Your funny/strange hospital experiences.

[raleighnut]

After an unplanned dismount, I had to have my collar bone pinned. I'd also had some kind of seizure so was in hospital for a few days.
I was bored out of my mind, but luckily, I'd spotted a pub across the road. So on my second evening, I somehow managed to get dressed and dodging nurses, escaped to the boozer, hospital wrist tag thing still attached.
While I waited to order my very welcome pint, I noticed every single person in the queue at the bar were also sporting the same hospital tags!
I reckon the patients were keeping that place running.

Similar here in Leicester,



The big building behind the pub is Leicester Royal Infirmary

 

[screenman]

This is a heartfelt plea to hospital staff not to make assertions if you're not 100% sure of your ground.

I had carpal tunnel surgery on one wrist, involving local anaesthesia that numbed the entire hand and arm and was very unpleasant. In the recovery room I asked a nurse how long it would take for the anaesthetic to wear off. She said, 'Oh ... a couple of hours.' Eight hours later I still had a useless arm and hand that felt like a complete alien, and was seriously worried when I consulted Dr Internet and found that 'permanent paralysis' can very rarely occur. Shortly after I read that, I came across the information I should have been given in the first place - the numbness takes 8-10 hours to wear off.

Giving that a like because at some point I need both of mine doing.

 

[subaqua]

From 2008

Oooh be careful ....

 

[Drago]

[QUOTE 5126612, member: 76"]#2

Working on an acute psychiatric ward, and at the time I was near the peak of my running prowess (which was very very good btw) as I had not long left the Army. We admitted a semi-pro boxer who was also very fit. He absconded and ran up the drive, at which point we all gave chase. Being a racing snake I caught him quite easily, I grabbed him and looked around for back-up.

We were maybe 500m up the drive, he stopped and started hitting me, you can only imagine the feeling of seeing your 'back-up' panting their fag iduced wheezey way up the drive at least 425m behind you. That was a very long couple of minutes of holding on to a paranoid, psychotic, semi-pro boxer I can tell you [/QUOTE]

Oh, was that you @User76? Sorry about that matey.

 

[MikeG]

Batting in a first class cricket match I was hit on the eye by a ball from a quick bowler which leapt off a length. It was the only ball which mis-behaved all match. It opened up a gash around 3/4 of my eye socket, and after emergency treatment on the field I was carted off to hospital where a specialist stitched me up. 36 stitches. I got back to the ground, and lay down in the changing room with a headache, but we soon lost some wickets, and I went back out to bat. I couldn't keep wicket later in the day after we'd been bowled out because I'd got double vision, but felt sort-of OK enough to do it the following morning. Unfortunately, standing up to a spinner, a ball turned out of the rough, hit the inside of the batsman's pad, and flew up and hit me on the same eye.

So, I found myself back on the same hospital slab having the same eye stitched up by the same specialist at exactly the same time of day. He redid half a dozen stitches which had burst open, and did an extra 11 in my new cut. "See you tomorrow" were his parting words.....

 

[ColinJ]

I was in the A&E of my sister's local hospital waiting for emergency medical test results. I was listening to a couple of drunken young men explaining to each other how they had both ended up in there with broken legs. One had been involved in a football game in a pub car park and had been tackled rather too forcefully by one of his mates. The other explained that he had taken a shortcut when he was staggering home after his night out. Apparently it was easier to walk over a sports centre than round it! He had clambered up onto the roof and walked over it but then realised it was a 20 foot drop on the far side of the building. He turned round and walked back to where he had got onto the roof and lowered himself back onto the wall which he had climbed up from. Unfortunately, he lost his balance and fell off the wall. It wasn't that fall that broke the leg. He had fallen on the wrong side of the wall and ended up trapped in a locked yard beside the sports centre. He pushed a wheelie bin over to the wall and used that to climb back onto the wall but immediately fell over onto the far side of the wall, breaking his leg on landing. The pair of them had mangled legs but were clearly too drunk to feel much pain.

One of the drunks eventually turned to the person next to them and got into a chat with him. It turned out that this 3rd person was French, and also drunk! Drunken English lad had lived in France for a while but his spoken French was not very good. Drunken French lad had lived in England a while but his spoken English was not very good. They were having a ridiculous conversation using the wrong languages! English lad could understand French, and French lad could understand English but they hadn't sussed that they just needed to speak slowly in their own languages ...

I was admitted to the hospital and had a restless night. Next day, lots more tests were done which confirmed what I already knew (MORE damn blood clots!) and then the consultant did his rounds. Because of the woeful state of the NHS IT system, he was not able to access my medical records back in Yorkshire so I told him everything that he needed to know about my health problems. He asked me if I knew why I had clotted the first time round. I told him that I had been obese and had travelled a long distance wearing trousers that were way too tight for my fat legs. The seam at the top of the left leg had acted like a tourniquet and cut off the blood supply to the leg, causing a DVT which later broke up and became a near-fatal embolism when it lodged in my pulmonary artery. At that moment, I realised that the consultant was himself obese AND he was wearing over-tight trousers ... Our eyes met, he blinked, and muttered "Holy crap, I need to buy some bigger clothes!!!"

