Uncle Drago's agony column

[Slow But Determined]

Uncle Drago.

Will there ever be a day when there is not a lorry broken down on the M6 between junctions 15 & 19 causing massive tailbacks in the rediculously long road works section?

 

[classic33]

Uncle Drago.

Will there ever be a day when there is not a lorry broken down on the M6 between junctions 15 & 19 causing massive tailbacks in the rediculously long road works section?

No, they'll just move the roadworks, slowly.

 

[Drago]

Uncle Drago.

Will there ever be a day when there is not a lorry broken down on the M6 between junctions 15 & 19 causing massive tailbacks in the rediculously long road works section?

Only when people stop buying useless consumer tat that requires so many lorries. Blimey, a sensible answer!

 

[captain nemo1701]

I found two pairs of non-matching socks in my sock drawer.

This is due to wormholes in the space-time continuum opening in the rear of the washing machine drum on high spin. Funny how it's only the left sock, eh?.

 

[Andy in Germany]

This is due to wormholes in the space-time continuum opening in the rear of the washing machine drum on high spin.

Don't be silly: It's the small sock monster that lives behind every washing machine and eats one sock of the pair.

Funny how it's only the left sock, eh?.

Only the British one eats the left sock; the European ones eat right socks. There is a massive government department dedicated to making sure foreign Sock Eaters don't get into the UK because that would cause chaos.

 

[gaijintendo]

Misread this thread as "angry column".

 

[Edwardoka]

This is due to wormholes in the space-time continuum opening in the rear of the washing machine drum on high spin. Funny how it's only the left sock, eh?.

Don't be silly: It's the small sock monster that lives behind every washing machine and eats one sock of the pair.
Only the British one eats the left sock; the European ones eat right socks. There is a massive government department dedicated to making sure foreign Sock Eaters don't get into the UK because that would cause chaos.

No no no. It's the left sock in the northern hemisphere, the right sock in the southern hemisphere. Has to do with centripetal force and angular momentum and rotating frames of wossname

Same reason toilets flush in different directions depending which side of the political fence you sit on

 

[classic33]

No no no. It's the left sock in the northern hemisphere, the right sock in the southern hemisphere. Has to do with centripetal force and angular momentum and rotating frames of wossname

Same reason toilets flush in different directions depending which side of the political fence you sit on

If you lived on the equator, facing South, whilst sat on the political fence, with a lean to the right. What'd happen?

 

[Edwardoka]

If you lived on the equator, facing South, whilst sat on the political fence, with a lean to the right. What'd happen?

The Coriolis effect means that you'd fall off the fence and slide away, only stopping when you crash into the ice wall that surrounds the earth, obviously.

 

[classic33]

Dear Uncle Drago,

I am a happily married man in his 40's who loves his wife of 20 years very much. We have an active and fulfilling life but for some time now my wife has been asking me if I would be interested in wife swapping. Personally it gave me the shivers but, because I love her dearly. I eventually gave in, and so my wife invited around some of our friends, and Jackie and Laura for the night.

We opened a bottle of wine, and one thing led to another until at the end of the night she'd swapped me for a complete set of 1970 Mexico World Cup medallions from Esso, a set of tumblers and 4,000 Embassy coupons.

Is this right? I would have thought I was at least worth a decanter set.

Hurt, Hull.

 

[Drago]

If you lived on the equator, facing South, whilst sat on the political fence, with a lean to the right. What'd happen?

That's exactly what Bill Clinton did, and he ended up getting frisky with Monica Lewinsky. Therefore, you'd have sex with an intern, would fib about it, would dodge impeachment proceedings, and then go on to preside over the longest period of sustained economic growth in 40 years.

 

[Andy in Germany]

No no no. It's the left sock in the northern hemisphere, the right sock in the southern hemisphere. Has to do with centripetal force and angular momentum and rotating frames of wossname

Same reason toilets flush in different directions depending which side of the political fence you sit on

That's just government propaganda. Sock Monsters are poised to take over, I tell you.

 

[classic33]

Dear Uncle Drago,

I'm the happily married father of two teenage boys. The other day I overheard my older son (age 17) talking with a friend about "twerking." I have never heard of it and now I'm worried. Is twerking a drug term? Is it similar to "tripping," "getting high" or "catfishing"?

My 17-year-old is supposed to go to Oxford next year, and I'm afraid "twerking" will derail him from his charted path. Thank you for any advice you may have.

Troubled
Tynemouth.

 

[Drago]

Dear Troubled,

I do believe tweaking is a code name for chasing the Dragon, itself a term used to divert listeners from conversations about the moonies. Your boy will need abducting and deprogramming. If you can't afford that, then a lobotomy should do the job.

 

[Edwardoka]

Dear Uncle Drago,

I'm the happily married father of two teenage boys. The other day I overheard my older son (age 17) talking with a friend about "twerking." I have never heard of it and now I'm worried. Is twerking a drug term? Is it similar to "tripping," "getting high" or "catfishing"?

My 17-year-old is supposed to go to Oxford next year, and I'm afraid "twerking" will derail him from his charted path. Thank you for any advice you may have.

Troubled
Tynemouth.

Dear Troubled of Tynemouth,

Twerking is where you huff cat bottoms in order to deliberately contract toxoplasmosis - I understand that this brings mild euphoria any time you see a cat afterwards.

If it makes you feel better I only recently learned what catfishing was, and was horrified to learn that I had been doing it wrong all along

Best wishes
Lucinda, 19.

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