True Facts About Ross Kemp

[DRM]

Ross Kemp is singing Great Britain's entry in the Eurovision Song Contest this year 🎶

A cheerful ditty called "You're Going Home In A F*&%ing Ambulance"

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Ross Kemp was born with a scowl.

Ross Kemp was actually created in a chemical spillage on the M25.

 

[Drago]

The M25 was supposed to cut through London but planners were too frightened to compulsory purchase the Queen Vic and incur the wrath of Ross Kemp.

 

[DRM]

News reports from Australia say that several Great White Sharks have suffered Ross Kemp attacks in the New South Wales area

 

[Drago]

The Great Storm of 1987 was in fact the result of Ross Kemp lighting his farts after a diet of Pernod and duck eggs.

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp was immediately disqualified from the East End Farting Competition when he dropped his keks, gripped the pole, and s**t himself.

 

[accountantpete]

Ross Kemp is cuurently filming a "Survivalist" tv series where he attempts to go a whole month eating solely at 1 star Michelin restaurants.

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp looks so much like Heston Blumenthal that the pair regularly swap places for the day. Kemp tries to arrange this for a day when he's due in court, or fish and chip day at the restaurant.

 

[Way-Out-West]

In an ill advised appearance on RuPaul’s Drag Race, Ross Kemp thought he’d won after dragging the host 12.3 miles over rough terrain.

 

[Drago]

During Fridays appearance on Countdown, Ross Kemp stared Richard Whitely in the face and counted down slowly from 10 before nutting the quizmaster.

 

[PeteXXX]

Apparently, Ross Kemp has not yet received his invitation to Windsor Palace this week.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Eddie Hall tried to lift Ross Kemp over his head. This wasn’t possible as Ross Kemp is as dense as a Neutron star. Eddie then backed out of their MMA fight saying he will be washing his hair that day.

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp never bathes. Twice a week he strips naked and Steve McFadden sprays him with Febreeze.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Ross Kemp was thrown off Worlds Strongest Man for juggling the atlas stones.

 

[Drago]

At this year's Highland Games Braemar was left without telephone and Internet after Ross Kemp forgot his glasses and mistook a telegraph pole for the caber.