Exam bloopers 2015

[vernon]

or buy toast bags. which means anything can be instantly transformed to amazing.

Concrete?

 

[subaqua]

Concrete?

OK anything edible .

 

[vernon]

OK anything edible .

Whichetty grubs?

 

[RedRider]

Candidate 3. "Polar bears adapt...

Polar bears adapt to hot and desert conditions by...

Science, innit?

 

[w00hoo_kent]

Returning to my sixth former who claimed that she wouldn't eat anything that had been living had a disastrous first attempt at making an egg sandwich. She blew up the toaster when she poured the egg over the bread in the toaster.

I kid you not.

Guide camp, no electricity :-)

 

[User169]

So this thread is all about deficiencies of the students - no reflection whatsoever on the competence or otherwise of their teachers?

What a wanky OP.

 

[vernon]

So this thread is all about deficiencies of the students - no reflection whatsoever on the competence or otherwise of their teachers?

What a wanky OP.

I'm sure that the students will have their own tales to tell about teachers.

 

[vernon]

I'm sure that the students will have their own tales to tell about teachers.

And they do...

 

[Piemaster]

2 ratings in 9 years. Not exactly a fanfare, but on the plus side they both knew how to use a pc connected to the internet for something other than Facebook and remembered your name

 

[KneesUp]

So this thread is all about deficiencies of the students - no reflection whatsoever on the competence or otherwise of their teachers?

What a wanky OP.

Do you imagine that if teachers were perfect, every child would answer every question correctly? That would mean there would be no point in the exams.

I used to work checking the marking of GCSE scripts. Papers are taken by young people of all abilities. When thousands of people answer the same questions, it sometimes results in answers that are amusing. It's a bit like the monkeys, typewriters and Shakespeare, except most of them get the questions roughly right. I believe that sometimes they are jokes in the sense that the candidate is trying to be funny by the way.

 

[vernon]

2 ratings in 9 years. Not exactly a fanfare, but on the plus side they both knew how to use a pc connected to the internet for something other than Facebook and remembered your name

It's a web site that withered on the vine. They remembered my name but despite it being only four letters long they managed to add a letter, mis-spell the comments and failed to use capital letters and full stops.

Still, I ought to be grateful for small mercies.

 

[machew]

Exam question in Science
Spell magnetism.

Half my class spelt it wrong

 

[vernon]

Exam question in Science
Spell magnetism.

Half my class spelt it wrong

Tell a pupils if they can guess how many 50p pieces you have in your hand you will let them have both of them and most of the time you'll hang onto your money.

 

[Brains]

My wife now teaches buttering bread as a basic skill to her Guides when she took some to camp and found out that they'd never been shown how. They also chop onions, a lot of them haven't been allowed near a sharp knife because it's 'too dangerous'.
.

As an Explorer Scout Leader (girls and boys, aged 14-18, who are expected to feed themselves)
We have to teach advanced cooking, boiling pasta is the first major challenge, no matter what we tell them every camp we always get:

• Pour dried pasta into pan
• Pour freezing cold water over dried pasta
• Fill up stove with Meths
• Wander around the camp to find out who has the only box of matches (despite it being on every kit list)
• Light stove
• Put pasta and water on spirit stove (Trangias are notoriously slow)
  
• 20 minutes later, the pasta has expanded and is coming out of the top of the pan
• The instructions on the packet say "boil for 7 minutes". So they do
• 30 plus minutes after the pasta first entered the water they now have an inedible pasta based paste

Why is not basic cooking, such as how to cook toast, sausages, boil potatoes, baked beans and pasta taught to kids way before they have issues when they first have to survive on their own ?

At least the Scout kids learn the basics, but I had one of our ex Explorers recount exactly the same story from her 2nd year at Uni flat mates (four girls), who at the age of 19-20 were for the first time forced to fend for themselves and cook pasta.

 

[Piemaster]

This would probably be beyond them then:
Directions:
1. Read all directions before beginning.
2. Take out one sheet of lined paper.
3. Place it on your desk so that the holes are on the left side and the margin is at the top.
4. Skipping lines, number your paper 1-7
5. On the first line, write your name.
6. On the second line, write the name of the person sitting across from you.
7. On the sixth line, draw three stars using a blue crayon.
8. In the center of the paper, about 5 lines below line seven, draw a box.
9. Write the number of siblings you have to the right of the box.
10. Divide the box into four equal parts with a purple crayon.
11. Color the top right hand section of the box orange.
12. Draw a flower in the bottom left hand corner of the box.
13. Color the center of the flower red.
14. Turn your paper upside down.
15. Write out today's date using all capital letters.
16. Turn your paper right side up again.
17. On line three, draw a small picture of your favorite food.
18. Draw a circle around it.
19. Write the name of your first pet on line four.
20. Draw a star in each corner of your paper, using four different colors.
21. Underline two of the stars.
22. Turn your paper over.
23. Fold it in half lengthwise.
24. Fold it in half the other way.
25. Write your middle name on the outside.
26. Ignore directions one through twenty-five and enjoy watching everyone else do this activity wrong.