I don't know what advice to give but I'd caution you to view the advice given carefully. It's all from people who've seperated and either not wanted to save their relationship, failed to do so or made the right choice for them. You need to make your own choice. Whatever happens I wish you well.
Divorce
- Thread starter Broughtonblue
- Start date
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OK, but please don't engage with her when she gets back, you might say something that will hurt you in the morning.
Geoff Crowther
"... travel far, not fast", Ted Simon
- Location
- Hayfield, High Peak
Hi there
Yes, I took anti-depressants for quite a long time and yes they did help a lot but that doesn't necessarily mean it's right for you my friend. Please see your GP as soon as you can manage. Be honest with him/her, just as you have on here, but this time it'll be with a professional, rather than all of us well-meaning amateurs. Be assured, this is difficult stuff to deal with, for anyone, and you need help to get through it. In the meantime try to get some support from someone close to you. As for your Mum & Dad, I appreciate you say they're elderly but you might be surprised at the resilience people can have especially when it's a close relative, as you are; mine were. Give them credit for caring about you and tell them; get their support.
Please, difficult though it is, try to take care of yourself.
Fnaar
Smutmaster General
- Location
- Thumberland
'Drinking to forget' doesn't generally work... a lot of my family members are testament to that. However, (devil's advocate here) sometimes an odd drink can help, but don't think it is an answer. So maybe yeah, have that vodka. But don't go too far down the bottle. A crutch can sometimes be useful, but it isn't full mobility, if you get my drift.
[flippant advice] don't look at Leicester City's premier league performance for a bit either
Good luck, hope you come through all of this well.
[flippant advice] don't look at Leicester City's premier league performance for a bit either
Good luck, hope you come through all of this well.
It's OK Fnaar, City are performing exactly as the whole of Leicester expected they would.'Drinking to forget' doesn't generally work... a lot of my family members are testament to that. However, (devil's advocate here) sometimes an odd drink can help, but don't think it is an answer. So maybe yeah, have that vodka. But don't go too far down the bottle. A crutch can sometimes be useful, but it isn't full mobility, if you get my drift.
[flippant advice] don't look at Leicester City's premier league performance for a bit either
Good luck, hope you come through all of this well.
OP
OP
Broughtonblue
Guru
- Location
- Norfolk
My parents are 74, they are in the position of, since my grandad died two years ago it left my grandma, she is now 95, suffering from dementia and registered 95% blind. Yesterday they couldn't contact her by phone, (we live in leicester, she lives on the Isle of wight) a neighbour went round and found her on the floor, she had been there about 4 hrs, paramedics couldn't find anything wrong with her. Today when they rang her to see if she was alright her reply was 'yes, why wouldn't they?)'
That is the reason I don't want to add untold pressure into them
shouldbeinbed
Rollin' along
- Location
- Manchester way
Just keep looking at the vodka with the top on see it as your beast not to be unleashed. I had a huge reactive depression after a similar spate of life kicking me in the bollocks until they were black and blue all over, it probably won't feel better any time soon and while the balance of your rational thinking is affected, standing up for yourself may well not come across to others in the way it does in your head, you are wise to be cautious IMO.
You need professional help and support, psychologist, not psychiatrist and; with proper control and exit strategy from day 1 agreed with your GP; anti depressants aren't necessarily bad, they will take the peaks of heightened emotion off and allow you to keep your thoughts in some semblance of order and control as you work through your feelings and the practicalities of a) trying to resurrect your home life & b) fighting your mates for your job & salary (me too right now & not 1st time) or if it comes to it, dismantling your marriage & getting down the job centre.
Whichever way life takes you, you need to be able to think through it with some degree of clarity & rationality or you really will be screwed, use the tools and people available to you.
GP discuss chemically managing your temporary emotional extremes alongside...
...GP / Occupational Health at work - one or the other to get you a professional ear to help unknot your mind.
Union Rep &/or trusted manager 2nd ear to hear what work is saying about redundancy and talk it through 1:1 so you're not getting the practicalities tangled in the emotions & you can defend your position most effectively
Solicitor - forewarned is forearmed, Mrs doesn't need to know but her bombshell already has you on the back foot, solicitors will be on with this stuff all the time, another way you can be sure the practicalities get taken care of while you just want to curl up into a ball and cry, because life isn't going to stop moving.
You're not surrendering anything, just letting people help keep an eye on your interests while you need a little1:1 time inside your own head coming to terms with such massive bombshells.
You talk about your kids as if they are 6 not 20+ & from the brief info they seem to be normal young adults starting to make their own way in the world. Give them the facts reassure them that no matter what happens with you & Mrs and you & work you still love them & will be be their dad/pal etc and how tough you are finding life now (as far as you want to, but don't spare them the truth that you are a human being with limits just like us all) and trust them to work it through themselves.
Frankly you need to lean on them no less than you seen to think they'll want to lean on you when it all comes out & where they get to live in the future is a low *practical*consideration for you in what you're facing right now. They'll very likely surprise you with their resilience.
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Geoff Crowther
"... travel far, not fast", Ted Simon
- Location
- Hayfield, High Peak
Yes, I do understand, but by not telling them you're not giving them the option of giving YOU their love and support. Think about it, and take care.
Pale Rider
Legendary Member
I doubt your mother and father will be that bothered either way, older people tend to have very good perspective.
Your 'children' at 20 and 21 will have more interesting things going on, and your wife obviously couldn't give a stuff.
The only one who is really upset by this is you.
As buggi says, get a bit angry, let the wretched woman know how royally hacked off you are, and let her know that if she remains in the house you cannot be responsible for your actions.
She's going/gone, nothing will change that, so start acting like the man you say you are and take some control.
Your 'children' at 20 and 21 will have more interesting things going on, and your wife obviously couldn't give a stuff.
The only one who is really upset by this is you.
As buggi says, get a bit angry, let the wretched woman know how royally hacked off you are, and let her know that if she remains in the house you cannot be responsible for your actions.
She's going/gone, nothing will change that, so start acting like the man you say you are and take some control.
OP
OP
Broughtonblue
Guru
- Location
- Norfolk
Thank you, you summed every thing up perfectly, I'm blubbing like a baby again after reading that
I'm so f...ed up at the minute, sitting watching a re run of the voice on i player, and it's all bloody love songs or why did you leave me.....
Hope I can get through to Monday so I can see a doc before something happens
If you really need to talk to someone now then these people will not judge.
http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us
Please put the booze away.
Brandane
Legendary Member
- Location
- Costa Clyde
If things are really as bad as that, don't wait until Monday. Phone NHS24 on 111, or get yourself to a hospital with an emergency department.
If I was you, I would be telling all to your sons. They are in the house, and old enough to be able to help you.
shouldbeinbed
Rollin' along
- Location
- Manchester way
Before something happens......
If you are thinking in any way like that, blowing up at yourself or your Mrs, get to A&E or a friend who will open the door and give you a bed/settee to kip on or your parents - swear them to secrecy from the kids but look out for No1. Life is only temporarily s**t, don't make it worse than it already is.
Good luck.
Edit, cross posting with above, more good options.