Christmas dinner-the truth

[raleighnut]

Christmas Dinner....
I have concluded that the inevitable stress of Christmas dinner is created by adverts, supermarkets and TV chefs...
It's a Sunday dinner for farks sake!!! We do it quite happily 51 weeks of the year but can we the consumers be trusted to manage by ourselves on one day of the year...apparently not!
Here goes...
1. Turkey... It's a big fecking chicken that's all, 20 minutes per lb plus 20 minutes at 180 degrees - jobs a good un! Get yourselves a meat thermometer £3 off the Internet poke it in the offending bird if it says 75 degrees or over its cooked!
2. Stuffing - regardless of what Jamie Oliver says you do NOT need 2lbs of shoulder of pork, onions breadcrumbs,pine nuts and a shoot load of fresh herbs to make stuffing....( no fecking wonder he's bankrupt if thats what he spends to make stuffing!)
What you need is Paxo and a kettle!! If you wanna liven it up squeeze 3 sausages out of their skins and mix that in with your Paxo before cooking 😉.
3. Gravy - Jamie Oliver is copping for this one aswell....
Bisto Jamie.... All you need is Bisto!
I ( nor any other woman I know) has got time on Christmas Eve to piss about roasting chicken wings and vegetables, adding stock and flour,cooking it for another half hour, mashing it all up with a potato masher and then straining the whole sorry mess to make gravy 😠😠😠
4. Vegetables... Never mind faffing round shredding sprouts and frying them with bacon and chestnuts to make them more palatable... If you don't like them don't buy and cook the fecking things!! If your family only eats frozen peas then that's good enough!
5. Roast potatoes... Yes I par boil mine then roast them in goose fat but Aunt Bessie also does the same 😉.
6. Trimmings /Christmas pudding and the like.... Aldi or Lidl!
(oh and while we're on the subject of pudding- if birds custard is what your family likes on the wretched thing then that's fine - you do not need brandy butter /rum sauce etc or anything else that costs a fecking fortune and takes 2 hours to make!)
7. Family....
Children.. Feed the little blighters first separately, if they only want turkey with tomato sauce - fine leave em to it, it doesn't matter. Once they are fed bugger them off to play with their Christmas presents so that YOU can enjoy your dinner in Peace!
Adults... Anyone that can manage to get their sorry arse to your dinner table is also capable of helping to serve up/ sort the kids out/ clear the table /wash up /dry up etc.
And Finally.....
NO ONE.... And I mean no one APART FROM THE COOK IS ALLOWED TO GET PISSED AND FALL ASLEEP BEFORE THE WASHING UP IS DONE!!!
Rant over 😂
Merry Christmas!
P.s. I pinched this from another page so feel free to copy and share 🤣🤣

Oi, some of us blokes do the cooking

NO ONE.... And I mean no one APART FROM THE COOK IS ALLOWED TO GET PISSED AND FALL ASLEEP BEFORE THE WASHING UP IS DONE!!!

I generally get pissed before I start cooking but the my 'guru'was Keith Floyd.

 

[BoldonLad]

Alternatively just eat at your in-laws and let your mother in law do all the work

We do a variation on that. We go to one of the offspring.

 

[guitarpete247]

We'll be looking for somewhere decent in Nice this year. In the old town there seems to be quite a few places going to be open.

 

[johnnyb47]

As miserable as it sounds i don't bother with Christmas anymore. I buy the relatives Children a present and that's it. For Christmas day i just eat like any other day and go about my business normally. Don't even bother with decorations either. I feel what's the point when you're by yourself.
Strangely though behaving like this really makes you wonder why people get so stressed out over it. It's for one day and seeing people panic buying and overflowing there shopping trollies with food that often gets thrown away boggles the mind.
I was in town today getting some bits and pieces and the look on some of the faces of shoppers was a picture. Stressed and panic ridden rushing around trying to get everything done.
There was a homeless guy huddled up on the street corner freezing cold, whilst all these panicking people just stepped over him like he didn't exist. Right or wrong i stopped and had a chat with him and told him I'll leave a tab of £5 in Greg's for him to buy some food (didn't want him wasting it on booze).
The true meaning of Christmas has long gone. It was once a religious celebration were giving was more important than receiving. Today its just a glut of commercialisation of overspending.
Christmas for me is to just enjoy a few days off work and see people i haven't seen in ages. (baaaa hum bug:=))

 

[EltonFrog]

My lunch on Christmas Day will be Chowder to start, Lamb burger with blue cheese and chunky chips, Christmas pudding with brandy sauce.

