Best tried just the once

Page may contain affiliate links. Please see terms for details.

Oldbloke

Guru
Location
Mayenne, France
Running down the driveway and into my garage to do a flying kick on a suspended punchbag, showing off off to my son and his mates using it.

Failed to take into account the up and over door handle which cut a groove into my head as I crashed to the floor, whilst the kids were folded up with laughter.
 

mythste

Veteran
Location
Manchester
I will not "probably be okay taking a few miles on that canal path" on my road bike with panniers.

Repeat.
 

TheDoctor

Noble and true, with a heart of steel
Moderator
Location
The TerrorVortex
I suppose I could trot this out again...
Assembling a singlespeed after a glass or three of grapey alcoholic goodness, I put the chainset on.
I then put the back wheel in.
I then fitted the chain and got it to length.
While tensioning the chain by moving the back wheel, I noticed the unused rear mech hanger. On the other side of the bike.
I'd fitted the entire transmission on the wrong side.

FFS.jpg
 

Oldfentiger

Veteran
Location
Pendle, Lancs
Sitting in a JCB. Bored. Waiting for the dumper to return so I could load it again.
Looking round the cab trying to find something to relieve the tedium.
Anything in my pockets?
Ah - a shotgun cartridge.
Out comes the penknife and sets about dissecting the cartridge.
Out first are the lead shot, followed by the wad.
Tips out the gunpowder in a nice little heap on the metal plate which is above the back wheel (old digger with most of the paint missing, so that'll be OK).
Put a flame to it and admire the pleasing little flare-up.
Whats left? The outer plastic casing and the cap.
Penknife out again and cut the plastic casing off which leaves the cap.
There's a tiny charge in there which sets of the gunpowder when the cap is struck.
Laid the cap down on the metal plate again.
Rummage around, finds a hammer and nail.
Tap, tap..........tap BANG!!!!!
Nearly blew me bloody hand off.
Couldn't hear for hours.
 
OP
OP
Bollo

Bollo

Failed Tech Bro
Location
Winch
Good. Goooood! Your collective idiocy feeds me!

All the bum related stores reminds me of my only other major act of cycling stupidity. In 2009 I did the Vatternrundan for my 40th birthday. It's not the hardest ride I've ever done but at 300km in a 12 hour stint it was the longest. Cut forward to the communal showers in a local school afterwards, and a tired and chaffed Bollo decides that his alcohol-based cleanser will be a suitable substitute for the shower gel he'd left in his tent. It felt like somebody had taken a flamethrower to my barse. I managed to keep it down to some gentle weeping. I think most of my fellow showerees just thought I was a bit emotional about finishing.
 

Flyboy

Well-Known Member
Location
Tranmere
Trying to get down with the kids and doing a double at Llandegla , ended up in hospital , positive side I won the best accident picture and got £100 worth of 661 pads.
The title of the picture they put up actually hurt worse it said
"Old Git that should know better)
 

greekonabike

President of the 'Democratic Republic' of GOAB
Location
Kent
Tried to get some grease out of an old grease gun and managed to get some of it on the (tiled) floor. I ended up doing an MJ slide out of the workshop.

GOAB
 

tyred

Legendary Member
Location
Ireland
My brother provided one of the best laughs I ever had years ago. He changed the oil in his car, old oil had been drained into an old basin and set to one side in the garage. A few hours later when he went to go somewhere in the car, he was wearing a brand new pair of expensive white trainers and stepped in the basin of old sump oil.:laugh:
 

Psycolist

NINJA BYKALIST
Location
North Essex
Grabbing for the packet of chips that are about to fall out of my jacket with the right hand, while signalling a turn with the left hand, resulting in a noise closely resembling the word SPLAT and a pile of flesh and metal laying in the gutter :excl:
OR
forgetting to retighten the stem bolt after a head set re grease resulting in face planting the neighbours fence :banghead:
 
Top Bottom