Any good jokes ... ?

morrisman

Veteran
We have no land to call our own
But surely that don't matter.
Use someone else's
Don't get caught
Just plough the fields and scatter.
 

CharlesF

Guru
Location
Glasgow
Genie: What is your final wish?


Boy: I wish I were you.


Genue: weurd but alrught.
 

Slioch

Guru
Location
York
Little Johnny and his dad are going for a walk in the countryside. As they pass by the railway a train comes along, and Johnny excitedly says "Daddy, look....choo choo".

Daddy says "Now Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you. You're nearly 7 years old and you must start using the grown up names for things. It's not a choo choo, it's a train".

A bit later on they pass a field of cows, and Johnny says "Daddy look.....moo moos".

Daddy patiently says "Now Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you. You're nearly 7 years old and you must start using the grown up names for things. They're not moo moos, they're cows".

At bed time daddy comes into little Johnny's room to tuck him in and read him a bed time story. "Now Johnny, what story would you like tonight?".

Johnny looks thoughtful and thinks for a while, then replies "Winnie The Sh*t".
 

Smokin Joe

Legendary Member
A massive bloke gets on a train, 6'3", shaved head and built like a brick outhouse. He sits at a table seat opposite a pale skinny little fellow about 5'6".


After a while he says to the little guy, "H-h-h-have you g-g-got the t-t-t-time please?"

The little guy stares straight ahead and ignores him.

So again he says, "T-t-t-the time p-p-p-please, can you t-t-t-t-tell me?"

The little guy looks down at his feet and says nothing.

So one more time the big fella says, "I-I-I need to k-k-k-know the t-t-t-time, c-c-c-can you t-t-t-tell me?"

The little guy looks up at the ceiling and says nothing.

The man in the opposite aisle who has been watching this leans across and says, "It's 10 to 5 my man". So the big guy thanks him profusely and gets off at the next stop. After he's gone he leans across to the little fella and says, "That was a bit rude, wasn't it? The poor man only wanted to know the time and you just ignored him."

The little fella looks across and says, "D-d-d-do you think I wanted t-t-t-to get my f-f-f-f-fecking head k-k-kicked in"?
 
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