True Facts About Ross Kemp

[Drago]

Ross Kemp is responsible for the Hindenberg disaster. He'd been rubbing balloons on the carpet and sticking them to his head as a party trick, hut an errant static discharge raised a spark...and the rest is history.

"Oh the humanity...ponces!"

 

[DRM]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cyv6q5e8gvpo
Ross Kemps visit to Swansea ended in disaster, after visiting the pub & drinking it dry, he set off back to his digs, however, he got caught short, & went behind a bush, however he accidentally flooded the main road into Swansea, emergency services are on hand to deal with the deluge.

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp has been selected as Hia Majesty's Governments Ambassador to America.

Hes been thoroughly vetted, and Gary Glitter and Huw Edwards have both assured the PM that Kemp has no links to Jeffrey Epstein.

 

[Dogtrousers]

According to the Office of National Statistics, Ross Kemp has the lowest surface area to volume ratio of any East Enders cast member.