Any good jokes ... ?

[tyred]

 

[Cavalol]

 

[cisamcgu]

OLD TRAFFORD DONKEY SANCTUARY (Est. 1893.)

From as little as £750 a year, you too can sponsor a helpless donkey. Like HARRY bought from Leicester for £80m, where his cruel Thai owners were forcing him to perform as a 'footballer' for as much as 90 minutes in the blazing sun, in front of a baying crowd. Or CRISTIANO, brought here at enormous expense because no one else wanted him. No one knows exactly how old Cristiano is, but he's certainly a veteran as he can scarcely move and is useless for any work. His food, vet bills and treats cost us over £500k a week. Or perhaps little LUKE or 'Fatty' as he is known to his fans. Luke has had such traumas that he's a compulsive eater, and often eats as many as 10 large sacks of carrots a day.

Of course, you don't need to choose Harry, Cristiano or Luke. We have more than a dozen other donkeys some of them tragic cases. For example PHIL. Little Phil would have been put down anywhere else, as his vet bills are huge and he is rarely able to do any work. However, here at Old Trafford he is safe and can enjoy retirement with his friends.

We are open on alternate weekends and many Thursday nights. Why don't you come down and enjoy the sight of our donkeys running aimlessly about our large field in Trafford, near Manchester? We have several cafes and a big shop where you can buy an expansive range of donkey memorabilia. Remember, every penny goes towards the upkeep of our donkeys and enables us to bring in more hapless donkeys from around the world to our safe retirement home.

(Old Trafford Donkey Sanctuary, Registered Charity 16161616.)

Patron: Mr J. Glazer. Temporary Donkey Superintendent Mr E. ten Hag. Donkey Superintendent Emeritus, Sir Alex Ferguson.

Corporate Sponsors: FA Premier League, PGMOL, BBC, Daily Mail, Guardian, Mr Kok's Crispy Noodle Stall (Bangkok).

 

[newts]

 

[Cavalol]

 

[Chromatic]

OLD TRAFFORD DONKEY SANCTUARY (Est. 1893.)

From as little as £750 a year, you too can sponsor a helpless donkey. Like HARRY bought from Leicester for £80m, where his cruel Thai owners were forcing him to perform as a 'footballer' for as much as 90 minutes in the blazing sun, in front of a baying crowd. Or CRISTIANO, brought here at enormous expense because no one else wanted him. No one knows exactly how old Cristiano is, but he's certainly a veteran as he can scarcely move and is useless for any work. His food, vet bills and treats cost us over £500k a week. Or perhaps little LUKE or 'Fatty' as he is known to his fans. Luke has had such traumas that he's a compulsive eater, and often eats as many as 10 large sacks of carrots a day.

Of course, you don't need to choose Harry, Cristiano or Luke. We have more than a dozen other donkeys some of them tragic cases. For example PHIL. Little Phil would have been put down anywhere else, as his vet bills are huge and he is rarely able to do any work. However, here at Old Trafford he is safe and can enjoy retirement with his friends.

We are open on alternate weekends and many Thursday nights. Why don't you come down and enjoy the sight of our donkeys running aimlessly about our large field in Trafford, near Manchester? We have several cafes and a big shop where you can buy an expansive range of donkey memorabilia. Remember, every penny goes towards the upkeep of our donkeys and enables us to bring in more hapless donkeys from around the world to our safe retirement home.

(Old Trafford Donkey Sanctuary, Registered Charity 16161616.)

Patron: Mr J. Glazer. Temporary Donkey Superintendent Mr E. ten Hag. Donkey Superintendent Emeritus, Sir Alex Ferguson.

Corporate Sponsors: FA Premier League, PGMOL, BBC, Daily Mail, Guardian, Mr Kok's Crispy Noodle Stall (Bangkok).

My wife said she was going out for the night so I put the telly on to watch Man Utd. She came back unexpectedly early so I quickly put some porn on and whipped my pants off so as to avoid being caught in an embarrassing situation.

(Shamelessly nicked from another forum, not a football forum either)

 

[tyred]

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

A man runs home from work. The second he gets home he finds his wife of 20 years, takes her into the bedroom and throws her on the bed, and pulled some blankets over them.

The wife was shocked, he hadn't been this way since they were young!

Then the man then turns to her and says:

Spoiler

"Look! My new watch glows in the dark!"

 

[oldwheels]

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[mistyoptic]

 

[Toshiba Boy]

 

[PaulB]

I spent the whole morning building a time machine – that’s four hours of my life I’m definitely getting back.

 

[ClichéGuevara]

 

[tyred]