Your funny/strange hospital experiences.

[Dave7]

I will start.
Some years ago I needed a double groin hernia op'. I was told.....have the 1st one then 12 weeks later have the other one done.
Being scared I asked for them to be done together (just get it over with).
My groin was on fire!!! On day 2 I fainted with the pain
Anyway.....on day 5 the Doc tells me I am going home. I said "what.....I cant even walk". He said "thats your own fault for having them done together".
So.....I hobble to the phone to arrange a lift (no mobiles then). When I hobble back (10 minutes later).....there is someone else in my bed and my clothes are on the floor.
I had to get dressed by the bed and that was it.....a mate came and helped me to his car.
Still makes me laugh and cry at the same time.

 

[RoubaixCube]

When i was a kid, probably about 4 or 5 i accidently fell over my thomas the tank engine set quite heavily and the plastic chimney on it somehow managed to pierce and enter the bottom of my foot and maybe even snapped off...

I was taken to A&E and had an operation to seal up the wound but It was all done while i was being held by my dad and I was kicking and screaming up a storm while i was poked with needles. Operations over, and they told my parents to keep me off my feet to let it heal but the moment I was placed down on a hospital bed i was out of it like greased lightning and looking for a way out with or without my parents. At that age i suffered heavily from ADHD so there was no way to stop me leaving unless they chained me to the bed or made me take some form of medication that would make me sleep. They did give me 'sweets' that I thought were exactly that. but when you're that young it doesn't really click. so i gobbled them down and carried on trying to escape from the hospital. I had a group of nurses that were chasing me down as I was running into different wards. but they managed to catch me eventually and handed me back to the arms of my parents who were then thrown out along with me because they couldn't keep me under control.... Mission Accomplished

 

[Rooster1]

I'm too embarrassed to tell mine but I know it was funny for the nurses!

 

[Markymark]

While vacuuming naked I once got very tired and took an quick nap with the hoover still running. At this time, my penis must have flopped into the vacuum hose and got wedged quite firmly in. It was so embarrassing when I went to A & E with it.

I just told them it was a sex accident else they'd never have believed me.

 

[Dave7]

I'm too embarrassed to tell mine but I know it was funny for the nurses!

Sorry but no excuses are accepted. You must tell all.
What I can promise is that I will not tell anyone else............honest.

 

[smutchin]

I'm too embarrassed to tell mine but I know it was funny for the nurses!

How long did it take them to remove the bottle?

 

[Mugshot]

I had a cyst behind my ear that become infected and I needed to have it sorted with an operation under general anaesthetic. Came to on the ward and waited for the doc to come round to let me out. On a couple of occasions I got up to have a general wander to find a magazine or something to while away the time and each time I walked from one end of the ward to the other I would get comments along the lines of "Nice hat mate!" from at least one of the other inmates. I treated these comments with the contempt that they deserved, I'd just had an operation behind my ear, my head was bandaged, what did these idiots expect? Much later in the day the doc showed up and I was carted off to a side room to have my wound redressed, it was there that with the benefit of a mirror I found that the surgeon had not only bandaged my head but had very thoughtfully tied a MASSIVE bow across my forehead to stop the dressing falling over my eyes

 

[swee'pea99]

Not that amusing, but after I had my operation I was visited by my missus and two then quite young daughters. I was told later that I was semi-coherent at best, and when I pressed the button for my latest morphine hit, my eyes rolled back into my skull, scaring the bejabers out of my poor girls.

 

[byegad]

As a lad I used to help my Uncle deliver flowers, he and his wife had a Florist shop. (In case you haven't guessed.)

One regular run was to the local General Hospital Morgue. IIRC it was a catholic thing to have flowers with the body from death to the funeral, certainly it was a religious group that seemed to do this.