 

[Andrew_P]

Bear mind my queasy feeling in Hospital and a bit squeamish I do recall after 7/8 hours hard labour for my wife being called in to action by the midwife having studiously remained at the support area of the bed and literally started to pass out as I saw my first Daughters head popping out with every push and then back in when the contraction was over and witnessing the cut and then passing the scissors and witnessing the cutting of the umbilical cord that was around her neck. Stereo typical bloke I am afraid eight hours of agony for my wife and I am literally on my knees heaving at the end... I managed successfully in the others to stay at the support end of the bed....

 

[classic33]

From elsewhere on here, more the means of getting there.

Just wondering if anyone else has had, looking back on it, anything "odd" happen.

Me. Being carried out of Midnight Mass, by the local undertaker and staff. Then being loaded into the hearse, no ambulance.
Then driven to the nearest hospital, via a local doctors, who seemed a bit uneasy with the hearse pulling up outside his house.
Hospital none to keen on a hearse "unloading" at the main entrance, with the rear passenger walking in.

All told back to me later, which is how I know.

 

[Hardrock93]

Having been under observation for a few days, with a fractured femur, it was decided that the minor displacement did not require surgery, so I was taken down to the plaster room. One nurse did the hip to ankle plastering while the other's task was to keep my leg straight, stable and elevated. Much to my surprise, she achieved this by clamping my foot firmly against the centre of her chest. It was a very sensible and practical way to immobilise my leg, but for the rest of the procedure I was most concerned about the prospect of involuntary toe wiggling.

 

[subaqua]

Waiting outside theatre in a wheelchair, feeling a bit nervous, as I was having a vasectomy. Cheery porter pops his head round the door.
"Don't worry mate, they're just cleaning the bricks."

Later, when I'm on the table I get inquisitive halfway through the procedure and ask if they just snip the tubes. The Crool Nurse explains that they cut a bit if tube out and waves her finger under my nose with a piece if me on it for a closer look.
"Don't touch me" she warns "I'm sterile"
"And I soon will be" I reply.

Youngest sprog was elective C section ( the consultant Mrs Y elected wifey was too risky for natural) I was really interested in what was happening as the eldest was emergency C but as wife had had epidural entry done in later stages meant she was awake but I stayed at the talking end .
At youngests I kept looking over the barrier but stayed in the “ dirty zone” when son was pulled out I stood up and leaned across and was met with “ your not sterile” at which point wifey piped up “ of course he effing isn’t , that’s why I am here “

 

[vickster]

Before my spinal op back in the dark ages, I was put into traction. A new nurse on her first shift managed to drop one of the weights on her foot (or toe) breaking it. Despite not moving , I became infamous with all the staff seeming to take the blame (even though I was flat on my back and didn’t move, honest guvnor)

Oh and when I came round from the surgery after a day or two sedated, I was very thirsty, drank too much water too fast and threw up all over the nurse, wiping my nose on his tie

 

[Dave 123]

When I was about 17 I had a skin tag on the edge of one of my lower eye lids. It started to come in to vision.
I was booked into the Chester Royal Infirmary to have it removed. I had a local anaesthetic near my eye , then the Doctor removed tag with a soldering iron thing (mmmmm, burning flesh).
Once done I was sat up on the bed. The doc told me that the nurse would escort me back to a waiting area. She was very, very attractive. The idiot me needed to show boat. As I got off the bed she went to get hold of my arm.... I puffed my chest out, drew my shoulders back to maximum width and went to leave the room unassisted.

I missed the door, and clattered into the wall.

Meekly I let her hold my hand and take me to the room where the numbness subsided but the embarrassment grew.

 

[Richard A Thackeray]

(mmmmm, burning flesh).

On the occasions I have to go into the Theatres, it's easy to tell which ones are in use by the Ortho's
The smell of drilled/sawn Bone..........................

 

[Drago]

Apparently its not unheard of for patients to end up on the floor because the surgeon has been too enthusiastic with the wood working tools. At least, that's what the bloke that did the Meccano in my elbow told me.

Was he joshing, or is it true? To this day I'm not sure.

 

[MikeG]

[QUOTE 5126701, member: 76"]I was in an orthopaedic theatre once as a student nurse. The surgeon asked for the "Osteome and Malais" the scrub nursed passed him a thumping great chisel and a wooden mallet which he used to shave bits of the patients hip and stick in their broken shin with some glue or other................

Seriously, never go into an orthopaedic theatre if you have ever had an orthopaedic operation [/QUOTE]

My mother was a theatre sister, and tells the tale of someone coming in for some orthopaedic procedure or other, without proper records, and with dementia. On opening the offending limb up the surgeon discovered a bit of metal work left over from a previous operation (pin, plate..whatever........I can't remember the details). He realised that he would need some kit that he didn't have in theatre. Turns out, there wasn't one available in the hospital for some good reason, and so he sent someone off to B&Q to purchase a a new bit of battery powered woodworking equipment instead! Back they came with the new toy in a box, presumably it was sterilised, and he proceeded to drill or cut away with it and finish the operation.

Now, I accept that would have been a better story if I could remember the details......