Any good jokes ... ?

[Dirk]

Can anyone us help of sort out the terrible condensation problems we're having in our new kitchen?
Come around anytime, the kettles always on.

 

[Cavalol]

renewed my car insurance over the phone today, and as I was about to hang up the woman on the other end asked if I had a pet.
I said, "Yes, I’ve got a dog."
She said, "Would you like to insure him too?"
I said, "No thanks, he can't drive"

 

[Cavalol]

Was playing scrabble again earlier and accidentally swallowed the letter O and the letter U.

I ran straight to the bathroom and nearly passed out.

 

[morrisman]

When the moon hits your knees
And you mispronounce trees
Sycamore!

 

[Cavalol]

 

[Cavalol]

My wife's been banging on for hours about wanting to adopt three moose, but all I hear is yak, yak, yak.

 

[Cavalol]

The only rapper to do house calls for sick squirrels is Dr Dre.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Burglars broke into my bathroom last night. Luckily they only took my broken scales. They won't get a weigh with it.

 

[Toshiba Boy]

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

There's a siege going on at the zoo. They've taken 3 ostriches.

 

[PeteXXX]

 

[Dayvo]

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Everyone in my neighbourhood wears woollen jumpers that are a size too small. We're a very tight-knit community.

 

[Dayvo]