LeetleGreyCells
Un rouleur infatigable
- Location
- Whitehaven Mansions
🤢
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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Smokin Joe
Legendary Member
- Location
- Bare headed cyclist, Smoker
betty swollocks
large member
Chris S
Legendary Member
- Location
- Birmingham
Andy_R
Hard of hearing..I said Herd of Herring..oh FFS..
- Location
- County Durham
A woman was at her hairdressers getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking BA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"BA?" exclaimed the hairdresser.. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome 's Tiber River called Teste."
"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Good luck on this lousy trip of yours, you're going to need it... "
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome
"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of BA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a ÂŁ5 million remodelling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I bet you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me"
"Oh, really! What'd he say?"
He said: "Who the ****did your hair?"
"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking BA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"BA?" exclaimed the hairdresser.. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome 's Tiber River called Teste."
"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Good luck on this lousy trip of yours, you're going to need it... "
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome
"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of BA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a ÂŁ5 million remodelling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I bet you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me"
"Oh, really! What'd he say?"
He said: "Who the ****did your hair?"
ClichéGuevara
Legendary Member
- Location
- Kingston upon the River Hull
simon the viking
Guru
love that... knicked for facebook
GM
Legendary Member
- Location
- North of the river
A young man walks onto the stage of Stars in their Eyes, on crutches, with a plaster cast from his feet to his hips.
Matthew Kelly Introduces him as Simon.
'It's very brave of you to come out here,' says Matthew.
'Please tell the audience what happened?'
'Well' replies Simon 'about a year ago, I was driving with my uncle when we had a really bad accident. Unfortunately my uncle was killed outright but I survived. I was trapped in the car for six hours before I was eventually cut free.'
'The doctors had me in surgery for 12 hours but they couldn't save my legs.'
'That's terrible. But I see you have legs now. Are they artificial?' asks Matthew.
'No Matthew, while I was in hospital the doctors informed me that my uncle had in fact died, but that his legs were fine and with all the advances in medical science, they could graft the bottom half of his body onto mine.
As you can see the operation was successful. I have been having physio-therapy for six months and hope to be walking fully again by the end of the year.'
A huge round of applause erupts from the audience.
Kelly responds with: 'That's an unbelievable story.
So tonight, who are you going to be?'
'Tonight, Matthew, I am going to be
Simon and Halfuncle'..
Matthew Kelly Introduces him as Simon.
'It's very brave of you to come out here,' says Matthew.
'Please tell the audience what happened?'
'Well' replies Simon 'about a year ago, I was driving with my uncle when we had a really bad accident. Unfortunately my uncle was killed outright but I survived. I was trapped in the car for six hours before I was eventually cut free.'
'The doctors had me in surgery for 12 hours but they couldn't save my legs.'
'That's terrible. But I see you have legs now. Are they artificial?' asks Matthew.
'No Matthew, while I was in hospital the doctors informed me that my uncle had in fact died, but that his legs were fine and with all the advances in medical science, they could graft the bottom half of his body onto mine.
As you can see the operation was successful. I have been having physio-therapy for six months and hope to be walking fully again by the end of the year.'
A huge round of applause erupts from the audience.
Kelly responds with: 'That's an unbelievable story.
So tonight, who are you going to be?'
'Tonight, Matthew, I am going to be
Simon and Halfuncle'..
