I tried it in a Scottish accent.
Try it in Caribean.
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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Try it in Caribean.
betty swollocks
large member
Threevok
Growing old disgracefully
- Location
- South Wales
What's the difference between a Trafalgar Square New Years' reveler and a MTBer ?
One mucks about on fountains...
One mucks about on fountains...
rikki
Legendary Member
- Location
- Limestone Coast, South Australia
What's the difference between a cavalry horse and a cart horse?
One darts into the fray ...
One darts into the fray ...
Dayvo
just passin' through
- Location
- 59° 50′ 5.55″ N, 10° 47′ 41.89″ E
A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.
The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.
The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement Agency
and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'.
'His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.'
The plane took off, and once it had levelled out, the Policeman said, 'Watch this.'
He told Sniffer to 'search'.
Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman's arm.
The Policeman said, 'Good boy', and he turned to the man and said, 'That woman is in possession of marijuana, I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.
'Wow, that's impressive,' replied the first man.
Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles.
The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat,
and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm.
The Policeman said, 'That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police.'
'I like it !' said his seat mate.
The Policeman then told Sniffer to 'search' again.
Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to $hit all over the place.
The first man was really disgusted by this behaviour and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the Policeman, 'What's going on?'
The Policeman nervously replied, 'He's just found a bomb.'
The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.
The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement Agency
and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'.
'His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.'
The plane took off, and once it had levelled out, the Policeman said, 'Watch this.'
He told Sniffer to 'search'.
Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman's arm.
The Policeman said, 'Good boy', and he turned to the man and said, 'That woman is in possession of marijuana, I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.
'Wow, that's impressive,' replied the first man.
Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles.
The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat,
and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm.
The Policeman said, 'That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police.'
'I like it !' said his seat mate.
The Policeman then told Sniffer to 'search' again.
Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to $hit all over the place.
The first man was really disgusted by this behaviour and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the Policeman, 'What's going on?'
The Policeman nervously replied, 'He's just found a bomb.'
Donald Trump has finished a late meeting with the House leadership who still refuse to fund his wall.
Frustrated, he decides to go for a walk while he works out how to deal with the problem
He walks to the Washington monument. He looks at it and says “what would you do, George? “a ghostly voice says”go to the Congress and ask for a separate bill for the wall so the government can operate “. Trump shakes his head, “the senate would pass it but not the house, so I can't do that. “
Then he walks to the Jefferson memorial. He asks the same question. Jefferson ‘s ghost says ”ignore Congress, go to the people, they have the power to demand funding for the wall.” Trump shakes his head. “I can't do that, they voted this house in, and I didn't even win by the popular vote, only by the electoral college.”
Depressed, fed up and despairing he arrives at the Lincoln memorial. Before he can ask the question, Lincoln stands up and points to the Kennedy Center “go to the theatre!!!!! “
Frustrated, he decides to go for a walk while he works out how to deal with the problem
He walks to the Washington monument. He looks at it and says “what would you do, George? “a ghostly voice says”go to the Congress and ask for a separate bill for the wall so the government can operate “. Trump shakes his head, “the senate would pass it but not the house, so I can't do that. “
Then he walks to the Jefferson memorial. He asks the same question. Jefferson ‘s ghost says ”ignore Congress, go to the people, they have the power to demand funding for the wall.” Trump shakes his head. “I can't do that, they voted this house in, and I didn't even win by the popular vote, only by the electoral college.”
Depressed, fed up and despairing he arrives at the Lincoln memorial. Before he can ask the question, Lincoln stands up and points to the Kennedy Center “go to the theatre!!!!! “
Dayvo
just passin' through
- Location
- 59° 50′ 5.55″ N, 10° 47′ 41.89″ E
Dayvo
just passin' through
- Location
- 59° 50′ 5.55″ N, 10° 47′ 41.89″ E
If I live to be a hundred I'll never understand women.
The missus isn't speaking to me because I agreed with her.
We were watching tv...This woman was on there in a bikini stunning looking etc etc, She said, "I wished I looked like that."
I said, "Yeah me too"
The missus isn't speaking to me because I agreed with her.
We were watching tv...This woman was on there in a bikini stunning looking etc etc, She said, "I wished I looked like that."
I said, "Yeah me too"
Dayvo
just passin' through
- Location
- 59° 50′ 5.55″ N, 10° 47′ 41.89″ E
