True Facts About Ross Kemp

[Drago]

The local gang members that sit on the back bench in the pub are angry with Dirty Den and they may try to overthrow him in favour of Ross Kemp. Meanwhile Dens missus, Angie, is plotting to dump Dirty Den and become Kemps 2iC.

 

[DRM]

Word in parliament is that Dirty Den may end up defecting to Reform, where it's believed he would be good fit

 

[Gwylan]

Word in parliament is that Dirty Den may end up defecting to Reform, where it's believed he would be good fit

But they're a bit too soft for him.

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp has been in Calais slashing rubber boats with his trusty meat cleaver.

 

[DRM]

However he's had to put a request into the Queen Vice for extra funds, as it's costing him a fortune in Croissants, Pain au Chocolat, Crepes & Moules Marineres.

 

[Gwylan]

However he's had to put a request into the Queen Vice for extra funds, as it's costing him a fortune in Croissants, Pain au Chocolat, Crepes & Moules Marineres.

Such a martyr to all that forin muck

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp is hoping to be selected for the drewmkf Artemis 3 as he plans to claim the moon for Walford.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Meanwhile, Ross Kemp:

 

[Drago]

President Trump has written to Ross Kemp asking his if he can have the M.O.A.B. back if hes not planning on using it anytime soon.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Ross is currently on a top secret mission. We know that he has taken his big catapult and a large supply of pork pies from the Queen Vice. It is said to cost £5 per pork pie deployed.

 

[Drago]

Iran have considered appointing Ross Kemp as the next ayatollah, a tactic guaranteed to make Trump call off the war.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Ross Kemp is hoping to be selected for the drewmkf Artemis 3 as he plans to claim the moon for Walford.

He actually wants to claim it for Sharon, Tiffanny, Phil, his old Ma and the rest of the Famurlee.

He does admit that pouring and drinking a pint in the reduced gravity might have it's issues though, so it may be some time before there is a Queen Vic on the moon...

 

[DRM]

There's a rumour doing the rounds that during his top secret visit to RAF Akrotiri, Ross Kemp punched a drone that was heading for his new NAAFI Bar, The Episkopi Queen Vice

 

[Drago]

Following a mysterious phone call the board of OPEC have declined to increase prices at the Walford Fina petrol station,

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

In an act of defiance, Ross Kemp is currently sailing a pedallo up the straight of Hormuz (or 'Ormuz as he calls it).

Unfortunately, the only craft available is shaped like a character from Paw Patrol, so if anyone laughs, they are totally 'getting it!', right?