Any good jokes ... ?

[markemark]

I'm putting all my money into stocks. I've bought a ton each of chicken, beef and vegetable cubes.

This time next year I'll be a boullionaire.

Yeah, all funded by the gravy train no doubt.

 

[Dave7]

So, paddy is in the Indian restaurant when the waiter says "curry ok".
Paddy says "alright, one song then feck off".

 

[Dave7]

I just read that an Irish keeper at Chester zoo was taken to hospital after the monkeys threw feces in his face
He was treated for turd degree burns.

 

[BigSid]

Fuel crisis solved.

 

[tyred]

 

[Alex321]

The institute of unfinished research has concluded that 6 out of 10 people

 

[Alex321]

 

[Dave7]

An elderly woman goes to the Doctors as she's lost her hearing in one ear. After checking with a pen light he gets the tweezers and pulls out a suppository which he shows to her.
She is surprised but says "well at least that explains why i cant find my hearing aid".

 

[Electric_Andy]

This joke works best with Welsh or broad Devonian accents:

Mrs: "Morning Doctor, I've come in because I'm having trouble with my 'ur'in"
Doctor: "Well, have you brought in a sample?"
Mrs: "Well I couldn't very well leave without them; tis this 'ur 'year I can't 'ure in"

 

[Toshiba Boy]

 

[Punkawallah]

Since he took his dove away?

 

[Regular.Cyclist]

My wife told me the cat needed to be chipped. Only had a 9 iron but still got it over the shed.

 

[tyred]

 

[Dave7]

A guy is sat at the bar drinking his beer with tears rolling down his cheeks.
The barman asks him what the problem is and he says "I had a row with my wife and she said she won't speak to me for a month".
The barman says "well that will give you both time to reflect".
The guy says "you dont understand.......today is the last day".

 

[Cavalol]

Not buying Evian water, I'm not stupid, it's 'naive' backwards. I buy the slightly cheaper Dratsabtfad instead, I think it's German.