True Facts About Escarpment Richard, formerly known as Cliff.

[Dogtrousers]

Cliff would like to apologise to the nation for any bad advice he may have given.

Cliff wants to make it clear that mistletoe contains a toxin called phoratoxin and also compounds known as viscototxins which can cause vomiting, diarrhoea and stomach cramps. Furthermore, these effects can be exacerbated by alcohol.

Cliff is very sorry for any misunderstanding and wishes to reassure the families of those who misinterpreted his song that their loved ones are now happy with Jesus. So they should be thanking him really.

 

[PeteXXX]

Cliff once did a cover of Arthur Brown's 'Fire' but with him not realising Brylcreme was flammable, his quiff caught alight.

The video footage was never aired..

 

[postman]

aired..

Typo should read Haired.

 

[Drago]

Cliff once did a cover of Arthur Brown's 'Fire' but with him not realising Brylcreme was flammable, his quiff caught alight.

The video footage was never aired..

The sight of Cliff dunking his flaming head in a cattle trough inspired Hank Marvin to write In the Country.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Cliff Richard auditioned for the part of Hans Solo. But his improvisation of solo got him thrown out.

 

[Drago]

Oasis modelled their early 90's look on Cliff Richard's wig.

 

[DRM]

View: https://youtu.be/mg0MMqKBbyw

Cliff wants to make it clear that mistletoe contains a toxin called phoratoxin and also compounds known as viscototxins which can cause vomiting, diarrhoea and stomach cramps. Furthermore, these effects can be exacerbated by alcohol.

It is understood that due to the explosive effect of mistletoe consumption, Cliff wrote the above ditty, hoping it may go some way to making up for his previous gardening advice

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Cliff Richard was found as a baby when a section of the White Cliffs of Dover collapsed.

 

[DRM]

It has been revealed that Cliff was in late stage negotiations with Chris Rea, to have the summer holiday double decker bus converted to a time travel machine, just like the Time Transit, sadly Chris Rea passed away before Cliff could get the bus up to the Teesport Time Travel Megabase

 

[Drago]

Cliff Richard wrote The Young Ones as a warning to the BBC about the rumours surrounding some of their DJ's. Sadly the inclusion or the word "nipple" in the lyrics saw the song banned and the Director General at the time, Mr B Mussolini, never received Cliff's warning.

 

[stephec]

The reason that Sue Barker broke up with Cliff was because she got sick of having to dress up as Una Stubbs in Summer Holiday every time she wanted a bit of how's your father.

 

[Drago]

The film Summer Holiday, clean living and wholesome by 2026 standards, was so filthy and raunchy in 1963 that Cliff was banned by magistrates from ever travelling on public transport. This put paid to the planned sequel, Cliff's Autumn Break on a Double Decker.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Cliff Richard wrote most of the scripts for On The Buses.

 

[Drago]

The character of Alf Garnett was based on Cliff Richard, even down to the bald head.

 

[Drago]

Cliff Richard's long running feud with Hulk Hogan started many years ago.

The muscle bound moustache bearer was a huge Cliff fan and had begged his idol for the roller skating part in the video to Wired For Sound. Unfortunately, Cliff has a morbid fear of both muscles and moustaches so hired a young Rowan Atkinson, who had neither, for part.

This did not go down well with Hogan, who is not the kind to either forgive or forget. At one gig in Oslo, where Cliff was supporting Black Sabbath, Hogan leapt upon the stage and chinned Cliff's bodyguard, one Mr Daniel Dyer esq, and rushed across the stage to give Cliff the kiss of death.

Cliff knows the day will come when Hogan will exact his revenge, but even Ross Kemp, Jason Statham and Andy McNab are fearful of taking a security job with the evergreen popster. Hogan has already toyed with Cliff, making malicious allegations to the police and the BBC, and hacking Cliff's website to show a screen that says "HULKAMANIA!" In large red letters, and it is surely just a matter of time before Hogan takes the ultimate revenge.