True Facts About Ross Kemp

[PeteXXX]

Ross Kemp is the secret love-child of Albert Tatlock & Ena Sharples. ♥️

 

[Dogtrousers]

When he grew up a little Ross Kemp started to watch the Muppets on TV. He suffered a major relapse of his television induced rage condition, telling "You muppets, Muppets". He yelled so hard that he cracked the screen a

 

[Drago]

There is an injunction preventing Ross Kemp from visiting the Coronation Street set or from publicly referring to Ken Barlow as "Dad."

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Ross Kemp is the world record holder for the most eggs cracked with one hand in a minute. He achieved the feat at a local village fete, much to the astonishment of the onlookers. Hence his nickname “egg head “

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp has recently been working with the SAS as as an instructor, teaching troopers how to wear a leather jacket while working undercover.

 

[Moon bunny]

Ross Kemp has recently been working with the SAS as as an instructor, teaching troopers how to wear a leather jacket while working undercover.

And pretend to be park gardeners by lightly forking the same patch over and over again.(Dungannon, 1989).

 

[Dogtrousers]

Ross Kemp has a warehouse entirely full of Banana Nesquick, just in case.

 

[accountantpete]

Ross Kemp is seeking a new house - preferably with a surrounding trench and tunnel system already installed.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Ross Kemp recently went on the rampage through the offices of BBC top brass.

A regretful Director General admitted: "We were so preoccupied with whether or not we could create Ross Kemp, we didn't stop to think if we should"

 

[Drago]

Donald Tusk has stated today that he will not hesitate to order Ross Kemp be shot down if he intrudes into his Wife's "airspace" again.

 

[DRM]

Ross Kemp was hired by the soviets to tert the Berlin wall. Over the years he made 28 successful crossings undetected and by the late 80s the soviets realised they were on to a loser.

This pleased Kemp, who from then on found it so much easier to attend Moscow Dynamo ice hockey games.

Ross Kemp is a fluent German speaker, due to his frequent incursions across the Berlin Wall where he also used to play football for F.C Dynamo Dresden, with the club being linked with the Stasi, he learnt many state secrets from his team mates, and also made his fortune from selling them leather jackets that weren't up to his exacting standards, for undercover work, along with dodgy radio cassette players he would purchase from Trotters Independant Traders in Peckham, for the company Lada's & Moskovitch's

 

[lazybloke]

All Corona-viruses are currently in lockdown because they are terrified of accidentally infecting Ross Kemp

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

During the (so called 'Great') Train Robbery in 1963, it was actually Ross Kemp who coshed Driver Jack Mills on the head and threw his Secondman, David Whitby, down the embankment, leaving loco D326 and it's train for the abuse it would receive.

Neither men ever really recovered and died young. 😭

Ironically, Steve McFadden was later an extra in the 1988 film 'Buster' (using loco D306 at the Nene Valley Railway) I kid you not.

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp has no fingerprints.

 

[accountantpete]

Ross Kemp will be hosting this year's Children In Need

Of National Service.