Any good jokes ... ?

[Dave7]

Q. What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
A. One is heavy and the other is a little lighter.

 

[Dave7]

I got out of the shower and my wife said "look at the size of your belly, when was the last time you saw your pecker"?
I admitted its been a long time.
She said "you need to diet".
I said " why, what colour is it now"?.

 

[Dave7]

I got a really odd text message yesterday from someone i dont know.
It was some guy asking did i want to meet him in the woods and compare our d*ck sizes.
The weirdo didnt even turn up.

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

I got a really odd text message yesterday from someone i dont know.
It was some guy asking did i want to meet him in the woods and compare our d*ck sizes.
The weirdo didnt even turn up.

Mallard or Coot???

 

[Dave7]

Mallard or Coot???

I'll give you a clue, its not duck.

 

[markemark]

I'll give you a clue, its not duck.

 

[markemark]

?

 

[markemark]

?

 

[AndyRM]

 

[Dave7]

A wise old Chinese man once said to me "my son, when you understand why pizza is made round, put into a square box then cut into triangles ......only then will you understand women"

 

[tyred]

 

[fritz katzenjammer]

?
View attachment 810508

And now we know where boats come from.

 

[Dave7]

The differencence between me and superman is that he had super vision whereas I need supervision.

 

[tyred]

My problem-solving skills are okay, but my problem-causing skills are exceptional.

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

Yup - Basically you are like me

lots of experience of solving problems because you cause them and then have to fix them


When I worked in a big company there was a bloke in the same area as me
everyone thought he was amazing and great at fixing things when they went wrong

well - he was - most often the things went wrong because of what he did a few days ago and "fixed" without telling anyone what he did

then looked good fixing the fix again

ad eventually a lad I knew quite well found out what he had done and fixed it properly

the first lad got promoted and promoted due his great image
and ended up as in charge of a whole are of the company

funny thing was that when he got to that level he was actually pretty good at it

partly because he was able to spot people who caused more problems than they solved
i.e. people like he used to be!!!