Anyway, on this day I knocked on the Morgue door and got no answer, so I opened the door and called, 'Is there anyone here?' There were a number of trolleys with bodies on them, each covered by a large green sheet. Someone answered from the office at the far end of this large room asking what I wanted so I told the voice I had flowers for Mr Smith. 'Come on in' was the reply. Which I duly did, until half way across the room the sheet on the trolley I was passing suddenly moved and a naked arm flopped out. This 12 year old managed rather well in that, although it was a shock, I continued to the office, gave the cheery guy the flowers and walked, a little hurriedly, out of the Morgue.

After that I always asked them to come to the door.

My Uncle, who was a clever man, in that he drank himself to death weeks before the bone cancer he developed in his late 50s killed him, had a wry sense of humour. He often said during a winter cold snap that we should moss a few wreathes as the oldies will be dropping like flies!

He was a great bloke. Given his wife walked out leaving him with a 12 year old daughter and the business to look after, then came back out of the blue some 18 months later to reclaim the business, which she succeeded in doing, and her daughter, who flatly refused to leave her dad. He kept his sense of humour, making a success as a chauffeur for British Steel after the loss of the business and generally enjoyed his life.

 

[Salar]

As a child I was always at the local hospital and the R.V.I. (Royal Victorian Infirmary) in Newcastle. The nurses knew me by my first name.

Usually I was there with bangs on the head, such as being struck across the back of the head with a shovel (we played nice games then) skidding off my bike at the fish quay that nearly cracked my head open, that type of thing.

Anyway a few of us were at the local swimming baths and I had a verruca, protected by a plaster.

Soon the plaster was off and there was blood gushing from my big toe. I was yanked out by the pool attendant and marched off to the changing rooms leaving a long trail of blood and I got a right b#llocking.

The pool had to be emptied of people and I found out later it had to be drained as there was so much blood in the water.

Limping home half covered in blood it eventually stopped bleeding.

A few days later I'm booked into the R.V.I. to have this thing removed.

Up on the bed a doctor appears with a sharp knife and starts hacking it out, I was in agony, no local anaesthetic in them days.
I was screaming my head off, at the end of the torture the "doctor" showed me his handiwork, a huge hole in my big toe.

I'm now bandaged up and in a state of bewildered shock when my mother comes to collect me.

I said "Did you hear that little softie next door screaming and crying" She of course knew it was me.

 

[raleighnut]

When I first broke my femur one of the nurses on the ward was an old friend of mine that I hadn't seen since her Husband died about 8yrs previously.

 

[Venod]

Mines not funny but it occured after a hospital visit and nearly resulted in another one.

I have been taking the MIL for radiation treatment to Jimmies in Leeds, yesterday on the return journey I was in the outside lane on the dual carriage of the old A1 close to the Selby Fork Hotel, there was a car on the inside lane and coming towards me in my lane a Peugeot 205

I didn't panic but thought WTF do I do now, luckily she realised her mistake and veered right sharply on to the hard shoulder managing to miss both of us, it was a brown pants moment.

 

[Hop3y]

Dislocated my knee playing cricket (did it plenty of times).

Was in physio walking on a running machine, first time I'd had by pot off. Fainted on a steep incline and smashed my head on the tiled floor.

Admitted for two days, right at the end of the cricket world cup and got to watch the matches instead of going to school. Result.

 

[subaqua]

taking myself to A&E in february while it was snowing and ice on the ground and walking in in just a pair of shorts as I was so hot, getting to Triage desk to book self in and saying, I think I might be poorly as I feel so hot seeing the triage nurse grimace as I keeled over , then waking up a day or so later in an isolation ward as I had a horrible infection in a scratch wound on my neck. i still laugh at the thought of the triage nurses face as I keeled over

105 degree temp and not long till body was going to shut down ....

 

[cosmicbike]

I got taken in by ambulance in July 2013 blue lights and all, after 3 days in agony with my legs. They wanted to amputate them both at the knee...

Funny? I had to pee into those cardboard receptacles for 2 weeks whilst I was monitored. My kids decided they were elephants and did a great job of colouring them in. Made the rather painful job of standing up to 'go' that little bit easier, and took their minds off things when they came to see Dad.

FWIW I still have both legs, someone saw sense thankfully...