Best tried just the once

[Oldbloke]

Running down the driveway and into my garage to do a flying kick on a suspended punchbag, showing off off to my son and his mates using it.

Failed to take into account the up and over door handle which cut a groove into my head as I crashed to the floor, whilst the kids were folded up with laughter.

 

[mythste]

I will not "probably be okay taking a few miles on that canal path" on my road bike with panniers.

Repeat.

 

[TheDoctor]

I suppose I could trot this out again...
Assembling a singlespeed after a glass or three of grapey alcoholic goodness, I put the chainset on.
I then put the back wheel in.
I then fitted the chain and got it to length.
While tensioning the chain by moving the back wheel, I noticed the unused rear mech hanger. On the other side of the bike.
I'd fitted the entire transmission on the wrong side.

 

[alecstilleyedye]

talking drive side pedal off with an allen key with the chain not on the outer chainring...

 

[Oldfentiger]

Sitting in a JCB. Bored. Waiting for the dumper to return so I could load it again.
Looking round the cab trying to find something to relieve the tedium.
Anything in my pockets?
Ah - a shotgun cartridge.
Out comes the penknife and sets about dissecting the cartridge.
Out first are the lead shot, followed by the wad.
Tips out the gunpowder in a nice little heap on the metal plate which is above the back wheel (old digger with most of the paint missing, so that'll be OK).
Put a flame to it and admire the pleasing little flare-up.
Whats left? The outer plastic casing and the cap.
Penknife out again and cut the plastic casing off which leaves the cap.
There's a tiny charge in there which sets of the gunpowder when the cap is struck.
Laid the cap down on the metal plate again.
Rummage around, finds a hammer and nail.
Tap, tap..........tap BANG!!!!!
Nearly blew me bloody hand off.
Couldn't hear for hours.

 

[Bollo]

Good. Goooood! Your collective idiocy feeds me!

All the bum related stores reminds me of my only other major act of cycling stupidity. In 2009 I did the Vatternrundan for my 40th birthday. It's not the hardest ride I've ever done but at 300km in a 12 hour stint it was the longest. Cut forward to the communal showers in a local school afterwards, and a tired and chaffed Bollo decides that his alcohol-based cleanser will be a suitable substitute for the shower gel he'd left in his tent. It felt like somebody had taken a flamethrower to my barse. I managed to keep it down to some gentle weeping. I think most of my fellow showerees just thought I was a bit emotional about finishing.

 

[tyred]

Other events have come to mind.

When removing square taper cranks there is absolutely no need to remove washer before using the extractor tool.
I suppose the front derailleur would work better if I actually ran the chain through the cage first.

 

[Flyboy]

Trying to get down with the kids and doing a double at Llandegla , ended up in hospital , positive side I won the best accident picture and got £100 worth of 661 pads.
The title of the picture they put up actually hurt worse it said
"Old Git that should know better)

 

[greekonabike]

Tried to get some grease out of an old grease gun and managed to get some of it on the (tiled) floor. I ended up doing an MJ slide out of the workshop.

GOAB

 

[Flyboy]

Tried to get some grease out of an old grease gun and managed to get some of it on the (tiled) floor. I ended up doing an MJ slide out of the workshop.
Backwards I hope ha ha
GOAB

 

[greekonabike]

Unfortunately not, I'd also just taken the white vinyl gloves off.

GOAB

 

[tyred]

My brother provided one of the best laughs I ever had years ago. He changed the oil in his car, old oil had been drained into an old basin and set to one side in the garage. A few hours later when he went to go somewhere in the car, he was wearing a brand new pair of expensive white trainers and stepped in the basin of old sump oil.

 

[Psycolist]

Grabbing for the packet of chips that are about to fall out of my jacket with the right hand, while signalling a turn with the left hand, resulting in a noise closely resembling the word SPLAT and a pile of flesh and metal laying in the gutter
OR
forgetting to retighten the stem bolt after a head set re grease resulting in face planting the neighbours fence

 

[jefmcg]

off topic, but to quote/paraphrase famous person (maybe GBS) "Try every thing at least once, except folk dancing and incest".

 

[Smokin Joe]

Over filling the oil on my car by about 1/2 litre. So I find a container just big enough to hold that amount and place it underneath while I undo the plug to let a little bit out. Ever tried to screw a sump plug back with hot oil running over your hand and up your arm?

Don't