Your Worst Date Stories

[Fab Foodie]

And how did you feel about doing that?

Worth filling-in the expense claim....

 

[Hill Wimp]

@Hill Wimp tells a story about a guy who took her out on a dinner date and paid on expenses....

That was atrocious.

He ended up moving in

 

[Hill Wimp]

And I heard that he's even willing to cycle 230 miles to get to see you

I can't get rid of him, no matter how far I dump him

 

[jefmcg]

OK, can't remember any toilet based horror stories, but I do remember going on a date with someone I had met and pashed** with at a drunken party. He turned out to be exceedingly dull, at one point talking about his shoes "they used to have white piping on them, but I pulled it off" I was making whimpering noises and wondering how to end the date - which was awkward, as he'd driven me to the restaurant.

At some point he asked me, and I am not paraphrasing here "How do you feel about premarital sex?" Well, I don't believe in "premarital" sex, because I don't believe in marriage. But I saw my chance. Drawing from a 1950s USA Catholic "Teen Guide to Dating" that I had acquired as part of an eclectic collection of advice for young women, I stood up and demanded he "take me home". I lived with my parents, so this was an unambiguous end of the date. He drove me home in silence, me faking a haughty distain for unsacrosancted carnal knowledge. Pity, because he had a banging body. You know the way most movie stars are shorter than they look on screen? Yeah, he was around 1.7 metres but perfectly proportioned. But not worth a post coital conversation about his shoes. Or the other topics I have mercifully forgotten.

**snogged

 

[jefmcg]

Friends of ours who've now been married for 12 years.
They were 3-4 dates in to the relationship. They went and parked in his then work underground car park.
She let him walk ahead, then she called his name, lifted her skirt, dropped her knickers and flashed herself at him.
His response.....
'Oh sh1t, there's cctv you know....'

There wasn't. He kept it going for the rest of the week.
She still gets reminded.

Nup, sorry, that's just creepy. How do you know this story if you weren't either of them. OK, if she tells it, then that's ok (I wouldn't share that story, but she totally can), but if he tells it, no, sorry, I am sad they are still together.

Oh, hate to write that! Please tell me it's her story.

 

[Accy cyclist]

I went on a date with a woman about 5 years older than me,when i was 20. We'd arranged to go to Blackpool the following Sunday. She only turned up with her 5 year old son. She didn't tell me she had a child. That wasn't such a problem but bringing one on the date was. She kept telling her son to call me daddy and kept hinting at me to buy him things,as i was "going to be his new daddy" I didn't fancy being a "daddy" at 20 years old,so i kept my hand in my pocket and didn't show any affection towards the child,hoping she'd take the hint. She did as she called me a tight git,on the way home,also saying she didn't want to see me again. That was a lucky escape!

 

[Cycleops]

Sounds like Ian Dury had some interesting dates:

View: https://youtu.be/Lu3PoWpI1BE

 

[Dave 123]

Nup, sorry, that's just creepy. How do you know this story if you weren't either of them. OK, if she tells it, then that's ok (I wouldn't share that story, but she totally can), but if he tells it, no, sorry, I am sad they are still together.

Oh, hate to write that! Please tell me it's her story.

WTF are you on about? I was told a funny story by both friends who were present at the time, who both thought it was funny enough to recount.
Then I saw a thread on this forum about 'dates', so I thought I'd tell the story without identifying anyone.

How do I know the story if I wasn't one of them? For all we know cyclechat could be 99% fabrication. Lighten up sweet cheeks.

 

[Paulus]

When I was a teenager I went on a date with a girl I chatted up, only for her best mate to turn up to meet me at the pictures instead. The original girl had got cold feet so her mate stepped in. We made the best of it and I saw her a few more times.

 

[User6179]

When I was a teenager I went on a date with a girl I chatted up, only for her best mate to turn up to meet me at the pictures instead. The original girl had got cold feet so her mate stepped in. We made the best of it and I saw her a few more times.

Is your name Gregory ?

 

[slowmotion]

I've just about managed to erase the wincingly awful, toe-curlingly graceless, painful, and embarrassing memories of my teens. I'm not dredging them up without you lot giving to a crowd-funded course of therapy with a seven figure target.

 

[rich p]

I've just about managed to erase the wincingly awful, toe-curlingly graceless, painful, and embarrassing memories of my teens. I'm not dredging them up without you lot giving to a crowd-funded course of therapy with a seven figure target.

Your secrets are safe Slomo.
Was one of them the Dutch bird?

 

[slowmotion]

Your secrets are safe Slomo.
Was one of them the Dutch bird?

I am happy to report that I had some rare, undeserved and unexpected success on that front.



It was 45 years ago....

 

[Dave 123]

Not an actual date, but good enough to recount.

1987, the 17 year old me saunters into Woolworths to by some CD's, as I was cool and cutting edge. I made my selection and went to the counter. The girl serving was someone that I'd been a bit gooey over for a while, pretty, dark long hair, about my age.
I'd never have had the nerve to ask her out, but a funny joke would surely put me in good stead, surely....

I told the joke, but made the mistake of laughing, through my nose. The blob of snot sailed past her and landed on the floor. I beat a hasty, red faced retreat!

 

[dan_bo]

I'm not dredging them up without you lot giving to a crowd-funded course of therapy with a seven finger target.