Any good jokes ... ?

Discussion in 'CycleChat Cafe' started by cisamcgu, 31 May 2011.

  1. betty swollocks

    betty swollocks large member

  2. PaulB

    PaulB Guru

    Location:
    Colne
    I wondered why I had such a bad reaction after eating rice but my doctor's just diagnosed that I am basmatic.
     
  3. Cavalol

    Cavalol Veteran

    Location:
    Chester
    What's the difference between a street trader and a dachsund ? A street vendor bawls out his wares on the street...
     
    slowwww, Dayvo, Dave7 and 4 others like this.
  4. Threevok

    Threevok Purveyor of Quality Meets

    Location:
    South Wales
    What's the difference between a Trafalgar Square New Years' reveler and a MTBer ?

    One mucks about on fountains...
     
  5. rikki

    rikki Veteran

    What's the difference between a cavalry horse and a cart horse?

    One darts into the fray ...
     
  6. Dayvo

    Dayvo Just passin' through

    Location:
    oSLo
    A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.

    The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.

    The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement Agency

    and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'.

    'His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.'

    The plane took off, and once it had levelled out, the Policeman said, 'Watch this.'

    He told Sniffer to 'search'.

    Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman's arm.

    The Policeman said, 'Good boy', and he turned to the man and said, 'That woman is in possession of marijuana, I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.

    'Wow, that's impressive,' replied the first man.

    Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles.

    The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat,

    and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm.

    The Policeman said, 'That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police.'

    'I like it !' said his seat mate.

    The Policeman then told Sniffer to 'search' again.

    Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to $hit all over the place.

    The first man was really disgusted by this behaviour and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the Policeman, 'What's going on?'

    The Policeman nervously replied, 'He's just found a bomb.'
     
    Gary E, Toshiba Boy, Bazzer and 12 others like this.
  7. morrisman

    morrisman Veteran

    Doctor, how long do I have to live?
    Ten.
    Ten what, ten years?
    Nine.
     
  8. bruce1530

    bruce1530 Über Member

    Location:
    Ayrshire
    What’s the difference between a cosmetic surgeon and a schools inspector?

    One tucks up features, and the other...,
     
    rikki, Cavalol, Oldbloke and 2 others like this.
  9. PaulB

    PaulB Guru

    Location:
    Colne
    Traffic.jpg
     
  10. colly

    colly Re member eR

    Location:
    Leeds
    Last night my wife and l watched 3 films back to back.
    Luckily, l was the one facing the telly.
     
    Markymark, Eddy, swee'pea99 and 3 others like this.
  11. PK99

    PK99 Guru

    Location:
    SW19
    Donald Trump has finished a late meeting with the House leadership who still refuse to fund his wall.
    Frustrated, he decides to go for a walk while he works out how to deal with the problem

    He walks to the Washington monument. He looks at it and says “what would you do, George? “a ghostly voice says”go to the Congress and ask for a separate bill for the wall so the government can operate “. Trump shakes his head, “the senate would pass it but not the house, so I can't do that. “

    Then he walks to the Jefferson memorial. He asks the same question. Jefferson ‘s ghost says ”ignore Congress, go to the people, they have the power to demand funding for the wall.” Trump shakes his head. “I can't do that, they voted this house in, and I didn't even win by the popular vote, only by the electoral college.”

    Depressed, fed up and despairing he arrives at the Lincoln memorial. Before he can ask the question, Lincoln stands up and points to the Kennedy Center “go to the theatre!!!!! “
     
    Toshiba Boy, Arjimlad and raleighnut like this.
  12. Dayvo

    Dayvo Just passin' through

    Location:
    oSLo
  13. Dayvo

    Dayvo Just passin' through

    Location:
    oSLo
    If I live to be a hundred I'll never understand women.

    The missus isn't speaking to me because I agreed with her.
    We were watching tv...This woman was on there in a bikini stunning looking etc etc, She said, "I wished I looked like that."
    I said, "Yeah me too"
     
    Oldbloke, Arjimlad, Cavalol and 4 others like this.
  14. Dayvo

    Dayvo Just passin' through

    Location:
    oSLo
  15. Cavalol

    Cavalol Veteran

    Location:
    Chester
    New Year resolution going well, no chocolate. Not even thinking about it. Not even in my vocadbury.
     
    Mr Celine, Chris S, rikki and 9 others like this.
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