Comedy one liners that stick.

[Andy in Sig]

Here's a new variant of a "best of" theme: what comedy one liner do you remember simply because it somehow struck a chord? This does not mean that you have to think of a famous person or film etc. but more the line itself for its own sake. One that stuck with me (and I can remember neither the sitcom concerned nor the actor who said it) involved a bloke going into a doctor's/dentist's waiting room, looking bored for a minute or two and then picking up a mag from the pile on the table, leafing through it and remarking, "Oh, I see Mafeking's been relieved."

 

[ACS]

I'm Brian and SO is my wife.

 

[cisamcgu]

Baldrick: Morning, Mr. B.
Blackadder: Leave me alone, Baldrick. If I wanted to talk to a vegetable, I would have bought one at the market.

 

[red_tom]

Blackadder again.

I've got a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel.

 

[swee'pea99]

You have rats in Spain don't you? Or did Franco have 'em all shot?

 

[Maz]

Alan Partridge on escaping from Jed Maxwell, his No.1 psychotic fan

Jed: You won't be a stranger, will you, Alan? We'll go visit my brother and have a pint...
Alan: No way, yer big spastic, you're a mentalist!

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Partridge again:

Who invented the skip?

 

[Mr Pig]

Another from Life Of Brian

Brian: "You're all individuals"
Voice in the crowd: "I'm not"

 

[Mr Pig]

Dodgeball

Patches: "Come on, you look like a bunch of retards trying to f*** a doorknob"

 

[marinyork]

I've always liked "Blessed are the Cheesemakers."

 

[Amanda P]

Seen on a Waterstones carrier bag:

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read" - Groucho Marx.

 

[Dalestar]

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan

 

[goo_mason]

"I'm just off to see man... about a dog..... who........wants to go to the toilet." - the terminally confused Count Arthur Strong

 

[andylaw79]

Monkey Tennis?

 

[ACS]

My mum is a lolly-pop lady, long white body with a big sticky head - Harry Hill