Funeral Costs! Interesting and,scary.

[MontyVeda]

a friend who passed earlier this year had a wicker coffin. It was a lovely thing.

a friend who passed 23 years ago had a cardboard one which her friends had painted Chinese dragons along the sides. It was quite awesome.

 

[Rocky]

My father had been in, what was Burma, at the end of WW2. He had attended the reconsecration of Rangoon Cathedral in late 1945/early 1946 and still had the order of service. When he died, 15 years ago, we followed his wishes and used this as the basis of his funeral. There were one or two little changes that needed to be made and we did these in discussion with the minister who conducted the service.

As Fabbers says, this is about celebrating a life, hopefully well lived. I remember thinking that he was looking down on us and making sure that the organist didn’t play too slowly - one of his pet hates.

Dave - you won’t please everyone, but be true to your lovely wife and be true to yourself - as I’m sure you will.

 

[Chislenko]

We actually never considered that, although just checking back the direct cremation service we used required payment within 48hrs. I don't know if another provided would be willing to wait or if the solicitor would have handled that by paying upfront and claining back later.

The undertaker we used was 30 days payment terms although as she knew the solicitor handling the estate she said "don't worry about it, the solicitor and I will sort it" and they did.

 

[Pale Rider]

My mother died during Covid which meant we were legally obliged to have a Covid-safe funeral.

The short ceremony took place in the graveyard of Stokenham church, South Devon, where my mother was to be buried next to my father.

I didn't do the finances, but I reckon the Co-op looked after us well for about £2,500, particularly as the coffin had to be transported from Shropshire to Devon.

I did bash out an obit for the South Hams Gazette, which they used as a page lead with a pic.

The reverend nicked my text for his eulogy - ruddy plagiarist.

 

[Deleted member 26715]

When my father died last year, he was cremated with as little fuss as possible which was his wishes, what he didn't know (well I don't think he did/does) was we all wore woolly hats with his name & DOB & DOD on them, he was carried down the crematorium to Dusty Springfield "You don't have to say you loved me" & we exited the crematorium to Morecambe & Wise "Bring me Sunshine" they don't have to be a morbid affair, we were celebrating his life not his death.

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

SOrry you are having to think about this
I have "done" a couple and been involved with a couple more and it seems to me that the best thing to do is what feels right to you.
You know her wishes and you also - and most importantly - know how you feel about it.
Personally I feel that you just need to do something that feels like she would have approved and makes you feel that you have done the right thing.
Clearly you also have to think about the feeling of other very close people

but what aunty edna from Southend, who hasn't been seen for several years, thinks is not really important (and yes - I did see that!)

just do what feels right to you

I also found it best to use an undertaker - just because they know all the pitfalls and stops you worrying about details

sending hugs and stuff - thinking of you

 

[Deleted member 26715]

But just to be a little serious & without trying to slide into the dark side of the forum, the issue with Undertakers over the past 10-15 years is that the US venture capitalists have realised there is good money to be made out of other people's grief, they have come in, bought up as many independents that they could, then they have manipulated the cost upwards to their benefit.

Does the quality of coffin matter?
Do you really need cars?
Flowers? Maybe a display on the coffin, but if they want to buy flowers tell them to give to a charity of your choice.
Wake, doesn't have to be a posh affair, a backroom with tea/coffee, sandwiches & a few cakes, if it's a pub, nothing behind the bar if they want anything it's up to buy that's up to them.
At the end of the day it's what you & your wife want(ed), if it upsets the distant relative, tough, they'll get over it, if they don't you're probably better off.

 

[fossyant]

Don't worry about others, they may or may not turn up (from experience). Do what you think best.

 

[Pale Rider]

But just to be a little serious & without trying to slide into the dark side of the forum, the issue with Undertakers over the past 10-15 years is that the US venture capitalists have realised there is good money to be made out of other people's grief, they have come in, bought up as many independents that they could, then they have manipulated the cost upwards to their benefit.

Spot on. although my limited experience suggests the Yanks overpaid for some firms.

A mate of mine owned a long established family firm in Sunderland, probably the best in the town, but it is only Sunderland.

The Americans offered him - and he took - £12m.

He told me he would have been happy with a tenth of that.

The deal was sweetened even further by him being kept on as managing director.

 

[Deleted member 26715]

Spot on. although my limited experience suggests the Yanks overpaid for some firms.

A mate of mine owned a long established family firm in Sunderland, probably the best in the town, but it is only Sunderland.

The Americans offered him - and he took - £12m.

He told me he would have been happy with a tenth of that.

The deal was sweetened even further by him being kept on as managing director.

Similar experience to an acquaintance of mine, family run firm, he is/was 3rd or 4th generation, as per a good gangster movie, they made him an offer he couldn't refuse.

 

[rogerzilla]

I've dug enough holes in the ground for pets over the years, so I'd quite like someone to dig a hole for me.

 

[gbb]

I think "it depends"; after all, which ones will be alive to see the funeral?

And perhaps more importantly, who actually arranges the funeral.

For my part, been into the Cooperative this morning, making some opening enquiries.
Mum and dad paid for a Silver package, that was £2600 each in 2010, hearse, one limo, service, cremation, scattering of ashes and gown included. They did a quick tot up, that would be IRO £4500 now.

 

[bruce1530]

I've been involved, sadly, with several funerals over recent years. In general these were well-organised sad, but uplifting affairs, celebrating life rather than death. But a few things left a bad taste - generally connected with undertakers.

Jimmy had been in the building trade - a joiner - the type of guy who would comment "That's a nice bit of wood..." when he saw some nice carpentry. His funeral had been paid up-front to a local undertaker, and a good quality wooden coffin specified.

The night before the funeral, the coffin was brought into the church to lie there overnight. It was formica. We were annoyed, because we knew how much had been paid, but didn't want to upset the widow.

Pub afterwards, a few drinks later, it all came out - everyone who had seen it was annoyed. Late night phone call to undertaker, complaining.

10.00 funeral the next morning. Jimmy was in a new box.

The other grumble - different funeral - was related to an undertaker's bill, which was quite a bit higher than had been anticipated. Lots of "extras". I'm told this is not uncommon - in these circumstances, people don't like to complain.

 

[Supersuperleeds]

I'm donating my body to medical science. Give some poor student doctor a fright as they cut me up. when done, they cremate you and send the ashes back to family. I've told my kids I want them spending nowt on my funeral

 

[Fab Foodie]

I'm donating my body to medical science. Give some poor student doctor a fright as they cut me up. when done, they cremate you and send the ashes back to family. I've told my kids I want them spending nowt on my funeral

Leave him kids...he ain't worf it....