Uncle Drago's agony column

[Mad Doug Biker]

You really want me to answer that?!
You are a boring square pants man with no apparent compulsive disorders, bereft of stalking attributes and tendencies of obsessive amorous fixation (weather presenters, combine owners or otherwise)
So there.

Naw, ahm dead posh ye know, ahm fae the Drum!

 

[classic33]

You really want me to answer that?!
You are a boring square pants man with no apparent compulsive disorders, bereft of stalking attributes and tendencies of obsessive amorous fixation (weather presenters, combine owners or otherwise)
So there.

You'll have time to regret saying that!
He knows what a 164, 303 and a 478 are.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

You'll have time to regret saying that!
He knows what a 164, 303 and a 478 are.

Classic is adamant that they are dishes from his local Chinese Takaway.

Sorry, wrong thread.

 

[Pinno718]

So far I have come up with a Philipino penal code, a Dallas county statute and a bus route.

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

So far I have come up with a Philipino penal code, a Dallas county statute and a bus route.

From what I can remember a 303 is a gun

and 478 is a breathing technique
apparently

164 is easier as it is clearly a zero of the Mertens function

not sure how they all connect thought

 

[raleighnut]

From what I can remember a 303 is a gun

and 478 is a breathing technique
apparently

164 is easier as it is clearly a zero of the Mertens function

not sure how they all connect thought

Nah 164 is a Volvo, from BITD when Volvo model numbers made sense (series 1 with a 6 cylinder engine and 4 doors) 303 is a QUAD class A/B poweramp but not sure what 478 is though,

 

[Dave7]

Dear Uncle Drago.
Could you, with your infinite wisdom, help me with a problem.
That woman up the road phoned me to tell me where that Aubrey blighter had hidden my beautiful car.
I collected it only to find the blighter had totally ruined the drivers seat AND the chassis had a large hole in it.
Anyway I fired it up and blasted off at the top speed of 15 mph only to find I had a lovely tingly feeling in my nether regions.
When I looked down I realised my dangly bits were being dragged along the tarmac.
As it was so enjoyable I let it continue for 20 minutes.
So here I am in A&E trying to explain the gravel rash on my bits.
Do have any advice for me please?
PS
Please don't let that Aubrey person know of my plight as he will no doubt approach that woman once again.
Yours
Mr Todger.

 

[Drago]

Dear Wodge,

Sounds like you need 900cc of Isopon P40 and newspaper, stat!

And if there's any left over once you've touch up your gravel rash you can use it to fix the holes in your car and seal up Auburn's door locks.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

You really want me to answer that?!
You are a boring square pants man with no apparent compulsive disorders, bereft of stalking attributes and tendencies of obsessive amorous fixation (weather presenters, combine owners or otherwise)
So there.

I know you are, but what am I? 🤣

 

[Drago]

I know you are, but what am I? 🤣

I think he likes you.

 

[Pinno718]

I think he likes you.

That's all I need - a bloody love triangle.

 

[tyred]

Dear Uncle Drago,

I did my best to fix the Raleigh for that woman up the road. I got it back into reasonable shape with the use of a 4lb lump hammer and a large pry bar. There were some chips in the paint which I touched up with TipEx.

What I've found is that it is very good at going around right-hand corners but not so good on left-handers. I think it probably still needs some tweaking.

To help cheer her up, I've decided to invite her out somewhere to take her mind of the bike. I'm thinking about inviting her to see a Harry Lauder tribute act. Do you think she'd like that?

To make a special occasion, I might invite her round to cook her something nice. What would you recommend - a Spam and brown sauce sandwich, a Pot Noodle or boiled egg on toast? For dessert, perhaps butterscotch Angel's Delight?

Yours faithfully,
Aubrey

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

That's all I need - a bloody love triangle.

Especially if it turns out to be the Bermuda Triangle...

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

Dear Uncle Drago.
Could you, with your infinite wisdom, help me with a problem.
That woman up the road phoned me to tell me where that Aubrey blighter had hidden my beautiful car.
I collected it only to find the blighter had totally ruined the drivers seat AND the chassis had a large hole in it.
Anyway I fired it up and blasted off at the top speed of 15 mph only to find I had a lovely tingly feeling in my nether regions.
When I looked down I realised my dangly bits were being dragged along the tarmac.
As it was so enjoyable I let it continue for 20 minutes.
So here I am in A&E trying to explain the gravel rash on my bits.
Do have any advice for me please?
PS
Please don't let that Aubrey person know of my plight as he will no doubt approach that woman once again.
Yours
Mr Todger.

I would suggest Witch Hazel on your rash
They always used it when I was at Prep Primary school when boys tripped over and scraped their knees

it always seemed to work and was a great lesson in not doing it again
(in most cases - not telling the teacher that you had grazed you knees - boys always run and trip over - often with help from other boys)

so a liberal splash of witch hazel in alcohol will sort you out
I think Drago would be happy help help apply it

 

[Drago]

Dear Uncle Drago,

I did my best to fix the Raleigh for that woman up the road. I got it back into reasonable shape with the use of a 4lb lump hammer and a large pry bar. There were some chips in the paint which I touched up with TipEx.

What I've found is that it is very good at going around right-hand corners but not so good on left-handers. I think it probably still needs some tweaking.

To help cheer her up, I've decided to invite her out somewhere to take her mind of the bike. I'm thinking about inviting her to see a Harry Lauder tribute act. Do you think she'd like that?

To make a special occasion, I might invite her round to cook her something nice. What would you recommend - a Spam and brown sauce sandwich, a Pot Noodle or boiled egg on toast? For dessert, perhaps butterscotch Angel's Delight?

Yours faithfully,
Aubrey

Dear Audi,

Nice work with the repairs.

Who needs to turn left anyway?

Taking her out is a marvellous idea, but a word of advice - stay off the booze. Remember last time when you'd had a few sherries and you accidentally took her to see thwt Niki Lauda tribute act? The bit where he set fire to himself left her deeply traumatised and required a cuddle from your love rival.