Another bad joke thread…

[NormanD]

Never buy second hand .... there's no place to attach it too!

 

[Sh4rkyBloke]

So I work out from 3bm's reply - it is just the two of us in the word who watch it.

Best US sitcom ever! Silly and clever at the same time

Me Sir, I watch it too.

 

[guitarpete247]

What's green and stands in a corner?


A naughty frog.


What's green and has eight legs and yellow tarten trousers?















"Rupert the Snooker Table".


What's white and goes hip hippity hop through the bush of Australia?


























"Skippy the Bush-Kanger Fridge".

 

[ventoux50]

I'm a busy man, so I've started eating toilet paper. Not having to wipe saves me a lot of time in the mornings.

 

[ventoux50]

My wife's in a wheelchair and she asked if I'd take her to Lourdes.

I said, "No, we can't risk losing the free car and all the benefits."




I used to be in a band called 'Missing Cat'.
You probably saw our posters.

 

[crunch61]

So, this little boy asks his Dad,
"Where does poo come from, Daddy?"
His father gently explains how we eat food, all sorts of things happen to it in your tummy, then it comes out of your bottom as poo.
"Mmmmm, " the little boy says, "so where does Tigger come from?"

 

[surfdude]

wife gets naked & ask her husband"what turns you on more ,my blue eyes , my lush red lips... my pretty face , my large breasts , my long legs , my tight little bottom , or my p****. hubby looks her up and down and says its your sense of humour .

 

[BlueDog]

I will never forget what my dear old Grandad said to me just before he kicked the bucket.

He said, "Grandson... how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

 

[PaulB]

I will never forget what my dear old Grandad said to me just before he kicked the bucket.

He said, "Grandson... how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

Hey, I posted that on page 2!

Anyway, this Ed Miler Band that's all over the news. What sort of music do they play?

 

[thomas]

Paddy goes into a Pizza Shop and orders a pizza...10 minutes later they ask him if he would like it in 6 or 8 slices. Paddy replies "You better make it 6 - I couldn't eat 8!"

 

[surfdude]

my wife was stood in front of the mirror and said my hairs gone grey , my boobs have dropped ,my tummy is saging , my bum looks like a prune and i ve the m1 running down my legs , please say something nice about my body . i said theres nothing wrong with your eyesight .

 

[ComedyPilot]

Mary has a little skirt, it was split right up the sides, every time Mary walked the boys could see her thighs.

Mary has another skirt, t'was split right up the front,.............Mary didn't wear that one very often.

 

[EssexRider]

I was recently on Safari in the Serengeti and witnessed two male lions shagging each other.

I thought, "**** me, have they got no pride?"

 

[661-Pete]

What changes from green to red at the press of a button?


Kermit in a blender.

 

[ufkacbln]

Mary had a little lamb,
Her Father shot it dead,
.. and now she takes it to her school
'tween two lumps of bread

Mary had a little lamb
She kept it in a bucket
Her father used to take it out
.. and then he used to......put it back again