Any good jokes ... ?

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Threevok

Growing old disgracefully
Location
South Wales
No - this is the most surreal

What's white with checked trousers and if it falls out of a tree it would kill you ?

Rupert the Fridge
 

Freds Dad

Veteran
Location
Gawsworth.
I’ve bought the wife an artificial leg for Christmas.

It’s not her main present just a stocking filler.
 

Nibor

Bewildered
Location
Accrington
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad
attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with
profanity. John
tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only
polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to
'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled
back. John shook the parrot and
the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up
his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then
suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the
freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and
said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.
I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully
intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in
his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly,
"May I ask what the turkey did?"
 

PaulB

Legendary Member
Location
Colne
What's got 99 legs and no teeth?

The front row of a Cliff Richard concert.
 
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