Christmas work do... hall of shame 2015

[Fnaar]

Just got back from my Christmas work do.
Nobody photocopied their a*rse, fondled in the stationery cupboard or made inappropriate comments (well, actually, I may have done, but...)

Any tales to tell?

 

[vernon]

My school's' Christmas dos used to be the stuff of legends but since we moved into a new building with departmental staff rooms with no whole staff meetings capacity coupled with a divide and conquer management mentality the esprit de corps has been destroyed and it's possible to bump into folk that you've never seen before and discovering that they've been working in the same building for eighteen months or more. Staff dos are now department or faculty focussed and I'm passing on tonight's departmental do as I'm sure that it will end in tears and/or a lynching of the head of department who is a total daffodil.

I am however eating out on Monday with 'The Gentlemens' Meat Club' from school, a cross curricular group, who dines out at least once per term and whose focus is on eating lots of meat, drinking lots of beer and having a total embargo on work based conversations. The absence of letching, groping and indiscretion opportunities does not detract from the enjoyment of evenings.

 

[Accy cyclist]

Being self employed and having no work mates i'd love to go to a works Christmas party and make a nobber of myself!

 

[FrankCrank]

....heh heh - miss those Xmas do's, but not the hangover.

Way back when I was doing my apprenticeship, at a small engineering workshop, we used to close for a few days for the festive season. On the morning of the last day before shutdown, we were each given a turkey and a bottle of sherry - all very Dickensian, and a great gesture from the management. Midday it was all down the local for a few pints of lunch. Can still remember trying to cycle home with the turkey and sherry dangling on the handlebars, trying my best to keep balance, and presenting the gifts to my parents.........happy days indeed

 

[ColinJ]

I stopped going to works Christmas parties after seeing several drunken women attempting to remove the boxer shorts of a (willing, equally drunken) male colleague without removing his jeans first. They finally realised they were not going to manage it without cheating. One of the women found a large pair of scissors and thrust the business end down the front of the guy's jeans ...

Fearing that an accidental vasectomy was about to take place, I fled to another room where I was 'entertained' by a drunken colleague's unsuccessful attempt to seduce an attractive female co-worker with a display of his projectile vomiting technique!

A manager once came to try and drag me off to the Christmas do. When my girlfriend answered the door she found him wearing a large cowboy hat and peeing on the front doorstep. He looked up at her and slurred "Ssssorry, thish ish not what it looks like." She told him that it looked like a tiny penis with wee coming out of it and he gave a nervous laugh, and admitted that she was right! He then tripped over and fell onto the lawn, wetting himself in the process. It was hard not to remind him of that incident at subsequent tense project meetings ....

 

[summerdays]

Mine will just be a team do next week, and it's lunch time so nothing too scandalous but it should be enjoyable once I work out where it is.

 

[Dave 123]

Many moons ago I worked in a garden centre in Devon. The owner was a p1ss head. There were 2 consecutive do's on a weekday lunch- 50% of staff one day, 50 the next. Of course the boss went on both.
The lad who worked in the patio section, we'll call him Barry as that was his name was totally bladdered very quickly. I can still remember him telling the waitresses how he'd like to bend them over and stick his turkey.... etc. This was my first christmas works do. Since then I've stayed boringly sober at all works parties.
The time to look like a drunken winker (and I have many times) is not in front of work mates and bosses.

 

[PaulB]

I like a drink but hate being out of control so much, I only ever have two (max equivalent of four units of alcohol) drinks over the course of such evenings. Along with any teetotalers amongst us, we are regarded as the most evil people in Christendom growing more evil the longer the night goes on. It gets more and more embarrassing as inhibitions are shrugged off and this tends to be worst amongst the people you'd least expect it from. I've been what would be considered sexually assaulted under different circumstances (she was a direct manager but well fit so I let that one go!) and physcally manhandled by the company's owner who demanded I have a 'serious' drink or she'd discipline me! There've been so many such incidents and it's illuminating to be sober at such events. You can't calculate the benefits of staying in control at these shindigs though. Mine's tonight btw!

 

[srw]

The hangover is better than I'd feared, given the mixture of drinks I had last night. Or maybe I'm still drunk. I'm still not sure why I got off a train going to my station and got on one going somewhere else, but fortunately a cab came very quickly to get me home.

 

[steve50]

I am now self employed so no work do for me, but I have come from some 30 years in the steel industry (wiredrawing) some of the christmas do's have been very memorable for all the wrong reasons. One which I personally did not attend was a coach trip to Lancashire (Accrington I believe) where it ended up a mass brawl between a party of the locals and the shower of idiots I had the pleasure of working with.
Being your typical macho type males working in what is considered a totally male environment and industry, Xmas parties were always considered the time to let off steam, even in more civilised venues i have seen bloody noses and extreme drunken behaviour. Like Paulb I too control how much I drank at those parties not wanting to make a show of myself.

 

[numbnuts]

I was asked why my name was not on the Christmas dinner list, I replied “ I have to work with you b........ but I don't have to socialise with you” it didn't go down very well

 

[Drago]

I've seen too many colleagues in disciplinary trouble for jolly japes at parties, so i steer well clear of such soirees.

 

[steve50]

I was asked why my name was not on the Christmas dinner list, I replied “ I have to work with you b........ but I don't have to socialise with you” it didn't go down very well

That was a favourite among my ex work colleagues

 

[awomaninsane]

Years ago when was a waitress at a hotel I worked many Christmas parties. I always loved watching everyone file in in all their finery, the women in their sky scraper heels looking down their noses at us lowly waiting staff. And then we'd watch them getting totally hammered, tripping over on the way to the loo, falling over on the dance floor or doing what they considered sexy moves (quite the opposite really!). Then we'd laugh to ourselves as the ladies pristine looks started to disappear as quickly as their make up was smudging all over their faces. The men doing their granddad dancing and trying to fondle the closest woman... Eeeee, the good old days!

 

[gavgav]

I must have worked in very sedate places as I've never seen any of this caper at our do's!