Any good jokes ... ?

[Dayvo]

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

Took my new girlfriend out to a restaurant last night, at the end of the evening I asked the waiter for the bill.
My girlfriend said, "Go Dutch."
I said, "Mag ik dan de rekening alstublieft?"

No way I'm not using that

although I'm not sure how the opportunity will crop up as I'm married

but anyway

 

[Rezillo]

View attachment 574399

Worse can happen........

On a very hot day and after a long walk, I bought an ice cream at Porthleven and ordered a clotted cream topping. The assistant gave me the rest of what was in the clotted cream box, which turned out to be a very large amount. Almost drooling in anticipation, I had barely got beyond the shop door with my mountain of cream and was about to get to grips with it when it slid off the ice cream as one big lump and fell in the road. I was absolutely gutted.

I am fated....a couple of years before, I was at St Ives with another clotted cream ice cream. I was about to take my first bite when a seagull flew over my shoulder from behind me, deftly plucked the cornet from my hand and flew off over the sea with the ice cream perfectly balanced, cream intact. I had to admire the dexterity. This was probably karma as the previous year I had laughed at someone who had offered a small piece of sandwich to a seagull while holding the rest of it away behind him. Yes, another seagull nabbed the whole sandwich without the owner even seeing it happen - he just brought his empty hand back round and stared at it.

 

[PeteXXX]

 

[betty swollocks]

A bishop, a priest and a rabbit walk into the hospital to donate blood.
“What’s your blood group?” asks the nurse.
“I think I’m a type O,” replies the rabbit.

 

[Cavalol]

What a load of nonsense those recipes are. I set the oven to 180 degrees and now I can't open the door.

 

[Cavalol]

Leo Sayer once told me I look like Sam from Cheers. He made me feel like Danson.

 

[Cavalol]

My dad used to say "Whatever you are doing, always give 100%". He'd still be with us if he hadn't become a blood donor.

 

[Tenkaykev]

 

[Oldhippy]

Crap beach. 😁

 

[Domus]

Not much atmosphere.

 

[Dayvo]

Not much atmosphere.

Just to ruin your weekends with a huge earworm. 😳

View: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6QEkUINpAsg

 

[PaulB]

View attachment 574668

All they need now they've found water on Mars is some alcohol. Then we can have the first Mars bar.

 

[Arjimlad]

Just to ruin your weekends with a huge earworm. 😳

View: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6QEkUINpAsg

Nope. Begone

 

[Domus]

NOT clicking on that