Comedy one liners that stick.

[simonali]

Seeing as how Father Ted has been mentioned, a couple of my faves are:

"These cows are small, those cows are far away" (Ted trying to teach Dougal about perspective)

"I don't believe it!" (Ted to Richard Wilson at the Really Dark Caves just before being beaten up by him)

 

[colly]

'I'm an English teacher not a homosexual'... Stephen Fry

Fry and Laurie...........Poetry Prize.


'Well may I ask what you were expecting to see out of a Torquay hotel bedroom window?........... The Sydney Opera House perhaps, The Hanging Gardens of Babylon, herds of wildebeast sweeping majestically past?'

'You can see the sea, it's over there between the land and the sky.'

Basil Fawlty.

 

[onb]

Billy Connolley to a Heckler


" Does yer mammy know you're out?"

 

[Sam Kennedy]

From black books:
"There's a message on the answering machine"
"No there's not"
"Why is the light blinking"
"It means... the machine needs more salt"

 

[Speicher]

Bertie Wooster to Jeeves - "Is that the telephone I can hear ringing?"

Jeeves "It gives every impression of being so."

 

[Crash]

The cleaner in work had a nasty habit of tipping the plastic and paper rubbish into the same skip despite being told not to on numerous occasions , so eventually they made him clean it out and separate the rubbish into different bins, after many hours he finished and they asked him had he learnt anything ? To which he replied...

" yeah never go to work on Wednesday "

Awesome reply which even brought a smile to the annoyed boss.