Any good jokes ... ?

Page may contain affiliate links. Please see terms for details.

Smokin Joe

Legendary Member
A couple of Jehovah's Witnesses called round yesterday. I normally send them away, but I was home on my own and bored so I invited them in just to pass the time.

They came in and sat in the living room looking embarrassed and just glancing at each other nervously. So I said, "Well, what have you got to say?"

One replied, "We don't know, we've never got this far before".
 
U

User6179

Guest
I woke up bitchy early this morning.

Sometimes I let her lie in.
 

Threevok

Growing old disgracefully
A couple of Jehovah's Witnesses called round yesterday. I normally send them away, but I was home on my own and bored so I invited them in just to pass the time.

They came in and sat in the living room looking embarrassed and just glancing at each other nervously. So I said, "Well, what have you got to say?"

One replied, "We don't know, we've never got this far before".

Reminds me of the OTT sketch


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7c6_uxLOVk

There was also another in Alexia Sayle's own show, where he answers the door dressed as Joseph. Can't find it though
 
  • Like
Reactions: gbb

guitarpete247

Just about surviving
The top 15 funniest jokes from the Fringe
1. "I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change" - Ken Cheng
2. "Trump's nothing like Hitler. There's no way he could write a book" - Frankie Boyle
3. "I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?" - Alexei Sayle
4. "I'm looking for the girl next door type. I'm just gonna keep moving house till I find her" - Lew Fitz
5. "I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated" - Andy Field
6. "Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant" - Mark Simmons
7. "I'm rubbish with names. It's not my fault, it's a condition. There's a name for it..." - Jimeoin
8. "I have two boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house" - Ed Byrne
9. "I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine" - Olaf Falafel
10. "Whenever someone says, 'I don't believe in coincidences.' I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!"' - Alasdair Beckett-King
11. "A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men's singles event" - Angela Barnes
12. "As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer" - Adele Cliff
13. "For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don't want to do it" - Phil Wang
14. "I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark" - Adam Hess
15. "I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act" - Tim Vine
Knicked from BBC news website.
 

betty swollocks

large member
My local corner shop is run by an Asian follower of Zen. He sold me a tub of spread and when I opened it, behold, there on the lid was the Messiah. Much as I felt blessed, I couldn't bring myself to use it, so I took it back for a replacement. The shopkeeper asked me to show him and his face dropped upon seeing the wondrous sight. He exclaimed, "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"
 
Last edited:

betty swollocks

large member
IMG_1392.JPG
 

further

Guru
  • Two Nuns were riding a tandem along Wapping Warf in Bristol. The Nun on the back seat (the stoker) remarked "I've never come this way before", the reply "Must be the cobble stones"
 

Threevok

Growing old disgracefully
Two Nuns in a bath - one says "Where's the soap?" to which the other replied "Yes, it does, doesn't it?"
 
Top Bottom