Ways to jazz up football...

[Arch]

OK, I was listening to the Today programme this morning, and the sport report came on and it occured to me that now the Olympics are over, it'll be back to football as the headline sport every time. Each to their own, but really, I have no interest whatsoever. So I've started to think of ways to make it more interesting.

1) Play every game on the Golden Goal principle. First to score, wins. Some games could be over in minutes (and then they could be replaced on telly by cartoons or decent old films, like they used to do with rained off county cricket), or go on for hours until all players were exhausted and staggering around. Slight problem with the Pools of course, as there would no longer be any draws, score, or no-score...

and/or

2) I don't know if they still do, but my memory of watching the Cup Final was that they had the band of the Royal Marines on before and in the interval to match about and play tunes. They should do this for every game, but leave the band on. They would march up and down, and play would have to go round them. Points might be awarded for kicking the ball so that it landed in a tuba. Obviously the Royal Marines would be a bit stretched, so local marching bands could be substituted. For added excitement at big games, they could be replaced by the Kings Artillery Cavalry Field Gun outfit.

So, anyone got any other ideas? Or ideas for any other sport that needs jazzing up a bit?

 

[Kirstie]

They should all run around the pitch doing 'jazz hands', whilst trying to play, as demonstrated by this kitten, or should I say, kitteh:

 

[TheDoctor]

Get all the players, officials and half-a-dozen fans onto the pitch before-hand, choose two captains by pulling names from a hat, then they have to choose thier team from the available pool, taking it in turns to choose. And the goals should be made of a heap of coats.

'One Sport to the Tune of Another' A footy team plays a netball team, say, each home team playing on thier own pitch to the other set of rules, or something.

 

[Smeggers]

A very hungry lion unleashed onto the arena pitch would do it for me.

 

[Arch]

5)Only allow people to support the team geographically nearest to them. In the situation where the city they live in has more than one football club, then they can choose between these.

On a serious note, I'd certainly think it was more intersting if players had to come from the town they play for, or at least the country!

Ok, back to the daft ideas....

 

[Maz]

Go to a commercial break just as a player is about to take a penalty.

Commentator: "and it's Lampard who steps up to take the penalty..."
*cut to tv ad.*
"Does searching for car insurance drive you crazy?!..."

 

[Melvil]

Pink cards handed out to divers and a public apology broadcast from the ref's mike over the PA system in the stadium. Not sure it would liven things up but it would make me happy!

 

[col]

I think the point that they must come from the teams town is a good one,or really it isnt the team is it?On a fun note,each side has a number of people lined up on the side lines at opposite sides,and every time a player from the other team has the ball,they can throw tennis balls at them to put them off

 

[Aperitif]

Sin bin the angry, foul mouthed overpaid tossers. Fine them £1000 a minute and make 'offenders' listen to 'I wandered lonely as a cloud...' etc whilst serving their ten minutes. Zero contact with the game in this time.
Big screen broadcast of the 'electronic stocks' could be available on national TV - complete with player mutterings...Walls of the sin bin would be padded (with £50 notes)

Goalposts which adjusted automatically following the number of passes that players from the opposing team string together might work also. A dozen passes and the target is suddenly 50% bigger - enough incentive to have a shot. The goal would also start to widen if any players guarding that goal walked anywhere - jogging would be a minimum requirement.

 

[col]

The team's country would be a good start.

Good point,it seems its who can afford the most gets the best now doesnt it?Nothing to do with where your from.

 

[byegad]

For me he main fault is low scores. Watch a Rugby match, either code, and there are scoring opportunities all of the time. Yes there is more than one way to rack up the points in Rugby but 90 minutes with a possibility a no score draw???????? Do away with the offside rule and make he goal mouth wider?????? Until something changes the only time I'll watch it is when my wife is watching and I've got nothing to do. That's once last season and once too much for me.

 

[Night Train]

Integrate football with the three legged race.
Players must be in pairs with their shoelaces tied together and they can only kick the ball with their joint legs.

When I was at school the footpall pitch in the playground was on a slope of about 1:10. Very few goals were scored up hill. Maybe pitches could be set on a half pipe layout with the goals at the high points and Arch's Golden Goal rule could then apply.

I think returning it to an amateur only sport would be best.

 

[papercorn2000]

If they stand on the lines, their mothers have their backs broken.

 

[Hover Fly]

Concealed trapdoors under parts of the pitch.

 

[gavintc]

For me he main fault is low scores. Watch a Rugby match, either code, and there are scoring opportunities all of the time. Yes there is more than one way to rack up the points in Rugby but 90 minutes with a possibility a no score draw???????? Do away with the offside rule and make he goal mouth wider?????? Until something changes the only time I'll watch it is when my wife is watching and I've got nothing to do. That's once last season and once too much for me.

I agree, too few goals and the game favours the defence rather than attack. Increasing the size of the goal - a great option.