Any good jokes ... ?

Discussion in 'CycleChat Cafe' started by cisamcgu, 31 May 2011.

  1. Cavalol

    Cavalol Guru

    Location:
    Chester
    My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding.


    She was absolutely furious and said she’s never going to play scrabble with me ever again.
     
  2. MiK1138

    MiK1138 Veteran

    Location:
    Glasgow
    What do you call a man with no pets?

    Douglas
     
    Diogenes, Arjimlad and Oldbloke like this.
  3. fossala

    fossala Veteran

    Location:
    Cornwall
    Remove the "on her", it makes more sense.
     
  4. Why was Theresa May sacked as nativity manager? Because she couldn’t run a stable government.
     
    Spartak, Threevok, Chris S and 2 others like this.
  5. glasgowcyclist

    glasgowcyclist Charming but somewhat feckless

    Location:
    Scotland
    And what do you call a man with size 12 feet and no pets?

    Big Shuey Douglas.
     
    Threevok, Wixsteman and Oldbloke like this.
  6. doughnut

    doughnut Über Member

    What do you call a man with no arms and legs floating in the sea?


    Bob
     
    Threevok and Wixsteman like this.
  7. roadrash

    roadrash cycle chatterer

    Q.........whats black and white, and brown on top

    A...….A nun with a monk on
     
    glasgowcyclist likes this.
  8. Cavalol

    Cavalol Guru

    Location:
    Chester
    So excited about tonight's RNLI Xmas party.

    They really know how to push the boat out.
     
    Threevok and Oldbloke like this.
  9. Kempstonian

    Kempstonian Über Member

    Location:
    Bedford
    A lady bought a new Lexus. It cost a bundle. Two days later, she brought it back, complaining that the radio was not working.

    "Madam", said the sales manager, "the audio system in this car is completely automatic. All you need to do is tell it what you want to listen to, and you will hear exactly that!"

    She drives out, somewhat amazed and a little confused. She looked at the radio and said "Nelson".

    The radio responded, "Ricky or Willie?"

    Soon, she was speeding down the highway to the sounds of "On the Road Again."

    The lady was astounded. If she wanted Beethoven, that's what she got. If she wanted Nat King Cole, she got it.

    One day, at a traffic light, the light turned green, and she pulled out. Off to her right, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a small sports utility vehicle speeding toward her. She swerved, and narrowly missed a head-on collision.

    "A***HOLE", she shouted.

    And, from the radio..."Ladies and gentlemen, Lance Armstrong"
     
    Threevok likes this.
  10. LeetleGreyCells

    LeetleGreyCells Cycliste en formation

    What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

    Cliff.
     
  11. If we are doing what do you call a Man/Woman etc jokes.... here's the most surreal one you will read.... EVER


    What do call a man who has a bird of prey trained to sit on his right shoulder and a different species of the same on the left shoulder and vacuums up with lights switched off whilst listening to early 80's experimental electro-pop.....

    Don't normally do spoilers.... but I thought I'd let you try to work it out before you read the punchline


    Hawk Kestrel Man Hoovers in The Dark
     
    Last edited: 13 Dec 2018
  12. Threevok

    Threevok Four Sprung Pork Technik

    Location:
    South Wales
    :laugh::notworthy:
     
    simon the viking likes this.
  13. OP
    OP
    cisamcgu

    cisamcgu Guru

    Location:
    Merseyside-ish
    What do you call a golfer who cuts off one of his limbs and then purchases drugs to build his upper body strength ?


    Sever your arm off and buy a steroid :smile:
     
  14. OP
    OP
    cisamcgu

    cisamcgu Guru

    Location:
    Merseyside-ish
    What do you a small chocolate sweet that stands on a stage in front of a silent audience ?

    A Revel without applause !
     
    Wixsteman and Threevok like this.
  15. Threevok

    Threevok Four Sprung Pork Technik

    Location:
    South Wales
    No - this is the most surreal

    What's white with checked trousers and if it falls out of a tree it would kill you ?

    Rupert the Fridge
     
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice