs, & is head chef of the Star of Lucknow, Indian Restaurant & Takeaway, using recipes that he & his family brought back from Lucknow, India in 1948, when things started to get a bit rough, indeed his Malai Makkhan is said to be exquisite, and is Michelin starred

 

[Drago]

Hank Marvin had to wear glasses to compensate for vision damaged caused when Cliff Richard accidentally flicked a gob of Bryl Creem in his eyes. Another consequence of this incident is that Marvin is now able to brush his eyelashes into a quiff.

 

[Drago]

Harry Webb is wanted in 9 countries around the world for various serious crimes. Cliff Richard claims to have never heard of the chap.