A man goes to confession and asks the priest for forgiveness.
The priest asks him for some details and the man tells him that he has slept with a different woman every night for the last month with 2 each Sunday.
The priest tells him to say 5 hail Mary's and then to squeeze the juice from 5 lemons and drink in in one go.
Puzzled, the man asks "and will that absolve me"?
The priest tells him "no, but it will wipe that smile off your face".
A senior citizen is driving up the M6, when his phone rings. It was his wife ... "John, I've just heard on the news that there is a car on the M6, going the wrong way!"
John replied, "it's not just one car, there are hundreds of them!"
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