 

[johnnyb47]

That sounds nice Carl. Making me hungry reading that :=)

 

[SpokeyDokey]

Christmas Dinner....
I have concluded that the inevitable stress of Christmas dinner is created by adverts, supermarkets and TV chefs...
It's a Sunday dinner for farks sake!!! We do it quite happily 51 weeks of the year but can we the consumers be trusted to manage by ourselves on one day of the year...apparently not!
Here goes...
1. Turkey... It's a big fecking chicken that's all, 20 minutes per lb plus 20 minutes at 180 degrees - jobs a good un! Get yourselves a meat thermometer £3 off the Internet poke it in the offending bird if it says 75 degrees or over its cooked!
2. Stuffing - regardless of what Jamie Oliver says you do NOT need 2lbs of shoulder of pork, onions breadcrumbs,pine nuts and a shoot load of fresh herbs to make stuffing....( no fecking wonder he's bankrupt if thats what he spends to make stuffing!)
What you need is Paxo and a kettle!! If you wanna liven it up squeeze 3 sausages out of their skins and mix that in with your Paxo before cooking 😉.
3. Gravy - Jamie Oliver is copping for this one aswell....
Bisto Jamie.... All you need is Bisto!
I ( nor any other woman I know) has got time on Christmas Eve to piss about roasting chicken wings and vegetables, adding stock and flour,cooking it for another half hour, mashing it all up with a potato masher and then straining the whole sorry mess to make gravy 😠😠😠
4. Vegetables... Never mind faffing round shredding sprouts and frying them with bacon and chestnuts to make them more palatable... If you don't like them don't buy and cook the fecking things!! If your family only eats frozen peas then that's good enough!
5. Roast potatoes... Yes I par boil mine then roast them in goose fat but Aunt Bessie also does the same 😉.
6. Trimmings /Christmas pudding and the like.... Aldi or Lidl!
(oh and while we're on the subject of pudding- if birds custard is what your family likes on the wretched thing then that's fine - you do not need brandy butter /rum sauce etc or anything else that costs a fecking fortune and takes 2 hours to make!)
7. Family....
Children.. Feed the little blighters first separately, if they only want turkey with tomato sauce - fine leave em to it, it doesn't matter. Once they are fed bugger them off to play with their Christmas presents so that YOU can enjoy your dinner in Peace!
Adults... Anyone that can manage to get their sorry arse to your dinner table is also capable of helping to serve up/ sort the kids out/ clear the table /wash up /dry up etc.
And Finally.....
NO ONE.... And I mean no one APART FROM THE COOK IS ALLOWED TO GET PISSED AND FALL ASLEEP BEFORE THE WASHING UP IS DONE!!!
Rant over 😂
Merry Christmas!
P.s. I pinched this from another page so feel free to copy and share 🤣🤣

Good stuff!

We don't stress over Xmas dinner - one of our de-stressers is not to have any visitors at all. Our parents are all long gone and the kids live a few hundred miles away so that sort of makes things easy.

One of the lazy kids and his bone idle partner tried to invite themselves up for a week last year along with three teenage grandchildren with three days notice so they could have a nice doss of an Xmas - they got short shrift off of Lovely Wife who told them we were away on holiday.

Sounds harsh and un-Xmasy but we've done the slave parent routine years ago and don't want to do it anymore thank you.

 

[Beebo]

Christmas dinner is just a posh roast.
It’s easy to “bling up” a few dishes. Just don’t go over the top. Honey roast parsnips and bacon lardons with sprouts are very easy additions. Add some premium stuffing and some pigs in blankets and you are a winner.
I always cook dinner as it means I can avoid the in laws, who come every year. A few glasses of wine help.

 

[Mr Celine]

After millions of years of evolution and hundreds of years of scientific and technical advances in 1969 mankind built a space rocket that put men on the moon and brought them back again.

Fifty years later and some people can't even be bothered to make gravy.

 

[winjim]

Just getting the sprouts on.

 

[dodgy]

Enjoyable rant. But you lost me at number 3. I can never forgive you for that.

 

[newfhouse]

Just getting the sprouts on.
View attachment 497615

Marvellous. Had sprout risotto a couple of days ago.

 

[gbb]

It is just a Sunday dinner...but with so much more expectation for some reason.
We calculated ours out today, 11 people, circa £8 each, that's for the works, starters, main dinner, xmas pudding and a bit of wine.
The problem is once you've cookeed all that, dishing it up promptly and hot, that's where the art is.
Sunday dinners for 6 every weekend is the norm, doubling it is a bit of a feat in every way, preparation, cooking, plating up etc etc. Even the small stuff like finding worktop space for everything is a challenge.

 

[Racing roadkill]

I’m off out to a restaurant. Sod the effort involved in doing it myself.

 

[ozboz]

I went to Waitrose tonight and bought a nice Turkey, and Some other stuff for the dinner , we will get the rest of it tomorrow, I really like my Christmas dinner, we always had it as nippers and never missed going to my Mam and Dads until they. passed away , whilst in Australia , the tradition was carried on , my kids , all in there late 20’s and early thirties now all look forward to , and carry on this ‘ pommy ‘ tradition with their own families , now it’s just me and Ms Boz’, , a perfect time to reminisce,
Very special day for me ,