Any good jokes ... ?

[Cavalol]

 

[craigwend]

 

[Chris S]

 

[tyred]

 

[Chris S]

 

[Toshiba Boy]

I saw this boat in Padstow Harbour today, and did a double take when I looked at it's name, partially covered by the bouy rope.

 

[Dave7]

My Facebook page went 'down' last night.
I spent hours knocking on neighbours doors to shown them what I was having for tea.

 

[Dave7]

An atheist was in a small boat on Loch Ness when the monster rose up and grabbed him.
He shouts "please god, help me".
A voice from heaven shouts why should I help you, until one minute ago you didn't believe in me".
The man said "give me a break, one minute ago I didn't believe in the monster iether".

 

[Gwylan]

View attachment 789254

I saw this boat in Padstow Harbour today, and did a double take when I looked at it's name, partially covered by the bouy rope.

There used to be one there with a rude Welsh name.

Or it might have been Newlyn.....

 

[postman]

Mrs Murphy is shopping in Tescos when she meets Father Patrick.Mrs Murphy how are you doing.I married you and Michael only last year.Have you been blessed with any children yet.No Father despite trying,not yet.Well i am going the the Vatican next month i will light a fertility candle for you both.Well ten years later after coming home from her husband working in New York,she meets Father Patrick again.Mrs Murphy it is a very long time since i have seen you,how are you both,tired Father very tired both of us.Since you lit the fertility candle we have been blessed many times,two sets of twins and four more under the age of eight,oh Mrs Murphy what a blessing,can you and Mr Murphy come to dinner tomorrow just to catch up.Sorry Father Michael is in Rome at the Vatican actually,oh wonderful is he working there,no Father he is looking for that bloody fertility candle so he can blow it out.

 

[Webbo2]

Mrs Murphy is shopping in Tescos when she meets Father Patrick.Mrs Murphy how are you doing.I married you and Michael only last year.Have you been blessed with any children yet.No Father despite trying,not yet.Well i am going the the Vatican next month i will light a fertility candle for you both.Well ten years later after coming home from her husband working in New York,she meets Father Patrick again.Mrs Murphy it is a very long time since i have seen you,how are you both,tired Father very tired both of us.Since you lit the fertility candle we have been blessed many times,two sets of twins and four more under the age of eight,oh Mrs Murphy what a blessing,can you and Mr Murphy come to dinner tomorrow just to catch up.Sorry Father Michael is in Rome at the Vatican actually,oh wonderful is he working there,no Father he is looking for that bloody fertility candle so he can blow it out.

Your funny stories are great but if you tried using capital letters and punctuation. They might be a trifle easier to read.
This is from someone whose spelling is so bad that the spell checker doesn’t often recognIse my efforts.

 

[postman]

Your funny stories are great but if you tried using capital letters and punctuation. They might be a trifle easier to read.
This is from someone whose spelling is so bad that the spell checker doesn’t often recognIse my efforts.

It's the best i can do,i hated school.there was an occasion where the School Attendance officer was called my parents were threatened if my attendance did not improve.Hated school totally.Some right barsteward teachers at Allerton Grange Leeds 17,during the 60's.They will all be dead now so i might not get sued.

 

[Dave7]

Customer:- could I have a coffee please?

Manager:- my good man, this is a proper coffee shop, you will have to be ever so much more precise.

Customer:- OK could I have a coffee you arrogant, pretentious, toffee nosed git !!

 

[Webbo2]

It's the best i can do,i hated school.there was an occasion where the School Attendance officer was called my parents were threatened if my attendance did not improve.Hated school totally.Some right barsteward teachers at Allerton Grange Leeds 17,during the 60's.They will all be dead now so i might not get sued.

I also struggled with school despite passing my 11 plus and going to Leeds Modern school. But I couldn’t cope with the teachers so left and went to Moor Grange again issues with certain teachers. So I left at 15 to do an apprenticeship at Kirkstall Forge. Which I did finish to spend the next 10 years do any old job plus the dole to fund my rock climbing habit.
so I too use to post and type with out capitals but it isn’t that hard to to put your finger on the arrow before you hit the I button.
Mine seems to do it automatically now.

 

[craigwend]