Exam bloopers 2015

[vernon]

Not only had many of them never been to the coast, many had never even been outside Bradford ...

Nothing has changed there. There are still kids who have not been outside of Bradford albeit in much smaller numbers.

 

[vernon]

My all time favourite from thirty years ago happened with a boy who was far from the sharpest knife in the drawer. He'd just come out of a Basic French lesson and had bumped into me in the corridor.

Pupil: Sir, sir! I've just learned a new word in French!

Me: Really? What was it?

Pupil: Orange.

Me: What does it mean?

Pupil after racking brain: Apple.

 

[machew]

My sis was teaching about King daffodil, when marking their homework there was a number of times that the kings name was misspelt. Marking Creative Writing: "On Saturday we went to see a film. We saw ' Planet of the Apps'"

 

[fimm]

Many years ago an aquaintance of mine went to see a project working with street children in Mexico City.
"You know," said one of the workers, "some of these children have never seen a volcano..."
"I've never seen a volcano..." said my aquaintance...
so they took him to see one.

(In my Oxford interview (for Chemistry) I talked some nonsense about "half a bond" - I think I was trying to get into too much detail. As far as I can recall, when the interviewer asked me what I was on about I realised I was talking rubbish and said so. I got in. My point being that sometimes stress means that you can get into a muddle over things that you do actually know.)

 

[Sandra6]

Sometimes even clever students experience " mind blank" moments.
In my mock physics exam there was a question about radiators and fins, the answer clearly being something to do with surface areas and heat, not " because it is a fish" but you've got to write something.
Similarly doing a maths problem concerning survival factors of penguins I'm sure whoever marked my paper was most impressed with my knowledge of penguins in the Falklands.
Needless to say I got a B and A respectively so they can't have held it against me

 

[ScotiaLass]

A friend of mine (Headteacher of a RC primary school) once told me about his first week as a HT.
There was a mass assembly (as in religious mass) and he was standing at the back, overseeing things as the kids got settled.
He had been told about one lad called Neil, who was particularly troublesome.
As he watched, he saw Neil pulling the hair of a girl in front of him.
He shouted out "Neil!!"
Guess what happened in the assembly hall of the Roman Catholic primary school?
Yip, all the kids dropped to their knees, ready for prayers

 

[Rezillo]

I would suggest that you are wrong. I know the candidates. You don't. They want good grades but not for humour content.

I can believe that. If the schools in Meanwood are only remotely like they were in the late seventies, then anyone who teaches there deserves an award. The would-be teachers that I shared a house with at that time were qualifying at Leeds poly and the ones sent to whatever school it was at Meanwood as part of their training came back in tears most days.

 

[tyred]

Nothing has changed there. There are still kids who have not been outside of Bradford albeit in much smaller numbers.

You think that's bad? I've never even been into Bradford in the first place.

 

[w00hoo_kent]

The sixth former in question had never been to a supermarket, had never seen her mother cook - her mother didn't cook and had never knowingly eaten anything other than processed food.
Sometimes, the ignorance/lack of knowledge of intelligent pupils renders you speechless.

My wife now teaches buttering bread as a basic skill to her Guides when she took some to camp and found out that they'd never been shown how. They also chop onions, a lot of them haven't been allowed near a sharp knife because it's 'too dangerous'.

Then again I had to get involved in a discussion in the office when two work colleagues were busy convincing each other Sherlock Holmes was a real person...

 

[subaqua]

My wife now teaches buttering bread as a basic skill to her Guides when she took some to camp and found out that they'd never been shown how. They also chop onions, a lot of them haven't been allowed near a sharp knife because it's 'too dangerous'.

Then again I had to get involved in a discussion in the office when two work colleagues were busy convincing each other Sherlock Holmes was a real person...

my 7 year old boy , on sunday just gone, made gravy for the roast chicken with very little supervision. then in the afternoon helped his mum make me a cake using sharp knives and things. he can gut fish really well too. we have to put the cheese on the top shelf in the fridge as he has worked out sharp knives are safe if you don't do silly things with them.
my 13 yr old daughter also cooks for us with no supervision , yes on the gas hob, and yes with sharp knives and things which are " dangerous " if you listen to some people.

well done your wife.

I have heard hundreds over the years but my favourite one which I will see every year on SATS papers and the school ones wifey will bring home in " marking season" is

I dunno sorry Miss/sir

 

[vernon]

I can believe that. If the schools in Meanwood are only remotely like they were in the late seventies, then anyone who teaches there deserves an award. The would-be teachers that I shared a house with at that time were qualifying at Leeds poly and the ones sent to whatever school it was at Meanwood as part of their training came back in tears most days.

I don't teach in Meanwood. I did my probationary year in Meanwood in the early eighties - nothing had changed since the seventies. It was a difficult time and I resigned at the end of my first year. I have subsequently taught in much tougher schools in Bradford including one described as "A youth club with academic pretensions'

 

[vernon]

My wife now teaches buttering bread as a basic skill to her Guides when she took some to camp and found out that they'd never been shown how. They also chop onions, a lot of them haven't been allowed near a sharp knife because it's 'too dangerous'.

Returning to my sixth former who claimed that she wouldn't eat anything that had been living had a disastrous first attempt at making an egg sandwich. She blew up the toaster when she poured the egg over the bread in the toaster.

I kid you not.

 

[Oldbloke]

I received an application form from a youngster applying for a junior accounts role. The part that covered previous jobs asked "from" and "to". The applicant put 10 o/c and 2 o/c respectively.

 

[Profpointy]

Returning to my sixth former who claimed that she wouldn't eat anything that had been living had a disastrous first attempt at making an egg sandwich. She blew up the toaster when she poured the egg over the bread in the toaster.

I kid you not.

duh! As any fewl no, you have to put the toaster on its side to do that else it'll run off the bread

 

[subaqua]

duh! As any fewl no, you have to put the toaster on its side to do that else it'll run off the bread

or buy toast bags. which means anything can be instantly transformed to amazing.